Citation: Ætch. "Aspirin/Water miracle: An Experience with Cannabis & Drug Testing (exp43769)". Erowid.org. Sep 10, 2008. erowid.org/exp/43769
I passed a drug test a mere 36 hours after a long moderate binge, smoking cannabis at least once a day, if not more, that had lasted a couple of weeks.
Here's the backdrop. I had been job hunting for awhile, and while there was this one lucrative position that I knew required a drug test, everything else I applied for didn't require a test, so when I hadn't heard back from the good job for awhile I started smoking up, thinking it didn't matter. I get a call one day, and it's the company saying they want to hire me and I have to go in to take a drug test, and I would get a call to schedule it. Oh fuck.
So, first thing's first. I IMMEDIATELY run out and buy cheap detox capsules, and I also buy some aspirin. I take four aspirin (standard 325mg aspirin) upon getting home, start chugging down water (probably accomplish 1.5 liters before I got the call), and wait for the call to schedule the test, running on the assumption I was going to have to take it that day. I get the call, and they want me to go in early the next morning, good thing I didn't take those detox capsules in preparation, or I would have been up shit creek. However, I wasn't happy about having to wait out the 'blah' I felt after taking four aspirin. Nothing else of interest happens that night except I eat half of a large pizza.
Next morning I wake up at 4:00 AM and take four aspirin and start pounding down water, the aspirin and the pizza remaining in my stomach have an adverse reaction, and I throw up violently. I sit down, start slowly sipping the water this time, and this time take 3 aspirin instead of 4, just so I wouldn't over-do it had one of the aspirin managed to stay down. I drink about a liter of water, take a multivitamin, and I go back to bed and wake up at 7:30.
At 7:30, I wake up, take the detox capsules, and pound down another liter of water. I leave for the testing place at 8:20, and stop at a gas station and grab a 20 oz. bottle of Gatorade (591 mL for those of you on metric). At the gas station, I run back and pee right quick (I hadn't had a major piss that morning yet), and then proceed to the drug testing facility.
I arrive around 8:40, and naturally they are running late. Not good because I have to pee like RIGHT NOW! Finally I can't stand it anymore, and ask the lady at the front desk if I can use the restroom, whispering to her that I don't want them to wring the sample out of my pants. She let's me go, and tells me to start drinking water immediately after I get done. I start peeing, and oh my god it was a flood. MASSIVE amounts of urine come out at that point.
I go back in the reception area, and grab a can of Sprite from the soda machine, and the receptionist says 'I SAID WATER, NOT SODA.' I give her a look like she'd just made fun of my dead grandmother, and she replies 'just kidding.' Seems like people who don't give a fuck about your privacy are always so kind and joking...twat.
Anyhoo, I'm finally called back, and these people don't ask me to list any medicines I've taken or anything, the nurse just sends me into a bathroom, and tells me to pee in a cup, not to flush, and not to wash my hands, and also pours some blue shit in the toilet. I didn't worry about putting my 'mid stream' in the cup, considering that just 20 minutes before I had pissed out just about everything. I put the first bit of the stream in the cup, and then finish my duty, and missed the toilet when I quit peeing in the cup. I'm immediately told I'm free to go, they never asked me if I had taken any medicines or if I was on any perscriptions.
So it's all signed, sealed, and delivered, and 3 days later I get a call saying I passed my drug test and am to come into work the following Monday. So in summary, my experience shows that it's possible for a daily smoker to have their system clean 36 hours after smoking their last joint/bowl.
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