Citation: Uncle Sweetshare. "What the Hell Just Happened?: An Experience with Amphetamines & Sleep Deprivation (exp47071)". Erowid.org. Jun 13, 2006. erowid.org/exp/47071
The way life works is mind-boggling; the most inconceivably intense trip in my life was not caused by any psychedelics, but because I simply stayed up for 60 or so hours straight, which in turn was because of the boredom caused by having no drugs. Before this experience I had heard that I had delirium from lack of sleep, but I didn't even begin to fathom the intensity caused by it. I didn't stay up for the purpose of hallucinating at all, it just so happened that two days before my doctor doubled my Dexedrine dosage and I had recently received a lot of new DVD's as presents. I merely wanted to see how far I could push myself in a 5-day-long movie watching marathon.
I had taken my daily dose of 45 mg Dexedrine at 7:00 each morning since Monday, but as far as I know there were no other drugs in my system. I've considered that maybe this experience was some kind of horrific flash back, or that for some odd reason I was smoking too many cigarettes (I'm currently up to 8 - 12 a day) and that somehow caused a psychedelic journey. I know the trip was from sleep deprivation alone, but I cannot force my mind to accept that such a brilliantly frightening trip could have been caused by just that and no illicit substances.
Anyways, I wasn't on any other drug than my suped-up amount of Dexedrine, which begins to wear off at around 20:00. During the second day of staying up I began to feel slightly disoriented, but no major visuals or auditory hallucinations except for the occasional seeing-things-out-of-the-corner-of-my-eye, which happens fairly often when sober. All of the second night up I was watching movies, but it was hard to focus on anything happening on the TV; my mind seemed to be charged with 500 volts of electricity. Extremely random thoughts kept popping into my mind, and sometimes I would catch myself subconsciously muttering them to myself. I came up with the most brilliant revelations and ideas that night, but the following trip forced me to forget them all.
I first noticed slight visual disturbances when dawn just started to break, and my room turned from a dull light blue to some kind of blue that I had never seen before. It was an odd mix of every blue I had ever seen, but distorted in a way that I could not figure out. It was about at that time when I realized I should get some sleep, at least a few hours before school. However, the longer I laid idly in my bed it seemed the faster my brain was working, I swear I was thinking 4 things at a time for 5 consecutive seconds before I came up with a whole new group of ideas that I would consider until the process started over. The bumps on my ceiling began to slowly swirl when I didn't focus on them, and my window kept appearing to have ripples whenever I glanced at it.
I didn't really catch on to the fact that I was about to have some kind of psychedelic experience until that moment, and all of a sudden I got that 'here we go' sensation in my stomach. At first I didn't know what to feel, and a fear overtook me. I usually take hell of good care of myself at least 3 days before any kind of psychedelic experience, and the fact that one had snuck up on me while I was unprepared cause a rapid movement of bad thoughts to flow through my mind. I continued freaking myself out with those damn 'what if' questions (thinking of every possible thing that could and possibly would go wrong; i.e. what if my heart suddenly explodes and I have to attend my classes anyways) for about 10 or so minutes before the realization that I would have a free trip came to me.
This immediately lifted my mood, as I loved to trip out and haven't ever had a bad trip in my life before (I usually end up freaking myself out for the first 5-10 minutes of a trip anyways, but I always tend to forget about it and enjoy myself for the rest of the duration). This revelation, if it may so be called that, lifted my mood greatly, and the negative energy that I felt in the air immediately turned to a euphoric daze, and I allowed myself to think of the craziest ideas and concepts (up until this point I had been trying to stop thinking so much because I had wanted sleep). Now instead of the tragic Iím doomed to die this day' attitude I had been harboring, I took on a whole new personality, and it was good.
It was about 30 or so minutes after this revelation that I saw my first real hallucination; I was on this very computer talking on AIM when I took a quick glance at the living room mirror, which is about 6 feet tall and very wide. At first I just saw myself looking at me, but then to my horror I realized the shape of some menacing life form directly behind me. From the bit I could make out I determined that it was some kind of demonic man, and with my new thought process I quickly reasoned that he was here to dissect my brain for some kind of mineral or chemical. I stared in horror, not daring to look directly at it but kept staring at my own reflection. I finally gained enough courage to cast a quick glance at his face, and when I did it was gone. All that remained was the blank white wall above my head. I forced myself to laugh, and reminded myself that I was tripping and that I would be fine, after all, I was only on a harmless drug (at the time I didn't remember that I was tripping from not sleeping, I had actually believed that I had taken something; although I spent the longest times trying to think of what, but could never bring myself to say).
After that horrific episode, I was both dying of hunger and thirst, so I walked (half walked/half stumbled rather) to the kitchen to eat whatever was left from whenever. It was still pretty dark, the sky was still that unnamable light bluish color. I opened my refrigerator door to make my selection of breakfast when the fridge light automatically went on. This surprised me so much that I jumped back into the wall behind me and yelled 'What the fuck?'. I had forgotten that there was a light in there at all, and because of the darkness in the house it seemed like a blinding flash of pure white light. It took a few minutes to figure out the mechanics of it all, and soon I determined that the light could in no way hurt me. So I braced myself and opened the door again, but this time I was expecting it so everything was normal. As it turned out, I had scheduled to go shopping that day, so unfortunately I could find nothing to eat, so I just poured myself a lot of water and returned to the computer.
At this point I wasn't scared, just timid and on alert, like I had inhaled a large amount of cocaine for a whole night. My thought process was altered greatly, and I was thinking like I had never thought before. I resumed my talking to friends when I happened to glance at that damn mirror again, only this time to see outstanding ripples protruding from the exact center. This reminded me of a square container of water, which reminded me of a fish tank, which caused me to become increasingly curious about the living room fish tank. So now I had to quench my curiosity about fish and water, and I got up and walked across the living room to the fish tank. As I walked, it seemed the floor grew, making it appear that I wasn't walking anywhere. I continued for a few minutes, expecting it to stop. It didn't, so I got frustrated and decided to sprint the rest of the way. I had only ran about three steps when I ran smack dab into the opposite wall, which confused me further, as it appeared to be 15 feet away a second ago.
Finally, I reached the fish tank to stare at my fish, and what I saw astonished me. The fish were gliding through the water rather than swimming, making it appear that they were floating in mid-air. Amazed, I touched the glass, expecting to touch a fish. Then I remembered it was a fish tank and that I was being idiotic, so I returned to the computer console, and resumed talking to my friends, who were apparently not listening to my rambling of every thought that passed through my mind. I continued this without incident for about 10 minutes when I got bored of being ignored and decided to watch another new DVD in my room. I made the trek to my room, which seemingly took an hour, and when I opened the door I was suddenly aware that Al Pacino on my Scarface poster was moving his mouth, as if he was silently talking. Surprisingly, this wasn't the least bit odd, and I took my place on my bed with a grin, as if it was a normal day.
I put in a random disc from my new Futurama: Season 3 collection, and as soon as the images were on the screen I started a fit of hysterical uncontrollable laughter. When the laughter subsided, I noticed that the 30 minute long episode was already almost over, which was extremely surprising, for I had only thought I was laughing for a minute or so. My sense of time was horribly distorted.
From this point on I donít remember anything, I though I had nodded off, but apparently not. When I woke up, it was about 19 hours later and just turning to night, but since it was fairly dark when I 'blacked out' I thought I had only took a short nap. I woke to find 50% of the living room oddities (coasters, pencils, the downstairs phone, a vase with live flowers) in my room placed in odd positions in odd places. I found walking down my stairs harder than usual, due to the fact that there were orange traffic triangle plastic objects on every other step, which were outside in the shed. Every light downstairs and upstairs (except my room) were on, but the kitchen was exactly as I had left it. Apparently, the only explanation I can think of is me in a delirious muddle randomly doing whatever seemed natural until I passed out, which I luckily did on my bed.
Anyways, thus concludes my lengthy experience of sobriety and delirious states. Ií not too sure if thereís a lesson to be learned from this but it was quite a journey. Even though it was kind of pleasant, I will probably never do this again, due to the migraine the next day. It blew.
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