Citation: Xorkoth. "A Healing Trip to Remember: An Experience with 2C-I, Alprazolam, Ketamine & Cannabis (exp51272)". Erowid.org. Mar 23, 2006. erowid.org/exp/51272
Coming into this experience, I have considerable experience with 2C-I (7-8 trips), and two trial doses of ketamine which were pretty intense (~50mg and ~60-70mg). I have extensive experience with many other psychedelics, mostly synthesized unresearched chemicals invented by Shulgin. These notes are unedited except for where I mark them as edited in paretheses. Following my notes, I discuss the experience from the next morning's perspective. Enjoy!
11:30 - Ingest 16mg 2C-I HCl in liquid suspension. Immediate shift, ever so slightly, in my energy.
11:35 - Ingest ~.75mg of alprazolam. I want to test its effect on the trip as well as what its relaxing abilities will do to the come-up. I'm now going to watch a little SNL.
11:56 - Some come-up. It's fairly smooth but carries an edge of weirdness. I'm feeling sort of restless. I think perhaps the xanax is beginning to work as the body anxiety just went down a notch.
12:56 - We've reached full lift off. With the aid of my friend Mary Jane, I begun to become at ease with this state. I was very surprised to find it so abrasive... my memories of 2C-I had been skewed? I notice the visual crawling effects this time to be much more delicate and realistic.
I remember now. I didn't come here for pleasantries. I came here to address my regrowing kratom addiction. I didn't come here for glorious joy or gushes of warmth, I came here to analyze. To heal. The mind is a twisted and convuluted thing... I can't imagine that I could have deluded myself there again. I just spent the last 20 minutes scavenging about downstairs for extra scraps of kratom, and I came up with about a half a gram at most, which I brewed into a cup. I felt the need for it, so strongly. But now, I feel as if I truly do not need it. Music truly is a healing gift. Right now it's gently smoothing out the edges of my battered psyche and washing my vision in rainbow.
1:06 - 'Something Very Pure' by Mystical Sun... this song has to be the most amazing song I've ever heard while tripping. Those of you who know what I'm talking about, I think will agree. I love this drug for its ability to infuse warmth into the perception of sound.
For some reason I can't get myself to lay down and close my eyes and drift. I feel compulsed to browse new reports, open up a forum. Is this a diversion? I can approach this in two layers. On the one, yes, I should be exploring within, not without. But on the other, I'll have plenty of time for that in a few hours when I administer ketamine to myself. Perhaps I should enjoy the simple pleasures of internet browsing for the time being.
That song, as always, was fucking amazing.
The next is an old classic, 'Dancing with Kadaffi' by Infected Mushroom. It seems this song mix which was mixed at a much earlier date has proven to be correct, so far.
1:21 - Jesus, this is a good report about addiction:
1:24 - Chameleon! This fucking song is great! It's creating an expansive dome around me - the directional aspect of the sound is painting me a picture.
I'm getting that effect with reading again where the text seems to have attained a new dimension behind it (ed: see my 2C-I + 2C-C report for reference). It looks like I'm reading a Magic Eye book, except I can still read unless I think about it too hard.
This guy communicates his personality exceptionally well:
On second thought, that report was excellent. And, I finished reading the last words of it right as Chameleon faded out. It really was quite well timed.
I believe this new song is called 'AStral Cave', but I could be wrong.
1:47 - Nebulous Mist, by Mystical Sun. Also a very good song. It makes me consider lying down and drifting. Why do I resist this? I can't seem to place the reason, yet it's surely there. I guess the main reason is not wanting to wake or disturb my girlfriend, who remains ignorant of my activities as she does not find them to be worthwhile endeavors.
1:52 - And just like that, a solemn, brooding song is cut out in mid-file where it stopped downloading and Phish's 'You Enjoy Myself' from 'A Live One' came on. This song has got to be one of the most amazingly joyful songs I've ever witnessed.
I just realized that when I read another's written words, their voice, tone, expression, and inflection come through as my own. It's very interesting to read of others' experiences when free of your ego. This really is a very beautiful state of mind... I feel that I've overlooked 2C-I in this (and other) respects. I get such a sense of personality coming at me when I read of your experiences - and by your, I mean whoever is reading this, as I imagine you have given some kind of experience at some point for the benefit of all. And of course I mean specifically to those of whom have gifted me with your words this evening.
2:11 - looking at a webpage, Jesus man, I haven't laughed so hard in ages. I'm sure glad I stumbled into whichever thread it was that's been talking about.
2:14 - Shulman's In Search of a Meaningful Moment is on now. (ed: entire CD, ~80 minutes. A very awesome song for introspection and psychedelia in general)
3:30 - I should be content with myself in just going with this experience and not trying to milk it for everything it's worth. Constant communication is not necessary. I've been finding pleasure in the last 45 minutes or so by reading 2C-T-7 reports. Interesting material, and I happen to have come across a 30mg sample of it.
I'm definitely coming down some now, and have a very slight stomache ache, like gas pain. I'm thinking about the 140mg of ketamine I was going to insufflate. It'll be intense, that's for sure! But I think it may be just the right ending to this night, a period of time where I can close my eyes and drift off into inner space. Somehow, I've been seriously stopping myself from doing that during the whole evening... and I feel that this time is important. And also, I'm sure it's the only way I'll get any sort of sleep tonight before I have to wake up for work at 7!
3:48 - Okay... time to use the bathroom and then the ketamine. No more procrastination!
Okay, so I was wrong... it's 150mg, not 140. This is over twice the maximum amount I've used. But... jesus man, this pile in front of me is just that - a pile! It looks like so much, especially considering that I've only taken a series of bumps off the tip of a key before. I take this opportunity to grab my baggie of ketamine and down .25mg alprazolam, to help me stay asleep despite the 2C-I's energy after the experience is over. I'd like to get at least a little!
3:59 - Okay... here we go. Half, then half. It burns worse than the previous small bumps would have suggested, and it already tastes, well, anaesthetic. State change almost immediately, though it's vague and smooth and indefinable at the moment. Of course the rest of this report will have to wait until tomorrow to finish. 4:01... snorting the rest of it and going to lay down in my bed. Coming on STRONG. Lie downn nnowww...
IN THE MORNING UPON WAKING
7:34 - Nothing in the world could have possibly prepared me for the place I've been existing in for the past few hours. I'm not sure if I can even explain it. I awoke when my alarm went off at 7 with no difficulties becoming conscious, but extreme difficulty in remember what 'I' am supposed to be doing with this body. Took me a few moments to realize I have leg and arms. I truly hope I can remember enough to offer some sort of explanation about the state I visited.
9:39 - I am pretty much in total awe and a little bit of shock regarding last night's ketamine experience and the subsequent events since. This morning I woke up feeling very wrong, but as I slowly became reacquainted with my body, I'm feeling better. Taking a shower and attending to my morning work preparation duties was extremely bizarre, because I still felt quite dissociated. Driving to work was a little bit better but was also a weird experience, but surprisingly not at all difficult. At this point, I've had a cup of coffee and will be having another, simply due to my body exhaustion, and the fact that I have a bit of a 'sore body' hangover from last night's activities. I'm starting to feel my sociability come back a bit, and I'm able to interact at a basic level with my coworkers, which is definitely a Good Thing. When I first woke up, I couldn't even formulate sentences to speak to my girlfriend when she addressed me. I can't help but wonder if she found my behavior strange. I did, however, manage to take my usual nootropic stack, for which I am thankful. This consists of 500mg pyritinol, 500mg centrophenoxine, 1 gram piracetam, ~300mg choline citrate, and 1.5mg hydergine (sometimes more, but not today as I am running low).
As for the events of today, well, you will recall that the main purpose going into this trip was to address my re-established kratom addiction. I knew that my package (with more kratom and other herbs) came yesterday, but I got home too late to get into my apartment complex's office. But, thus morning I was able to before leaving for work. I found my package and put it in my car, and because I felt (and still feel) so strange and slightly uncomfortable due to this hangover of sorts, I had completely decided that I'd take a dose when I got to work, in order to feel more normal again.
Now, a little background here would be useful. For the past couple of months, I have gotten into the habit of taking a smallish (4-5 gram) dose at work every day around noon, to help stimulate myself because I prefer the stimulation of low dose kratom to that of caffeine. This does not in any way impact my performance at work, and in fact probably increases it due to enhanced motivation and excitement about my tasks. Then when I get home from work, I usually take another ~5gram dose, and then sometimes a little bit before bed I take another ~4 grams. I've found that either the kratom supplier I use is getting increasingly more potent kratom leaf, or my tolerance has gone way down, as I used to require 12 grams from the same supplier to get the same effects I now get with 5-6 grams... so that's nice. Makes the habit easier to maintain. However, to be sure, this level of consumption has taken a toll on both my wallet and, more importantly, my ability to not be physically addicted, which always sucks big-time.
So anyway, I got to work and opened the package, and, what do you know, no kratom! Just the other herbs I ordered (B. caapi and ingredients for absinthe which I am going to distill). A note said that the kratom was back ordered and should ship 'shortly'. Ahhhhhh! At first I panicked. Then I realized that this is a good thing, really. I made a promise to myself to break free of the physical addiction so that I may once again be able to use it recreationally without it being a necessary crutch (which is, I realize, dangerous in and of itself). How easily I decided to break this promise goes to show the kind of hold kratom has over me. Evidently the universe wants me to succeed in this as well. But here's a positive point, which I had hoped for when I did the ketamine since I have read of reports with this kind of effect: so far, I am experiencing absolutely no withdrawal symptoms. I mean, I guess my last dose was about 20 hours ago only, but nevertheless, usually by now I would be starting to feel it, that electric restlessness in the legs and an extreme desire for kratom couple with overemotionality. Well, I'm happy to say that, although I mentally desire kratom because I KNOW it would make me feel A++ again, absolutely no physical symptoms have developed yet and the more I think and write about it, the better I feel.
Also, this coffee is making me feel better in a similar but inferior way than kratom would, so that helps. Unfortunately, I know not if I've been magically cured of physical addiction as a few have claimed during ketamine experiences, but I can say for sure that the withdrawals which I dread have been postponed, at least. And if they start, well, I have a ready supply of benzos on hand to helop me out. The first time I withdrew from kratom was absolute hell (and I had nothing to help me out with it, and it was unexpected) and really set me off into my long depression from which I emerged about 6 months ago with self-induced psychedelic therapy, but this time I feel much more equipped to deal with it. I'm optimistic.
Now... to attempt to put into words the unexplainable, bizarre, and profound experience I had in or around the K-hole last night. So, as my notes indicate, I insufflated 140mg of ketamine, first about a third of it, then when the first alerts hit, I quickly got the rest. My nose was runny from the 2C-I (it seems to have this effect on me), so I had to get most it into my right nostril, coincidentally. The experience set in very quickly, as I expected. Within 3-4 minutes, my equilibrium was amazingly off, and I was barely able to hide my baggie of ketamine and lurch into my bed before collapsing uncontrollably. As soon as I laid down, I knew this experience was going to be different than my previous two sub-K-hole trials. I felt my awareness expanding, expanding, and I lost touch with my body entirely, except for a strange salvia-ish feeling in my head/face (I think), the feeling that an indefinable amount of pressure is pressing down onto a specific point on me, and this point of pressure is very narrow so that it almost feelings like a dull pencil pushing hard into my skin. A strange description, I know, but that's the best I can relate it to something. An extremely intense rush overtook me, and I flanged into somewhere else entirely. From here on, of course, the specific memories and hence, the resulting descriptions become quite unclear, but I will do my best.
At some point - time had become meaningless by now - I found myself in a strange room, where somehow my consciousness and this room were one and the same. I have no idea if my eyes were closed or open, but I know I started with them closed. The only thing that existed was my own consciousness, which was still flimsily attached to my ego in a very basic way. That is to say, I vaguely knew that I was me, and that I had taken ketamine, but only sometimes, and the fact that I knew this in no way detracted from the sheer realness of the experience. It seemed as if somehow my consciousness was in motion, sliding down various strange tunnels that the room would form as it shifted constantly and dramatically. The fan was on as background noise, and the white noise kept on changing, but mostly it was a 'wha-wha-wha' kind of nitrous-y noise, only with the 'wha-wha's very, very close together, so they formed a continuous noise. This noise changed in frequency and pitch constantly, and as it changed, so did my perception of my consciousness.
Occasionally I would arrive at a place where I stayed still for a moment and was able to observe this room I was in. In this room, everything became clear, and I existed as pure consciousness and intuitively understood many things about the nature of consciousness versus ego. But these realizations were something I cannot hope to explain in words. Ah, well, such is the nature of deeply psychedelic experiences. The frustration and the sheer joy. I can't remember what it was like, as it was too abstract, but I do remember that there were tunnels leading off in all directions and after a moment, I'd always be drawn to one and fall down it. Falling down a tunnel was like riding on a coller coaster, and I started to get the sense that I was travelling in a large, disjointed circle. I had many profound thoughts and realizations, but I really can't remember much about them now. I do remember though that I was pretty sure there was a good chance I wasn't coming back, that after experiencing something like this, there was no conceivable way to exist in a body again as a physical human being. After falling down holes and experiencing my consciousness in many unique ways which I DESPERATELY wish I could communicate or remember better, everything would rush together in a strange pulling sensation and I would 'unflange', and the room would come into focus and I'd realize my eyes were open.
Furthermore, I'd realize that the room I kept arriving in was essentially the same room I was actually in (my bedroom), only dramatically psychedelically altered. So at this point I'd have my full ego intact again and think to myself that it must be over and that I could, after all, exist in physical form again. Each time I came back, I felt a massive shifting sensation which made me seriously wonder if my girlfriend sleeping beside me shifted every time, because it really felt like she did. However, I have no idea because not only was I feeling kinetic sensations that weren't happening, but I was unable to differentiate between my own physical feelings and those of my girlfriend. I'd only remain back to 'normal' for a moment, when the street light which shines in the window would split into 4, and seem to be some brilliantly glowing light at the end of a tunnel, and I'd fall down that tunnel after it, only to get lost in K-hole tunnel-land again, only to arrive at the psychedelic version of my room where I had the most clarity, only to gradually go back to normal. And so the cycle repeated. It really felt a bit like a time loop because coming back and arriving at the room were always exactly the same, but I had not the muscle control or the presence of mind to look at the clock any of the times I came back. I also have no idea how many times this happened, at all.
During this process, I experienced my consciousness in an extremely unique and amazingly interesting new way, but I just can't express it in words. But I was definitely occupying others' mental states at times. The ego attached to my consciousness was definitely always a little bit mine, but with completely foreign and alien aspects that at times almost frightened me, if it weren't for the fact that fear was muted. I mean, most of the time I was to tell myself to just go with the flow, because there was certainly no way out of this one, as intense as it was. And sleep was impossible, just this comatose stream-of-consciousness thought process. I never actually fully entered another person's body as some have claimed, and I think I was not fully in the K-hole. But I was DAMN close, that's for sure. I don't think I slept at any point, just repeated this cycle with less and less intensity until my alarm rang at 7:00, at which point I was still off-balance and thinking strangely. I didn't feel at all tired in terms of my ability to stay awake, nor do I now, I think because of the 2C-I's residual stimulation. However, my body feels quite weary in my muscles. I just got a couple of excedrin and an ibuprofen for that from a coworker, however. Ahh, sweet relief!
So to sum up the entire compound experience from last night: Wow! What a trip! The 2C-I I took in order to get some work done and have a little fun before the main event, which was the ketamine, and also to potentiate said dissociative. It (the 2C-I) showed me a side of itself I'd never quite seen and frankly told me I needed to respect it a little bit more as a serious entheogen, although it's still definitely not my favorite by any means. I had that great body high that at the same time feels annoyingly speedy, like I couldn't sit still. The come-up was one of the roughest I've had on 2C-I, full of anxiety and body grossness despite the alprazolam. I definitely felt compulsed to write my experiences and thoughts and work through some issues, but I find 2C-I (have before and still do) to not be the best substance for this. It seems to be too distracting for pure introspection. I spent the first half writing, and the second reading trip reports and such, which was also great fun and useful.
One aspect of the 2C-I experience that I loved was that my ego stopped being projected onto others. I realized that when I read peoples' writing, I project myself onto it when I read it, unconsciously using my internal voice and tone and inflection. Under the effects of 2C-I, I was able to glean a whole lot more of the individual's personality that I was reading about out of the writing, and thus, I gained more insight into its true intentions, which was immensely valuable to me both for entertainment and as a lesson in life. I read some excellent reports and I feel that I've almost gotten to know the authors a little bit on a personal level. I notice this ability also with DOC, but 2C-I is less distracting. I find DOC to be a very distracting chemical, and I seem to inevitably just end up listening to music and reading stuff.
Another aspect of the 2C-I experience that I loved was that it really enhances the appreciation of music and creates nice soundscapes in the mind using the directional properties of the sounds which one cannot always detect. It also heightens the emotional response to music, but primarily in the positive direction. 2C-E does all of this to a much more profound degree, except that it does not limit the emotional range to the positive side of things. At all. Although I had hoped for something a little deeper than my 2C-I experience, considering the issues I had at times even with that, I'm glad I opted not to go with 2C-E this time around. The experience might have become quite difficult and I was unprepared. Overall, I was a bit disappointed with the 2C-I experience, but mostly because of myself. I was just unable to summon the motivation to seriously address the issues I came to address, which would have been best handled by laying down and closing my eyes to the music. But I wasn't able to make myself do that, I think because my bed is the only place I'm truly comfortable doing that and I was afraid that if something happened I'd disturb my sleeping girlfriend, and I didn't want to have to interact with her in any way in that state.
The ketamine was another story, as I was sure I wouldn't be getting up or moving at all.
As for the ketamine experience, all I can say is WOW. I hadn't imagined something like the experience I had to be possible. It was so bizarre and mindblowing... definitely the highlight of the night, though it made my morning rather difficult and awkward. It makes me look forward to the experience I have planned for this weekend with both fear and excitement - I plan to ingest 15-16mg of 2C-E, with more preparation of course, and then as I'm into the coming down stage somewhat, insufflate my remaining 190mg of ketamine, which is 40mg more than I had this time. I simply cannot imagine how anything could be more intense than what just happened, but I'm sure I will know after my next experience! My hope is that the added dosage along with the 'deeper' underlying state of mind will make for an experience better remembered, although I think I did surprisingly well considering the extremely chaotic and abstract nature of the trip.
I can't think of anything else to say about this at the moment, so until the next time (ideally this weekend), I bid you adieu. I hope you find my report even remotely as interesting and useful as I found the experience to be for me. Oh, and I ended up throwing away the miniscule .5 gram dose of kratom, because my trip smoothed out and I realized it was my own weakness which caused it to happen.
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