Citation: bluedolphin. "Reconcile Your Existence: An Experience with LSD (exp46848)". Erowid.org. Nov 23, 2005. erowid.org/exp/46848
My first LSD trip was a relatively weak fractal blotter taken on the second night of Phish's 'IT' festival over the summer. The emotions, the music, the 70,000 person glow stick war, all were perfect. The LSD heightened, but did not distract me from the incredible experience at hand. My second LSD trip was another weak blotter. Very weak visuals, but a very nice mental change and great music enhancement made for a fun night. My third LSD trip blew the door wide open. During this trip it became obvious that LSD had a lot to teach me, and this first real trip simply outlined the lesson plan revolving around peace, love, friendship, and psychedelia.
My fourth LSD trip was a complete overwhelming of my senses. For a couple hours I could do little but sit in one place absorbing all the sensory input that was flooding my brain. Then I started to draw three dimensional solar systems with my finger in front of my face, flicking the planets around their orbits and setting the system in motion. On the comedown, I was able to let all the sensory input coalesce into the second lesson: Apply the ideals of peace, love, friendship, and psychedelia which are obvious at the height of an LSD trip to my real life. Become a more peaceful, loving, friendly, and individual person.
This trip took place almost two months ago, so I may fast-forward through blocks of time if I can't remember anything really interesting happening during that time.
I had two 'eyeball' blotters, one blue and one orange, saved with the intention of taking LSD with my girlfriend for her first real trip. She had one of the weak blotters from my second trip, but apparently got less from the experience than did I.
The eyeball blotters were from the same batch of silver crystal as the flies that blew me away on my third trip (see report above). However, while the flies were said to be 80 to 90 micrograms of silver, the eyeballs were said to be about 160 micrograms. Others who had tried the eyeballs said they were stronger than the flies, so I was ready for an intense experience.
Claims of measured microgram dosages for LSD are usually unsupported. Quantitative measurements for LSD are very difficult to do and cannot be done casually. Without further detailed information about how the measurements were derived, it is reasonable to assume that most statements of microgram dosages of LSD on blotter or in microdots are either misinformed or overstated.]
Our decision to trip was a spontaneous group decision. There would be four of us tripping that night: Myself, with an orange eyeball; My girlfriend, Psilosara, with a blue eyeball; My buddy 'T', with 16mg of 2C-I; and a new friend 'M', with about 25mg of 2C-B.
T always takes a long time to feel his 2C-I, so he dosed around 7:30pm. Psilosara and I dosed around 8:30pm, and M dosed around 9:00pm because we couldn't find him for a while. I knew the acid was real after about 10 minutes, because I could already feel the slight mental change taking place. During the comeup, T wanted to boil his pipe clean in the kitchen of our on-campus theme house. Sure, go for it dude. Soon the whole house smelled like boiling resin, and we decided we should keep the weedy smells to a reasonable level while tripping, so we opened some windows and considered the pipe boiling done.
The comeup was strange, because I spent a fair amount of time half-tripping and feeling like I was in limbo. Psilosara apparently felt this even more, and she wanted to go upstairs and listen to some music in my room, so we all went up there and put on some mellow tunes. This was around 10:00pm, and T was just starting to trip, and M wasn't feeling anything except a little 'off'. I told him he wouldn't be peaking on the 2C-B for another hour and a half and that the first 2 hours on 2C-B were usually pretty lame and uneventful. Meanwhile I closed my eyes and let the music absorb me. As I closed my eyes I was greeted with CEVs of my body folding in upon itself over and over again. I meditated on this and it became quite intense until I saw Psilosara pop in to view until her face was in front of mine. I thought I was seeing through my eyelids but when I opened my eyes she was still sitting on the bed to my side.
Around this point I noticed that I was very high.
The LSD 'high' is unlike any other that I've experienced. It does not stone me like cannabis, DXM, or AMT. It doesn't give me a 'buzz' like 2C-I, mescaline, or cannabis. It also doesn't make me feel warm and fuzzy like mdma or opiates. Instead, the LSD high is a combination of a feeling of pleasant vibration, a 'pull' upwards that makes me feel light and floaty like I can partially defy gravity, and a great feeling of awe and enlightenment. I can feel the LSD pumping through my arteries. The change in the way my body works under the influence of LSD feels drastic, but fortunately it also feels relatively harmless, especially compared to most of the phenethylamines I've tried.
Everybody was smoking pot, but I only took one hit because pot likes to raise my heart rate, sometimes by a good margin. My heart rate is one of the only things that ever scares me whilst tripping, so I've learned to keep the pot to a minimum, especially on drugs that already increase my heart rate. Anyway the one hit was enough to relax me and synergize nicely with the LSD high.
We went downstairs to Psilosara's room, which is decorated with lots of cool tapestries and strange and colorful lights and lamps. It is a very trippy and cozy room. I leaned back against her bed and looked at the wood grain on her dresser, and watched as the entire image of her dresser repeated in on itself until there were infinite representations of itself within the larger image. This occured right as T and M asked 'what I was seeing'. I was also watching the lights wiggle around, and carpet crawl, and some really bright blue and green lines surround the edges of many objects. As always with LSD, my vision was impossibly crisp and the visuals were of amazing detail and clarity.
We chilled here for a while, talking about random stuff which I can't recall. I remember having a hard time finding a comfortable position on the bed, and thinking my insides were caving in. I realized a few minutes later that this was because of the way I was sitting, and adjusted myself much to my comfort.
At one point I noticed the entire room take on a dark, scary theme. My visuals became eerie, and my 'high' took on an uncomfortable feeling. For some reason I was starting to have a bad trip, but I didn't know why. I tried to hide my fear and work it out in my head as the others continued their conversations. I could feel the life being sucked out of me, and I feared that I would spend the next several hours freaking out. But then I remembered that everything that happens on LSD happens for a reason, and I began thinking back about my last LSD trip and what I had learned. I realized that I had done a reasonably good job applying the teachings to my life, and I did consider myself a better person because of it.
I started to feel a little better...
Then it came to me: Reconcilation. I need not doubt myself in the face of others. I have chosen my path in life, and that is one of love and spontaneity. And that is wonderful. I had reconciled with myself! No longer would I need to feel shame or self-disappointment for small failures.
I started feeling *much* better!
Then I thought, 'Thank you LSD'...
The wave of euphoria that washed over me right as I thought that is indescribable. To have gone through pain and fear, and through a very valuable life lesson come to feel as good and alive as I've ever felt in such a short time span was incredible.
Then the room started to turn dark again, and I looked over at Psilosara and noticed she looked a little sad. I made eye contact with her and smiled, and as she smiled back at me the room lit up with joy. She looked absolutely beautiful. Throughout the night she had been acting with the confidence and honesty that I know she always has in her, but she wasn't holding back and it was wonderful. I looked at her sitting in the chair in front of her desk, and watched as all the objects around her: her computer, her lava lamp, her posters, her keyboard, etc, turned rapidly into different, constantly changing objects. I was amazed, seeing her in all her beauty in a thousand different times and places.
M was enjoying his 2C-B, looking at his hands and laughing about things. Unfortunately communication was difficult for me during this trip, but I felt like we bonded a bit throughout the experience anyway. T was talking about Nirvana and how beautiful and powerful Kurt's music was. It was really great to see how moved he was by the whole thing.
Soon enough T and M left, I guess it was getting late, and besides I like to spend time with Psilosara one-on-one anyway. She went to use the bathroom and I started in the mirror for a while. I was expecting to look into my personality or something like that, but instead the wall around the mirror rotated into a gradual slope, and the image inside the mirror took on a look of a Van Gogh-ish oil painting, constantly in fluid motion. I was amazed at the detail and beauty! Then Psilosara came back in and we tried talking for a while, which was really hard because we both were getting really confused by each other. I said something like 'LSD really confuses you!' and she agreed, so it was perfectly allright. We put the Phish documentary Bittersweet Motel (excellent!) on the DVD player and tried watching that, but we were both too distracted by our thoughts and visuals to devote our full attention to it. Occasionally a part of the DVD would come on where Trey would play an amazing solo, and we'd both watch in awe.
Our trips were winding down by the end of the film, and we had been making out and fooling around during much of the movie anyway (unfortunately sex was not possible for these few days of the month), so as the sun was rising we fell asleep.
We woke up feeling a bit tripped out but overall refreshed and with a whole lot to talk about
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