Citation: SomeGrrl. "I Became the Music: An Experience with Alcohol, Cannabis - Hash & Gotu Kola (exp4866)". Erowid.org. Jan 9, 2002. erowid.org/exp/4866
About a year ago I went to the gynecologist to get a little laceration treated and he prescribed a drug basically compounded of centella asiatica (Gotu Kola). As far as I know, this substance is usually administered to heal small wounds and, as I found out, can have unexpected results if mixed with other substances.
So I started my medication, which consisted of one dose every two weeks for a period of four to six months, topically administered (although I don't recall the exact number of grams in every dose of centella). It so happened that during my treatment I went out partying one night. I had had my last dose about five days before and to be honest it didn't even cross my mind that having drugs during the treatment could have any effects.
Anyway, I went out clubbing with a couple of friends. We arrived at our favourite club about 1 in the morning and I had my first beer for the night. I had a second and a third beer during the course of the night and everything was fine. We were all dancing and having a great time. So about 4 in the morning I had a fourth beer and while I was drinking that and dancing I had about 10 drags of hash (rolled with tobacco). Soon after that I started feeling that a different state of conciousness was starting to settle in, to blend into the slightly drunk dizziness I was already feeling. It started as some kind of hyperconciousness--I was extremely aware of every movement, every sound, every look and every little gesture around. There was also some paranoia to it... I started thinking that people had noticed the state I was in and were making fun of me. Then suddenly the feeling changed.
I found myself standing in the middle of a dancing crowd and having a bombardment of thoughts and ideas coming into my mind. The sensation is difficult to explain. I would have an idea and then that image would give rise to five different ones and those five would equally multiply by five, until I was unable to keep track of my own thoughts. Of course, none of these ideas had any sense or were attached to reality in any way. It was pretty much a flow of intellectual images--there was logic to them in a certain way but I think this 'logic' was just an illusion. Unfortunately I am unable to recall any of the ideas that crossed my mind during those minutes; in fact, even as I was experiencing this I couldn't remember the ideas after a few seconds. The flow was so fast I guess there was no space left in mind to use memory. This is the weirdest sensation I've ever had in my life. In a way I wasn't really thinking about anything BUT I was thinking about all this exponentially multiplying ideas at the same time. And, there still was a little spot in the back of my mind that was watching all this chaos from the outside, recording all the sensations and keeping the 'real me' alive and concious.
It was an amazing and frightening experience. Basically, I was scared not to be able to get OUT of that state. I remember thinking (in one of the free spaces in the back of my mind) that maybe that was what being crazy might be like. But at the same time it was fascinating. The height of it came when the club was about to close. My favorite song was on and this was when I had my 'mystical' experience, to call it some way. I was dancing, completely carried away by the music and the flow of ideas was starting to slow down. Suddenly I felt _I_ was music. I was the song that was playing. I completely lost track of myself. This is really hard to explain and actually I don't really remember how it felt like exactly, I just remember that I felt it. It wasn't like getting out of my body... it was more like my body was part of the music, without losing its physical entity. Probably hard to understand, I know.
Anyway, this is NOT something I would recommend doing, especially because the feelings of paranoia, craziness and loss of control of my mind was absolutely overwhelming. On the other hand, I have no idea if this state could be reproduced. There had been previous times during my medication that I had had alcohol and hash with no such effects or any effects whatsoever apart from those I would normally expect. But it really was something I will never forget.
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