H.B. Woodrose Seeds & Syrian Rue
Citation: Ancient Savage. "Worst Trip Ever: An Experience with H.B. Woodrose Seeds & Syrian Rue (exp44883)". Erowid.org. May 15, 2008. erowid.org/exp/44883
This was by far the worst experience ever. There are a few conditions I probably shouldnt be tripping under (like living at my dads girlfriends house with him and her, after having a life threatening drug problem when living with him once before; and using drugs while on the medications I'm on) but I have been doing so anyways. For this, I have been punished.
SO I thought I knew everything about tripping, and i went ahead and used something (harmala) that I didnt know everything about, how stupidly arrogant. For this I was very severely punishished.
I took 25 HBWS at 9:00, and then at a little after 11:00 when they were starting to kick in, I took 6 grams of syrian rue. They must have had some sort of reaction with each other and probably the medications that I'm on (Wellbutren and Lamictal) because one single bad thing happened to me and then it sent my brain into this loop of bad thoughts, really really bad thoughts, and not just the kind where your like oh I'm a little sad because something bad happened, the kind where the walls are caving in, and your suffocating and the whole world is crashing down on you.
In this loop my thoughts exposed only the bad things in everything that crossed my mind, and these bad things exploded in my mind--explosions so big that they had physical symptoms i could see, hear and feel, and it went with almost every thought. I took some Trazadone, which is an antidepressant with a powerful sedative agent, cause i thought it would put me to sleep. well i was wrong, it ended up going right in with the explosions and making them ten times worse, only adding new symptoms such as dizziness and simple/boring yet weird/intrusive visual hallucinations of bright light.
I laid down on my bed to try to go to sleep but couldnt, and I ended up throwing up all over myself and my bed, the explosions made me so fucked up that i could not even walk or move right, so i just laid in my horrible smelling puke, luckily my door was shut and there was a sign on it saying 'do not disturb, meditation in process', so even if someone got up to use the bathroom they would not look in and see me, or smell the awful smell. so i laid in my puke all night, got a little sleep (which was a miracle) probably only cause my mind got so freaked out that it just shut itself down.
I could not be in the dark because of the terrifying hallucinations so i slept with the light on like a little baby. after 3 hours of sleep i woke up at 6 in the morning, and the trip had lightened up a little from the overwhealming intensity, but i was still in that mental loop, still not functioning right, and now the puke smell was very very overpowering, and my dads girlfriend was awake and getting ready for work, so I had to sit by my window and wait for her to leave. Meanwhile trying to think of good things was futile because like i said my mind could only think of the bad things, an undending chain of exploding badness in everything. I also smashed my head on the ground just trying to move, because of how disoreinted i was.
Well I didnt suffer any horrible physical injury, though i should have because of a few occurrances i did not mention. I had many strange and dangerous urges i did not succumb to, that would have been devistating if i had, and for these things i am lucky, very lucky. It has now been almost 40 hours and I am just returning to normal. I have many times been (mentally) into the depths of hell (hell enough to go to the psychiatric ward a few times for a couple weeks) but this trip made any mental hell i have ever been in look like winning a billion dollars and having sex with all kinds of beautiful women. This is not anything anyone, no matter how hard they like tripping, or even scary trips like the ones on DMT (which i also enjoy) would ever want.
My Administrative advisor on the use of Entheogens (I will modestly admit that I am a Guru with an official council) tells me that I suffered a 'Psychotic Break' due perhaps to the medications I am on and the effects of the MAOI--which he says multiplies the effects of any drug, and prevents the brain from oxidizing/metabolizing chemicals (who the fuck would want that anyway, with all the shit that could possibly go horribly wrong by it?) So I am telling all of you reading this, Never ever combine all of the things (and doses) i took to generate this experience (HBWS, Syrian Rue, Wellbutren, Lamictal, Trazadone), and always know your substances--ALWAYS. Being a guru I have taken hallucinogens like it was my job (a fraction of it kind of is), and I have up until this arrogant moment, avoided any and all bad trips, or trips too bad to handle, even though i have had scary ones. Well now because of the iceburg i crashed into, I have to take a break from entheogens, like the titanic took a break from sailing. Be careful trippers.
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