Citation: Dez. "ER, Self Inflicted Wounds & Painful Memories: An Experience with Alcohol, MDMA (Ecstasy), Cannabis & LSD (exp46911)". Erowid.org. May 13, 2006. erowid.org/exp/46911
Okay this is a long one. I'll start off by saying that I'm very experienced in the use of LSD among many other drugs. I'm 30 and I started experimenting with drugs in the late 80's. By the time I was 14 I had been smoking weed, eating acid and mushrooms, and snorting coke a few times a month. My drug of choice had always been LSD. During my 4 years of the military (USMC) I ate lots of LSD. There were times when I'd eat 10-20 hits all at once and would trip for a whole weekend. I did it mainly because it was cheaper than other drugs and it apparently rarely showed up in a urinalysis.
Anyways, I've had many bad trips in the past that were like God tapping me on the shoulder telling me I need to stop but I ignored the suggestions time and time again. This time was a punch in the face in comparison. I made fun of anyone who said they had an experience like this thinking they were just 'weak-minded' or already crazy. Little did I know, I was about to experience my own horrifying and near death experience. This is where I saw an image of God turning his back on me and letting one of Satan's demons have his way with me for a while to teach me a lesson that I apparently needed.
It was 12-31-2004. I went to a club with my best friends and had a few RedBull Vodkas and a roll (mdma). I had the most wonderful time. I heard great music, danced my ass off, met a beautiful girl and went home with her. We had a great time and never went to sleep that night. The next morning I went over to my best friend's (we'll call him A) house to continue celebrating the New Year while mixing records and stuff. My other best friend (we'll call him P) came over with some wine. We smoked a couple bowls and drank a couple glasses of wine. Then I ate my 2nd pill. This was around 10am. We were contemplating how perfect our New Year's Eve went and were looking forward to our New Year's Day. Someone suggested we eat acid. I forgot that I had a vial I brought over from San Diego a couple months prior. P had grabbed it for me when he grabbed the wine.
Now I had several friends (including P) who had taken this acid a couple months prior and said it was very mild. They each took 4 hits but they were taking 1 or 2 hits at a time. I had the vial in the freezer the whole time it was in my possession. I had taken the vial out of the freezer and brought it with me when I moved to Colorado.
So, let's get back to the scene. I hadn't taken this particular acid but based on the reaction of my friend's who'd taken it before I figured it wasn't that strong so I ate 4 drops at once which was not uncommon to me in years past. A and P ate 3 drops. We all had been feeling great from partying the night before and were looking forward to an excellent trip. Now normally someone who eats acid might end up partying all night long but this was the first time I'd partied all night long and then decided to eat acid. So, the factors contributing to my experience with this acid were sleep deprivation, dehydration, malnourishment (hadn't eaten in almost 24hrs), ecstacy, weed, vodka and wine.
The acid hit me 10 minutes into it which seemed unusually fast. This was about 11am. It came on extremely stronger than usual. The good feelings I had from everything else I was on went away and things were feeling less and less enjoyable as time went on. The visuals were uncontrollably vivid and amazing but no more than some other intense trips I'd had. I started to get sick to my stomach so I went and puked in the bathroom but had nothing to puke out. Shortly after, P puked. I continued my vomiting with nothing coming out. I started to get tired from my stomach muscles contracting for about a half hour. By 11:30am I was tripping extremely hard but was feeling like I needed to take a nap which was really unusual for me. A and P kept asking if I was alright. I said 'Yeah, I just need to rest.'
So I went to sleep (so I thought) and had the craziest nightmare of a shadow demon trying to take over my body and making me speak a different language that I could understand at the time. I was dreaming that my best friends were trying to beat me and/or rape me. I was partially blind the whole time. I could only see things in my peripheral vision. It was horrifying. I kept trying to get up and run for my life while inside A's apartment. I felt like they were holding me down and were trying to take my clothes off. I was constantly fighting this shadow demon trying to take back my own body. Sometimes I'd succeed and was able to see and understand what my friends were saying temporarily and then the demon would pull me right back out of my body. I would look down at myself watching me scream and see my body contort in weird positions. I kept screaming 'WHAT'S HAPPENING!!!', 'PLEASE MAKE IT STOOOPPP!!!' and 'SOMEBODY HELP MEEE!!!' as loud as I could over and over again thinking no one could help me or hear me and that I was left alone to deal with this demon and these two individuals who resembled my best friends that were trying to do unspeakable things to me.
So I finally awoke from that horrible nightmare. I was laying down in a bright unfamiliar room. A blurry vision of a woman approached me and I asked 'What happened?' The nurse replied 'You're in the hospital.' It was late afternoon the next day. My forehead was hurting but I couldn't move. My arms and legs were strapped down to the hospital bed. She unstrapped me and I reached to feel my head and it was swollen. She gave me a mirror and I could barely recognize myself. I looked like sloth from 'Goonies'. Apparently throughout the whole nightmare I was fighting and thrashing about. I ran into the corner of a metal beam in the apartment trying to get away from whatever was trying to harm me and I cracked my skull causing my head to swell. There were numerous slices and puncture wounds up and down my arms, legs, and shoulders from all the broken glass caused by my actions. The nurse said 'I knew you weren't really a violent person.' I didn't realize that I had done anything. She said I was screaming, cursing, and trying to fight the cops and paramedics the whole time.
She removed the IV's and the catheter from my penis which was very uncomfortable. My wrists were in pain and cut up from trying to break free from the handcuffs. I was naked because I'd ripped my shirt off with one hand and the medics had to cut my jeans off of me for the IV's and stuff. I had completely destroyed A's apartment. There were holes in the walls from my head and fists. I broke the sliding glass door and a closet door by running right through them. I tried to jump off the balcony from the 2nd floor but didn't succeed. A's records and dj equipment were scattered everywhere and all his drinking glasses were broken from me falling and thrashing around on top of them. They told me that my eyes were the opposite of being dilated. He told me my pupils were like pin needles and almost non-existant. He said I had a blank stare with the look of extreme fright the whole time as if my soul was missing from my body. They said at times I'd speak odd jibberish that made no sense to them and my voice was so different that they couldn't believe it was me they were witnessing during this whole ordeal. P mentioned my body was maneuvering in awkward ways like I was trying to bend backwards to break my own spine or something. It freaked the shit out of both of them so much they finally decided to call 911. Thank God.
I thought I knew it all about LSD. It doesn't matter if you're the least or the most experienced person with this drug. We're all susceptible to horrible consequences. I was in a very comfortable and familiar setting with two of my best friends in the world. I no longer do that drug and have a $15,000 medical bill for 18hrs in the emergency room. I've got permanent scars all over my body and bad memories that will never go away.
I wish I could accurately describe what I went through but no words exist that can do that. Please be careful.
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