Citation: Shoobie Doo. "Psycho-emotional Awakening Life Change: An Experience with LSD & MDMA (exp47079)". Erowid.org. Mar 22, 2007. erowid.org/exp/47079
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When I was in the second year of college I got in with a friendly crowd who smoked a lot of dope. They also did other drugs. I had done various drugs before but this was my first candyflip. We did not set out to candyflip, it just happened that those were the drugs we got our hands on that night. I had recently broken up with a very straight laced boyfriend of 2 years and was feeling rangy and exploratory about life in general.
My friend A had gone away to visit some people in his home town and I knew he had stashed a batch of fairly good acid in his fridge. I was feeling mischievous and I ended up out with two people I had only just met through a mutual friend - we just helped ourselves to the acid. We were 'on a mission' as we called it.
It was all a bit hedonistic and unthinking, which was good because it set the scene for a discovery/journey together/ see what happens/no ties kind of trip. We were coming up on the acid but I didn't feel like I was tripping and was at that point under the illusion that the acid was having no effect. In fact it was having an effect but it was very clean and subtle so everything just flowed naturally. One of the guys we'd dropped the acid with took off and left - I don't know why and I never stopped to think about it.
Another friend came by and saw that me and my new friend B were tripping and said he had some good MDMA pills. He suggested we try them too to enhance the experience. We walked back to his place to take them - we had taken about three or four paper squares of LSD each and we topped this up with 1.5 tabs of MDMA each. I also smoked some joints but so potent was the LSD/MSDA cocktail that it didn't seem to make much difference.
As we walked back through the empty streets to B's room, I began to see psychedelic nets and balls floating around. B agreed he could see them too. I was filled with the sense that the world was a benign and interesting place. We were seemingly coming up on both drugs together.
We were both so affected that night that we had the same CDs on repeat for much of the night as we couldn’t get it together to change the CD player. For an hour so other student friends had come in to say hello and smoke but seeing us on a major trip they drifted off leaving us to it. B had this gadget called a mindlab, a device which is like a pair of glasses which have flashing LEDs on them - you close your eyes and plug into a walkman-like machine which plays alpha and beta waves etc. The noises made me feel awful but I discovered that I could sit listening to the music we were playing (it was the 1st Leftfield album and The Orb UFOrb) and put the flashing glasses on and I would drift off into an intense visual inner trip. I have to say the colours and the images were amazingly vivid, and I felt very emotional from the MDMA. To give an example of the intensity – it was stuff like flying though clouds with intense bright light and the warmth of the sun on my face and Pegasus flying past - yeah, the full 'signs and wonders' works.
The overriding factor in all this is that all through the night I 'forgot' I had taken drugs, or did not think 'Oh I am having a drug experience' - it really seemed that some new place in my soul was opening up which had previously been hidden to me.
After what seemed like a very long time, I was suddenly plunged headlong into what I consider to be my only REAL trip ever. I was as if I was dreaming a movie or something, but I was IN the movie. I was flying across a seascape as if I was a gull or a sea bird and away in the distance I could see this island. I was thinking - 'This is the real thing- this is the land of the mind' - I could see the island was densely wooded but it had a beautiful huge building in the middle of it, a white turreted huge palace with gold flags glinting in the breeze. I realised that this was The Library of all Things. Inside the library it was like a cathedral very ornate and worshipful. But to my puzzlement there were no books in the library, only myself as a three year old running about this massive huge building. The realisations I had were that I had to write the books to fill the library (what ever that meant – I now think it meant be responsible for your own destiny) and that I had to rescue that little three year old girl who'd been living alone in that huge lonely library with nothing in it. It was a message to me about my life.
All in all it was a good interesting night but there was something thing very profound about the intense trip part of the night. I felt like a missing magical part of myself had been revealed or restored to me.
The reason I wanted to share this experience is because I truly believe that doing that candyflip actually enabled me to open up the tightly locked flood gates and begin resolving issues from my past. I have heard they used to use LSD in the treatment of alcoholics in a similar way. Essentially what came out of that trip was that I was able to tell my mother about my secret childhood abuse by a relative - I told her about it about 2 weeks later. Since then I have had my ups and downs but I am now in a good place - I have had plenty of other experiences with drugs, not all of them good - but I remember that trip so vividly even to this day some 10 years later.
Who can say why it happened when it did? Perhaps I was at a crossroads of life? But I tend to think that in fact it just so happened that by happy accident I took the right combination of chemicals at the right time in my life, in the right setting, so that the profound soul searching other worlds experience of the LSD was buoyed up and given a smooth ride by the emotional flood of love and warmth and well being from the MDMA.
I have never regretted that trip.
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