Citation: Lauren. "Everything Has Its Place: An Experience with MDMA (exp44167)". Erowid.org. May 31, 2006. erowid.org/exp/44167
I was sitting at the table in Mís screen house with X and M when all of a sudden my jaw just clenched together, my heart jumped a bit but I knew what was happening. I had popped a single, greenish, white-ish pill stamped with the playboy bunny symbol just 30-40 minutes before. The whole day I was quiet, anxiously waiting for the time to come. I spent most of the day thinking about what the night was going to be like. I was going to be rolling on X with M, who is my best friend, and someone that I trust my whole life with. I donít think I would ever do X again with someone I wasnít that close with. Even after everything that I had read, all the questions I asked M, all the answers M gave me, nervousness still sat in my stomach, but something made me take that pill.
I took it down with 6 M&MsÖ 2 red, 2 yellow, 1 blue, and 1 brown. I chewed them up, stuck the pill in my mouth, looked at M, closed my eyes and swallowed. I swallowed mine just right at 11:30pm on Wednesday(6/22/05) night. We had done everything that was suggested we do so that we have the best roll possible. Around 9pm, we each took one Vitamin C pill and ate a good sized and some-what healthy meal, and also drank a lot of water. X, who is a very good friend of both of us ended up stopping by around 11:45pm.
The three of us sat at the table just chatting about school and other pointless topics. X was not rolling, and had a lot of questions about what we had just done, but she wasnít lecturing us. She ended up chilling and just smoking some bud for awhile as we sat there and talked. I was quiet for about 35 minutes, playing with the tube that the glow sticks I bought had come in, pretending to be doing lines of coke off the glass table. My jaw quickly clenched, I grabbed it because it scared me and went right into the kitchen to get some gum to stop me from grinding my teeth together or jamming down my jaw constantly.
X and M immediately looked up and asked if I was okay. All I could do was smile and say yes. I felt 100% perfectly fine. I sat there realizing I had just felt my first side effect of taking ecstasy.
M got up to walk, and I just had to join in. I felt as if his legs were talking to mine and told me to get up and move. For some reason 3 cars parked in front of Mís house, so the 3 of us got up to see who was over, but it was no one. I went back into the house to try and pee and found myself walking back and forth staring at the vertical lines of wallpaper and felt like the walls were pulling me, not that I was actually doing the physical act of walking. Next thing I knew I was down on all fours, when the lights shined on the right parts of the floor it looked so amazing, sort of like the ocean, and it just seemed right to be on my hands and knees walking. I went back out side to the screen house and I just couldnít stop the smile that was on my face. I walked outside to the grass, and found a spot and just walked around with my arms out. I felt so perfect and so content with the world, like everything was where it was supposed to be and I was doing exactly what felt right to do.
M came out because I was in the middle of his backyard in the only lit area, and I looked crazy. He pulled me over to the trampoline, which I think may have been one of my favorite parts. I hopped up, and it felt like I was floating. Each step I took felt like there was nothing underneath me, but never did I feel like I was falling. M got on the trampoline, and when I looked at him all I felt was this unbelievable love for him, but not love like want to marry him love but honest love, I felt like he was my other half but not in a lovey-dovey way or something weird like that. We went back to X, and all I wanted to do when I saw her was hug her and I had to tell her how amazing she was.
Everything was controlled though. Never did I feel as if I couldnít control what was coming out of my mouth. I could have talked a lot more, but I just said what I wanted, what I totally felt at that moment. I kind of wish all of my friends could have been there so I could just hug them all. I saw my cell phone and just read through the names and wanted to call C and just tell her how much I truly did love her and although everything we went through I still loved her as my best friend. Same with R. I sort of wish they could have felt what I felt, and I know for a fact that if the 3 of us did X together we would be best friends again because its just simply amazing like that.
I didnít call anyone, just to not cause drama later down in the road of life. The three of us had just been talking, and X took out some lotion. My hands felt a little dry so I asked for some. The feeling of lotion on my hands was amazing. The way it felt in-between my fingers was so soft and smooth. M then asked for some and we just sat there for a few minutes playing with the lotion in our hands. M had ran upstairs to get some Vicks Vapor Rub, so that we could smell it. We didnít do it the medical mask way, we just opened up the can and smelled it. The smell of the Vapor Rub was really refreshing and it sent a good feeling buzz to my head every time I took a whiff of it. We used it on and off through out the night. Around 1:45am X had to go so we walked her to her car where I gave her one more hug, and off she went.
M and I returned to the trampoline where we laid and looked at the sky. I once again crawled, because for some strange reason crawling was fun and just felt normal. I crawled around the base of the trampoline, and when Mís body was in the way I said excuse me but then just climbed on over him. I laid down next to him, and looked up. Each star was glistening and I felt as if it they were so close and if I wanted to I could have been up there with the stars. The clouds were perfect, and the colors illuminated out from behind them. I looked up and there was a specific star that just begged for my attention, and I reached up to cover it up, but when I looked at my finger, I could see through it and see the star. But just that specific star. The rest of the stars that were below that specific star were covered and I couldnít see them.
I felt as if I was the most free, and amazing person, perfectly fitting into the universe. But I didnít feel like amazing in the sense that I was better than anyone else, I just felt so good like at that moment in time nothing could stop me. I also had a sudden urge to climb a huge tree in Mís backyard, just because I felt like I would have been able to. We laid there for what felt like 10 minutes, but must have been at least an hour. Time went faster than imaginable, yet it was the most intense 4 or 5 hours of my life. Every second that past was memorable. My whole body had an amazing tingle sensation, and all I wanted to do was touch M and have him touch me. I felt like every touch was like a mini-orgasm, yet the final climax was never reachable. M and I were laying on the trampoline when he started to suck my toes, but was pretty grossed out because I had walked on the muddy grass, so I told him to wait there and id go wash my feet quickly. I went into the bathroom, and pulled up one foot into the sink. The feeling of the bubbles forming on my feet was a pretty amazing feeling as well. And then using the cold water to rinse them off once again was really refreshing feeling and sent tingles down my back.
I washed my other foot and just enjoyed the feeling for a few minutes then I went back outside where he continued to suck on my toes shortly but then we stopped to go inside.
We headed back in to the basement to listen to techno music and dance, and also play with the glow sticks. We started to dance together and the next thing I remember after that is laying on top of M, grinding our hips into one another while we either kissed or he sucked on my neck or toes. Touching was such an intense feeling. Tongue had never felt better against bare skin. The mixture between the dry skin and the moisture of his mouth to just the actual feeling of his tongue against me gave me goose bumps nonstop.
After fooling around for awhile and realizing neither of us would be able to have an orgasm, we stopped and headed back upstairs so M could smoke. The feelings I felt though were not that of necessarily being horny, I just wanted to be touched and I wanted to touch him because everything felt just so good. I also just wanted to be closer to him and obviously there is no other way to get closer to somebody than to have sex, even though we didnít actually have sex. Going outside was such a shock against my body because it was hot and then just an invigorating coolness sweeping over my body. We went back outside and walked to the front of the house where M showed me the well where his water comes from - which oddly amused me and left me feeling awe-struck. We continued to just walk around and sit in the screen house and talk about how amazing life was.
I soon started to feel a little sick to my stomach, and started getting a headache. We went into the family room, where we continued to touch each other while on the couch. M had me lay down with my eyes closed and put 2 Twizzler Sourzs into my mouth, which made my tongue tingle and the sweetness/sourness of them was an amazing feeling. We laid in the family room for awhile, then M wanted to go smoke some bud to keep from having a bad crash like I was experiencing. I again crawled from the couch to the back door, but this time because I didnít feel like my body could have been held up from just my two feet. We went outside, and all I could take was one hit. Across the street from Mís house, a schizophrenic lives with her parents.
M has noticed in the past that every night at the same time the family leaves and returns. Never has he actually been outside however to actually see or hear what goes on. A person, who appeared to be the father was in the garage. He kept turning the light on and off, and would go into the car and just sit there for a few minutes then come back out. Soon enough the car pulled out of the garage and they left. I didnít have my glasses on so I could not see far, however things just got weirder. Around 4:30am the car returned. They left the garage door open, and we were both sitting there in silence when all of a sudden we heard a female scream, ďIím ready to come in now!!Ē We both looked at each other and got pretty freaked out. Then, once the sun was coming up around 4:45am the dad went outside and started working on the lawn. We laughed about it a bit but didnít do anything. However, I had a very sudden urge to go over and talk to the schizophrenic girl because I felt as if I wanted to get inside her head and talk to her because I knew I would have been able to hold a conversation with her.
We cleaned up then headed upstairs to go to bed around 5am. We laid in his bed and hit the bong again.
My head was still bothering me, but I was still feeling good effects of the ecstasy. The whole night I had felt really hot and when we were in the basement the first time I took off my shirt to just wear my tank top. When we got back up to Mís bedroom again I started to feel the heat again. Also, everything that touched me(pillows, blankets and M) felt very warm to the touch. However, when I laid against M he said that I was freezing and I felt very cold to him. M and I again started to fool around, and miraculously my headache seemed like it disappeared. The feeling of being on ecstasy and being that close was amazing. It was some of the most intense feelings I have ever experienced in my life.
We didnít stop until after 7 in the morning. M was continuously unsuccessful in getting off, yet everything still felt amazing. It felt as if having an orgasm was physically impossible. My headache came back, yet I couldnít sleep. I finally fell asleep for about an hour, but I felt like I had slept for days and could be awake for the rest of the day. M wasnít ready to wake up so I continued to do hour sleep intakes for about 3 hours until around noon when I woke up and M woke up too. Every time we woke up, we didnít feel groggy, it was an immediate wake up. Also, it didnít feel as if we had slept at all, yet I felt very well rested. We then once again fooled around after laying in bed and talking, because the tingling orgasmic sensations were still there. I was not able to get off, but M was finally able to cum. It was pretty frustrating, but I let the frustration pass after awhile. We stopped around 2pm, and headed downstairs. We ate some munchies , and for me it was the first time I had ate since eating at 9pm the night before.
The whole time I was rolling on the X I had no appetite and didnít feel the need to eat or drink anything. I continued to drink water though so not to be dehydrated. M constantly peed throughout the night but I only felt the need to pee once the whole night.
I didnít feel horrible, yet I felt very different. It was a mixture of good and bad. Everything in the world around me was still crystal clear and super sharp looking. We relaxed most of the day, just laying on the couch watching TV and eating. We smoked some more weed to bring back the rolling feeling. We danced to a little techno music downstairs, and watched a TV documentary on ecstasy, which was pretty interesting.
Around 6:30 I realized I needed to head home. Driving was not difficult, however I felt as if I wanted to consistently look at everything around me and take the world around me in. I wanted to converse with the people in the cars surrounding me. If I looked down a straight road I felt like I could see on forever and see trees that were miles and miles away that I normally wouldnít be able to see.
Iíve felt a few pretty harsh feelings these past few days after coming down from my roll. I feel even closer to M than I was before, and I do have a fear of being alone, which usually makes things worse when I come down off of X. He left for Wisconsin this morning (Friday) and I couldnít stop crying. I felt very very alone and like someone was taking away part of me and that I really had no reason to be there. He comforted me and then I decided to smoke a bowl to calm me down. Its been about 5 hours since I smoked and Iím feeling wonderful again. Right now I donít feel depressed yet very uplifted and sort of like Iím a brand new person. I still donít really have much of an appetite, and sometimes I get really over heated and can feel my pulse quicken. Other than that I feel fine.I feel as if Iím sort of addicted, but I know its not a reasonable idea and that its not something to fuck around with.
All together the feeling of being on ecstasy was exactly as the name of the drug. Everything was a euphoria, an intense feeling of perfection all around me and inside of me. Nothing was wrong in the world, and I felt as if I was actually a part of the world, not just another human being on the Earth. Rolling on X was the most intense and best part of my life to date. It will take something very intense to top what I felt in those 4 hours. I hope to try ecstasy once more before going to college, and hopefully sometime while in college able to roll on X at a rave.
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