Citation: Xorkoth. "Subversive Herb - A Follow-up Report: An Experience with Kratom (exp46082)". Erowid.org. Oct 14, 2005. erowid.org/exp/46082
This is a follow-up to my experience report entitled One of My Favorites
It has been about six months since I posted that report, and almost a year since I began using kratom, and I feel it necessary to say some things about it that I was blind to or didn't yet know about when I posted previously.
During that time, I was near the beginning of my kratom usage, and I loved it. However, soon after, my already shaky willpower gave way and I began using it almost every day, sometimes more than once. This turned into a 3 1/2 month long binge where my dosages increased from 10 grams, gradually up to a minimum of 15, and to get really 'kratomified' I would require a dose of 18 to 20 grams. This was using standard-strength Mitragyna speciosa leaves, rather than this alleged super-kratom. Anyway, I didn't feel that it was detrimental to my health at all, and I was quite happy nearly all the time. However, it was starting to really get me into some serious credit card debt, at $130 a pound with shipping, so I decided to quit.
That's when the troubles began.
After the first 20 hours of having no kratom, I began to seriously crave it, but I figured, hey, this stuff doesn't seem physically addictive, and I've beaten my caffeine addictions (at least temporarily) on numerous occasions, so I'll just ignore the cravings, keep on smoking my sacred herbs, and move on with my life.
Then I reached the 24th hour, and all hell broke loose.
I was a mess. What began as a psychological craving quickly became physical. By the second night, I was so restless that I couldn't sleep more than a few winks the whole night. It was as if my body was filled with a restless electrical energy, that made me just HAVE to move my arms and legs. I'd get frustrated and flail about violently, to try to make the feeling go away, but it just got worse. By the next morning, I had disregarded my troubled financial situation and spent 130 more dollars for another pound. I figured I'd only have one more night to spend in misery until my blessed package arrived. It's kind of funny... I've come to associate the USPS truck with kratom, and even now, every time I see one, I get a little rush in my gut, like the feeling of the initial rush of kratom. Anyway, after another miserable night of little sleep, even with the help of excessive amounts of valerian root, I eagerly awoke, thinking my package would come by noon.
I was wrong. To make what could be a long story short, the normally fast company I order from had slipped up a little, and my package didn't arrive until the fifth day. During this time, I almost completely broke down. Up till then, the only thing I'd been physically addicted to was caffeine, and I had always considered that an easy one to break away from. What's a little headache compared to this psychological torture? I just can't stress enough how uncomfortable I felt in my own skin, like my skeleton was going to crawl out of my body every waking moment of my life. I'd wake up after barely sleeping complete sore from my twisted muscles. I had more knots in my back than I've ever had before. And something inside me changed then, I fear forever. The iron control I've always felt that I've had over my emotions slipped, faltered, and was gone. I felt like I couldn't control the feeling of utter desolation and depression that would overcome me. From days one to four of my forced de-tox, I spent most of my time curled up in a ball, grinding my teeth and sweating and trying to ward off the illogical feeling of depression and anxiety that were consuming me. Ironically, on the fifth day, I woke up feeling mostly fine, as if the addiction had left my body (physically, anyway). Then the package arrived.
After living through this hell of a detox, I was afraid to even start again, but here was this pound of kratom, beckoning. So of course I brewed some up, and drank it. Ah, bliss! And now it only took me 12 grams to get the same effect that 18 used to give me! I went through the pound quickly, in about two weeks, and to my surprise, I was able to remember the horrors of my previous detox and I successfully quit before I was that hooked again. This time detox was very mild and quite bearable.
I stayed away from kratom for over a month, until the middle of summer. I had a rather high-paying job, and things were going well, and I remembered all the fun times I had with this herb. 'What the hell,' I said, 'I'll order another pound.' So I did. This time, for reasons I will probably never know, the company sent two separate, indentical orders for the price of one, and I ended up with two pounds. So I introducted some friends to it, and my cousin, and we had a fantastic summer. About a week ago, it ran out again, and I told myself that I'd stop using it for a long time, or forever, as right now I've just moved far away from everything I know with my girlfriend, and I'm looking for my first career job after graduating college. Because of this, I was dismayed to find that the physical addiction had returned with a vengeance. The very first night, after having had my last dose that morning around noon, I was already having problems with severe restlessness and dysphoria. The next morning, I ordered another pound, and paid for overnight express delivery. Another night went by where I could hardly sleep, and I woke up feeling sore and lost. Fortunately (or not), the package arrived right on time, and now I once again have my beloved kratom.
I know that I have to stop eventually, but it's just so hard. My self-control has slipped through my hands, and I find that my daily dose of kratom is all that is keeping me sane. I want to stress that kratom is absolutely, undeniably real. It is a very real drug with very real addiction potential, and I've had to learn that the hard way. I'd also like to stress that kratom does not in any way feel, to me at least, like it's doing my body any harm. In fact, it has some real medicinal uses. For the last segment of this report, I'd like to summarize my findings with kratom with a list of pros and cons:
-It seems to really motivate the digestive system and cleanse out my body, unlike real opiates. I believe this is due to the initial stimulant rush; whenever I drink it, it makes me have to crap almost instantly. Whenever I have bloating or gas in my stomach, kratom will make me fart horrendously until it is all cleared up, fixing the problem entirely. In comparison to caffeine, it is MUCH, MUCH more effective in treating these ailments.
-It seems to be much, much safer, and less addicting than opiates.
-It makes me feel motivated, and if I get up and move during the first hour of stimulant effect, it allows me to push myself much harder than I usually can physically.
-It synergizes excellently with marijuana.
-It gives me a great mood lift and significant euphoria.
-It costs much less than other drugs of its caliber. I compare the effects of kratom to those of oxycodone, with a little less euphoria and drowsiness, and of course oxycodone costs FAR more. Oxycodone is the only real opiate I like better than kratom, and I've even tried (snorting) heroin before.
-It has excellent potential for treating more severe opiate addiction.
-It keeps your mind clear. During my whole experience with kratom, I still managed to graduate college with a 3.8 GPA in four years, with two majors. I doubt I could have done that addicted to real opiates.
-It tastes terrible, nauseating really, and the more times you drink it, the greater an aversion to it your taste buds form.
-It takes 45-50 minutes to make properly.
-It is ADDICTIVE! The addiction is sneaky and subversive. It creeps up me little by little, and I never notice until I try to quit or find that my supply has run out.
In conclusion, I wanted to write this lengthly report to help others avoid my mistakes. Kratom is truly a great drug when used responsibly. However, as much as I love it, at this point in my life I wish I'd have never tried it in the first place. That since, final point in my cons list outweighs all the pros in my mind, by far.
Maybe then I'd have a few thousand more dollars and not have this roller-coaster in my brain to deal with every day.
I'm thinking about trying ayahuasca therapy.
-Lightwarden, the fallen
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