Citation: Danielle. "Occasionally I Die: An Experience with Cannabis (exp49047)". Erowid.org. Mar 8, 2008. erowid.org/exp/49047
There have been four times when I died from smoking. I didn't actually die in the literal sense of the word, but that's the only way I can think of to describe it. The first time it happened was when I was 16. During my first two years of high school, I would go to my friend D's house everyday after school and we would smoke until we couldn't properly form thoughts anymore. This one time in particular we had smoked two bong bowls, a joint and a bowl out of a metal pipe. We went outside to smoke a cigg after we were done toking, and that's when I started to lose my senses. The first one to go was my hearing. Everything became muffeled and the temporary deafness bgan to make me feel quite sick to my stomache. We went back inside the house to get some ice cream to fullfill our cravings for munchies, and that's when my sight left me.
Everything became blurred, geometric patterns had taken over my vision and the swirling patterns became too much for me. I muttered something to d about not being able to see anything and then I fell. D was able to prevent me from hitting my head and he carried me into the living room so I could lay down. He says that I fainted, but I could still feel everything that was happening around me. I could not speak, couldn't hear and couldn't see, but I still knew what was going on. After about ten minutes I was able to move again, and he helped me get to his bed. I lay there for nearly an hour, I guess I was in shock that that had happened to me. I felt miserable inside. I had never had anything even close to that happen to me before. I was embarrassed that D had to witness it, I never wanted to smoke again. Of course, the next day I felt differently.
The next time it happened was about a year later. D and I were over at our friend's house and we smoked five bong bowls and about a four gram joint. I took two shots of tequila. We went outside, once again to smoke a cigg. I was doing alright at first, but then it started to happen again. Once again, my hearing went first, then my vision. This time I fainted right outside, falling off of the fence I was sitting on, hitting my head on the concrete. I could hear everyone around me talking, I couldn't see them though and I couldn't respond to anything they were saying. All I could do was lay there and laugh. It took awhile for me to be able to walk again, and I guess they more so just pulled me inside. The second time was the worst, because I had convinced myself that it had just been a one time thing, and I was so dissapointed in myself for this happening to me, I was ashamed of myself as a stoner and a person.
The third time was my favorite. By this time I had come to accept that I had no control over what happened to my body when I get too fucked up, and when it started the only thing that really scared me was the fact that I was at a concert. My friend J and I were at an ICP concert. I had drank four Smirnoff Ices, and we smoked two or three bowls from a metal pipe. When we finished smoking J left me to go find a good spot to see the concert, I didn't go with him because I could feel death taking over me. When my hearing left me I decided to take the initiative and make this as easy as possible on myself. I got off the table I was sitting on, for fear that I would fall off of it if I didn't, and sat down in a corner where I could relax. My vision went as the music started.
The experience was incredible. I couldn't hear the music, I couldn't even see the band playing, but I could feel the bass pounding through my body, taking over every cell and organ inside me. My heart was pumping to the music, I was the music. I started to come around a little, and I realised that if I didn't find a way to cool down I would most likely faint. I made my way to a window and sat there for the rest of the show. At some point some guy came up to me and offered to smoke a few batties with me, which I graciously took him up on. And then I smoked a blunt out in the parking lot when the show was over.
The fourth time I died was yesterday. I smoked a blunt with a friend before school. I could tell right away that it wasn't going to turn out good. I was in the wrong state of mind to be smoking. I was worried about finals, and then I became worried that my principle would know I was stoned, and then I was worried that I would freak out and die in the middle of class. Well, this time my vision went first. I was walking into school, not being able to see where I was going, luckily having the route well memorized. I went straight to the bathroom and sat down on the floor. Two girls came in after me and tried talking to me, but all I was able to say was 'I am so fucked up right now.'
I forced myself to get up and walk to my class. I passed the principle on the way and told him I wasn't feeling very well when he asked what was wrong. I lay down on the bench in the back of the room and tied to let myself relax a little. The only comforting thought that I had was that at least if something went seriously wrong I was in a safe environment, my school is my sanctuary, and no matter how fucked up I am I know my teachers and peers would take care of me. Anyways, it took about ten minutes for me to relax and chill out, and then I was fine.
That's the thing with dying, while I'm falling deeper into it I feel like everything is lost and I'll never be happy or sane again, but then I fall out the other end and I see everything in a whole new light. My perception on everything is different for the next few days after my death, but I do get back to normal eventually. My reason for writing this is so that just in case anyone else out there experiences death like I do, I want them to be able to understand it and not be afraid. The more you worry during it the worse it's going to be.
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