Citation: Powdered Toast Man. "5 Pills? Why Not?: An Experience with MDMA, Ketamine & Cocaine (exp49043)". Erowid.org. Aug 20, 2006. erowid.org/exp/49043
||(powder / crystals)
||(powder / crystals)
From the beginning, the night started with a friend and I doing about 5 or 6 medium sized lines of prety good coke before we left the house, at about 12:00am. The plan was to go get some pills for a friend, chill for a while, and call it a night; I didn't see myself staying out past 4 or 5. After getting the pills and getting back to the friends house, four of us do a few lines and listen to some records, usual Saturday night fare. About 1:00am or so, another friend shows up with some Ketamine. K has a special place in my heart. I might even call it my drug of choice; edging out E for 1st place with me. As rare as Ketamine is, everyone gets excited and before I know it, 5 huge lines of sweet powdered Ketamine are cut out on a record sleeve. They didn't last long. The brave among us cut out another and promptly snort.
When I do K, I've found that I most enjoy myself with 'one foot in the hole'. A K-hole is fun once, but you soon realize it's much more fun to be able to move around and be somewhat aware of what's going on. Waiting for the K to come on is like waiting for Christmas morning- it seems to take FOREVER! The way to do it is to wait for the feeling to come on at about 25% and then lay down very quickly (did I mention that I love K?!) causing an intense rush of nothingness. Suddenly everything seems far away, out of reach, and insignificant. Beautiful. There is NOTHING like the deep body feeling (or lack thereof) of an intense Ketamine trip. When Iím right on the edge of the hole, hallucinations are fair game.
Not in the sense of seeing things that are not there a la LSD, but more like everything is reduced to a choppy, wireframe version of itself. My mind's 'frame rate' is slowed; imagine your brain's CPU is running low on virtual memory and puts everything on hold. Think 1st-person shooter computer game on a slow PC. At K+ 30 min, being able to speak again, it was decided that we needed some marijuana, just for kicks. If Ketamine is french fries, then pot is ketchup. Marijuana adds another dimension to most drugs, Ketamine and E especially.
Two bowls later, I'm surprisingly alert and coherent enough to stand and smoke a cigarette. I navigate through this mysterious wireframe world with very heavy-feeling legs outside for a smoke. Ketamine affects the sense of time. I felt like I took 2 puffs of my cigarette before it was burned to the filter. Oh well. Going back inside, still reeling from the K, we smoked another bowl, and spread out various cushions and blankets, got as many glasses of water as we could carry, and spread out on the floor. It was about this time, maybe 2:00am, that we took our first pill. The thought of taking a pill hadn't really crossed my mind, as I didn't pay for them or get them for myself.
I didn't know what I was getting myself into. I chewed the pill so it would be absorbed more quickly and then did a bump of K to last me until the pill kicked in. This didn't put me back into the opiate-like motionless mass like before but made me feel pleasantly disconnected and as relaxed as I've ever been. When the K wore off, none of us really felt the roll so we treated ourselves to a few lines of coke. Some say that cocaine kills a roll. I know this to be a myth, but I was having my doubts. At this point none of us was thinking particularly rationally, and the guy for whom we had gotten the pills was throwing pills at each of us. Down the hatch. Figuring this would kick the other roll in, we smoked a bit of pot and laid down in waiting. At about 2:30 there was still no sign of the Ecstasy. 'Either we're already to high to notice (seemed logical at the time) or these pills are crap' we thought. Boom.
The roll hit us like a ton of bricks. It seemed to cut right through the spacy-ness of the K and the general cloudiness of the pot. There was no 'coming-up', just instant rolling. 0-60mph in 0.0 seconds. When I roll, I don't feel like dancing, hugging, or feeling other people's hair. I don't want to play with inhalers, glowsticks, pop-rocks, vapo-rub, cats, or anything like that. When I roll, I like to lay down with a blanket, enjoy the insane body rush, talk, smoke marijuana and menthols, chew gum, listen to music, and become friends with people I just met. I think all the usual candy-rave stuff cheapens such a special feeling; I almost feel guilty just trying to feel 'fucked-up' with Ecstasy. By 3:30, i'm rolling pretty hard.
The four of us are laying on some giant cushions babbling to each other, smiling, occasionally getting up to switch records or get water. This 2-pill feelings is generally where I want to be when I'm rolling- so relaxed that I can't imagine standing up, but when I do stand up, the roll kicks in a little harder! Smoking some more pot really does great things to a roll. It takes off a little bit of the speediness and adds an element of humor to everything that really synergizes with the roll. I sometimes get mild visual hallucinations when I combine these two drugs, especially when the right song is playing. It's about 4:30 and our man with the pills has disappeared!
We were so deep in conversation that nobody noticed. A few minutes later everyone is holding yet another pill and staring at each other. 3 pills in 2 hours? Why not. If 2 is excellent, 3 must be amazing, right? Indeed it was. Not 10 minutes later I was rolling even harder. For me, rolling seems to involve periods of intense euphoria followed by periods of deep relaxation. The euphoria part usually involves a warm & fuzzy feeling with was much warmer and less fuzzy after the 3rd pill. This 'rushing' seemed to last much longer with the 3rd. This is a very intense place, maybe too intense if I don't know what Iím in for; more on this later. With this 3rd pill, standing up, for me, was out of the question. Not because I wasnít physically able to stand up, but because laying in a giant soft cushion felt so good that I couldn't possibly imagine anything else. Keep in mind, Iíd only been really rolling for about 2 hours and Iíd taken in 3 pills.
The quote 'a year of psychotherapy rolled into 6 hours' popped into my head and I began to reflect. In this state, I felt like everything is going to be ok- whatever problems I have don't really matter. This is bliss. Not in the I-don't-care-about-my-problems-'cause-I'm-high-trainspotting kind of way, but in a hopeful and productive kind of way. I realized that all my petty bullshit problems, broke, bored, dumped my girlfriend, whatever, don't really matter in the grand scheme of things. It's easy to get over things in this state, though this may come back to bite me later, (killer tuesday). I realize that there is a time and place for everything and this is the right time and right place.
This little theraputic stage of rolling usually happens from one pill and, logically, was more intense and enlightening with 3. I'm zoned out, still and silent, with an ear-to-ear grin, feeling completely at peace with the world. Looking around, my friends were all smiling, chatting, chilling out. The amazing part is that I hadn't really sat around and bonded with 2 of our group's 4 but I felt like we've been friends since grade school. That was the beginning of my spiritual-whatever journey of the night. Not the height of my highness, but the point where I really began to feel the empathetic qualities of E. I began to feel the 3rd roll a little more strongly, and one of my new friends and I did another good line of K. K is a funny thing. It completely slows down every thought and movement except for my mouth.
Sometimes I've caught myself in mid-sentence with no idea what Iíve been talking about; words seem to randomly fall out of my mouth rather than being properly arranged into ideas and stories. This is funny enough with K alone but throw in 3 pills and a little pot and Iíve got what might be the most incoherent and entertaining conversations of my life. Imagine fluent Spanish coming from your mouth, and suddenly realizing you don't speak a word of Spanish, all while mid-sentence in a deep conversation. Ecstasy kills any embarrassment you might normally feel while stumbling through a conversation, though it compounds the 'diarrhea of the mouth'. Ketamine doesn't really bring me down from a roll, it just gives it a kind of slow-motion effect. It allows me to step back and think about rolling. I thought 'look at that guy (me), he's wasted!' For some reason, I really enjoy smoking while on K so I gathered all of my strength and rallied to head outside for a smoke.
With the K running strong, I thought I might well be higher than I've ever been and begin to feel like a scientist or therapist looking in on drugs' effect on the human body. As I smoked, the K tapered off a little and I looked at myself as only someone on K can and I was very relieved and content. Sometimes I've had a little bit of fleeting drug-induced paranoia. Not the feeling that everyone is looking at me, but that I've taken things too far, kind of crackhead-ish. Sometimes I have to ask myself: What you are doing? Is this fun? Am I taking this too far? Why am I doing this? I felt like I was indeed taking this level of highness/consciousness farther than is necessary, but more to satisfy a personal curiosity than to satisfy some kind of emotional need. Ecstasy and Ketamine make you very honest to yourself and I knew, in whatever part of my body that was still sober, that I was doing this for no other reason than to have fun. Think 'This would be fun' and not 'This would make me feel better' (This experience has stuck in my mind vividly since then). Maybe it was the 3rd pill talking, but this was kind of a shock to me. I had never looked at drugs in this way. I was infinitely pleased with this little revelation which has since changed the way I look at drugs.
Don't get me wrong, I know I've gone out and gotten high on something to forget some ridiculous thing, blown too much money on coke I didn't need, done stupid things that are hell on my body, and have had some pretty crackhead moments in my travels, but I never forget exactly why Iím doing whatever it is Iím doing, even if I want to.
Now, armed with a new confidence and a slightly different attitude, I was ready to go for the gold. I walked back inside and found what I expected, pill boy throwing pills around our little circle. I smoked a bowl to kick my roll back into high gear and then dropped my 4th pill of the evening. One of the group was spinning records right after he took his pill and within 5 minutes, he could barely walk, let alone match beats and change records. He put on a cd and made his way back to the floor with the rest of us. 4 pills is hard to describe.
The introspective and therapeutic qualities are thrown out the window along with my ability to stand up, read, think abstractly, and part of my ability to see. My eyes couldn't focus on anything for more than an instant, my jaw was clenched tight, I'm hot, I'm cold, I'm hot, I'm cold, and speaking was pretty difficult. However, the high is out of this world. That was rolling as hard as I ever want to roll again (I realized after #5). This gave me yet another new respect for Ecstasy; I never imagined a drug could produce such a body feeling.
At this point I was no longer in control of my high. Normally, I can think of certain things that will either bring me up or down- forget it. For the next few hours, not much was said by anybody except for the occasional 'Holy Shit!' or 'I'm rolling so hard right now!' with the occasional 'I haven't come down at all!' Eventually, some of the crew went up to watch tv , one person went to throw up, someone did some K with me and smoked some pot, and our dj regained his ability to spin. While I watched the dj do his thing, I saw some of the most magical hallucinations I've ever seen. I vividly remember hearing a Sasha track while seeing some giant machine moving in time with the music; each piece of the machine was a different electronic bleep or drumbeat or whatever. This didn't last long, but my mind was thoroughly blown.
At this point I had been laying in the floor for probably 4 solid hours and had to stand as if my life depended on it. As I stood, my vision was a little cloudy and it seemed as if there were cotton in my ears, but I was still composed enough to make my way around wire-frame land to use the bathroom and smoke a cigarette.
Nothing deep and revealing on this smoke break, just a damn good and satisfying smoke. Smoking seems to level me out just a little bit, not really changing anything, just kind of taking the edge off a little bit (there was a lot of edge to be taken off).
The next paragraph is my own little 'Red Badge of Courage'. When I sat down, I realized that I was still rolling really, really, hard and still enjoying myself. One of my people and I contemplated taking 1 more pill. We rationalized this with the following argument: it's 8am on Sunday, the next few days are already shot, and how much higher could we possibly be? As soon as I took my last pill I knew then and there that I was done with E for a while. I felt like the past 7 hours were very very important and that the next 2 or 3 will have satisfied every curiosity I could possibly imagine. I was right. Within 10 minutes I was pretty much a quivering mass of skin filled with jelly. We laid there shaking our heads thinking 'Wow, I didn't think I could possibly be any higher than I was 20 min ago'.
This was entirely too high, Like being in some foreign country, or better yet, another planet. I might as well have melted into the cushion I was laying on. Taking a sip of water felt like running a marathon, I was sweating, shaking occasionally, and felt like I was strapped to the top of the Space Shuttle while it was blasting off. At this point, there was no more rolling- no ups and downs, just UP UP UP. I knew I was way too high to be having fun; it was something like being electrocuted. It was still absolutely fascinating. I felt as though there were a 'line in the sand' in front of me. On my side of the line was life and the other, death. I felt like I was close to the line as I could possibly get; little shudders ran through my body every now and then reminding me of how close I was. I was not scared at all during this trip because I knew which side of the line I was staying on.
After that decision, these hours were relatively uneventful, with not much more than me laying down thinking how unbelievably hard I was rolling. At this point I was pretty much reduced to my sense of hearing and touch.
It was about 10am before I felt the slightest coming off of the roll. 2 hours of pure insane consciousness. Coming down was very interesting. As soon as the effects wore off ever-so-slightly, I was miles away from my state 2 hours ago. I was back to rolling, not just going up. I came down fairly quickly; by 11am I was somewhat steady and smoked a little pot to calm the nerves. I sat back and enjoyed the music, actually a little eager to be back to baseline, though I knew that might take weeks. At one point I became insanely paranoid that everyone was looking at me and talking about me but I got that under control quickly! We laid around, did one more bump of K to get rid of it, waited for that to go away, and then I absolutely had to leave. [Erowid Note:
Driving while intoxicated, tripping, or extremely sleep deprived is dangerous and irresponsible because it endangers other people. Don't do it!]
I did a few lines of coke to wake me up for the drive home, the people that had shit to do that day took a little speed (not for me), we shook hands and stumbled away. The drive home was not pretty. I went right to the bedroom, took the best shower of my life, got in the bed, and laid in a half-tripping twilight sleep state for about 6 hours before I indeed fell asleep.
Normally, after I take 1 or 2 rolls, I have a bit of weird side-effects for a day, and am fine after that. Usually it's 2 on Sat, sleep a few hours Sun afternoon, feel like shit all night, and wake up tired and sore Monday, but in otherwise good spirits. I never get the depression (only a hint of it once, after 3pills) and handle it well. How I look back on my rolling experience usually determines my mood. This time, however, I woke up tripping every morning until Friday. Not a little spaced-out, but seriously tripping. Weird patterns, weird sounds, the craziest dreams I have ever had. On Monday and Tuesday, whenever I smoked a cigarette, I would catch a little roll for about 30 seconds- not the best way to go to work. I felt a little depressed on Wednesday, nothing too terrible, just felt like a bad day. The whole week I did not do any drugs. I thought I should feel what 5 pills will do to your body. It was about what I expected.
Here's what I took away from that experience:
I will never do that again. Now that I know what 4 and 5 really good pills feel like, I can safely say that I could happily live the rest of my life without ever rolling like that again. I haven't taken Ecstasy since this experience for two reasons: I get a tolerance quickly and Iím not going to waste $40, and I simply don't want to. E is very special for me, not an every-weekend party drug, and this time was a very special experience. I know I overdid it, and that was kind of the point. I learned a lot about the drug and as cheesy as it sounds, myself. Part of the reason I overdid it is because I knew that was going to be it for serious drug use for a while. I wouldn't say that this experience changed my life or anything, but for the short-term, it was very much life-changing just what I needed. I've found that I can only really reap the psychological benefits of E when I stop taking it!
I later came to find out that these were supposedly really high-quality, pure, clean, pills. A friend who can eat 3 pills and go to work said 6 of these at once was almost too much for him!
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