Citation: Loose Id. "Satan Salad: An Experience with Belladonna (exp42888)". Erowid.org. Jun 25, 2005. erowid.org/exp/42888
Before I begin, I just want to explain to the reader that the 'don't try this at home' caveat is not simply an obligatory disclaimer: What I did was a very bad idea, and though I had a sitter, though I had taken all precautions neccessary, it was stupid regardless. Just because you can survive a punch in the face doesn't mean it's fun.
I started last week on Saturday. I had found the leaves in the woods behind my mema's house when I was looking for shrooms (I have found fly agaric there before). My mema confronted me when she saw me carrying them back to the car because she knew exactly what they were. I came up with a really shitty excuse that I was going to feed them to my neighbor's rabbit, which only made things worse because she knew what it would do. I threw them over the fence, then went back to get them before I left.
I hadn't eaten that day, which I thought was a good idea, and I decided to dry the leaves with a hair dryer which was a dumb idea... they just blew on the floor (If you haven't figured out yet, I'm not the brightest bulb in the shed). So I put them in the oven for a little while with the door open. I called my friend Deuce over. I will call him D from now on. When I told him what was going on he told me he wasn't going to do it because he was the one who had to take care of me during a really bad salvia experience. Regardless, he did it. Probably because he knew I was going to do it whether I had a sitter or not, and I need supervision at all times, sober or not.
I ground them up with a coffee grinder which I then threw away because my mom uses that grinder, and I don't want her to trip out. She's uptight.
Oh man, the stuff tastes like ass washed in ass. I was making gagging faces and the whole time D was rolling his eyes. I got it down in about ten minutes, so we went in the living room to watch Gummo (our favorite flick). He started smoking a cigarette and I put in a wad of chaw to bide our time. About an hour into the movie I started having trouble following what's going on. Gummo is a tough movie to follow anyway, but I started forgetting that I was watching a movie. It was like I was constantly waking up and trying to figure out what happened while I was asleep, only to wake up again. D said I started clearing my throat a lot for some reason. I kept asking him if he'd change the channel, and then he'd tell me we were watching a movie only to hear me ask the question again. This was the point that everything became 'darker'. There was a low hum behind me and every time I'd turn around to see what it was, it'd stop. D started laughing and he told me that I was tripping, but I had trouble accepting this. I didn't really remember taking anything, and I felt like my mind was still working okay... it was just that everything around me was getting twisted.
At this point I lost track of time. I asked D what I should do because I was still tripping, cause I thought I had to go to work in a few minutes. He reassured me that it was still Saturday, then he asked me how long the trip lasts... I told him the internet said three days and then I realized how fucked I was. I had work on Monday. He told me to call in sick, but at this point I forgot what he was talking about. He said I got up and walked to the bathroom, turned on the shower and started throwing the towels into the shower. I remember seeing myself going into the kitchen and sending a telegraph, but then as it (the telegraph) started making grinding noises, it suddenly disappeared.
D, being the film freak he is, ran into my room to get the camera. Unfortunately, for the next couple hours I didn't really do anything exciting. Instead I curled into a ball and rocked back and forth like a mental patient. I did have a classic quote though: 'Under tapestry ho-wai,' followed by a bunch of Mandarin (I'm bilingual). I remember right about here hearing this 'tup tup tup' noise from my chest. As I started concentrating on it, an image of yellow worms eating at my heart flashed across my face and suddenly my chest hurt. A lot. I sorta 'wake up' to D calming me (I had started crying) and telling me that I was fine. I reached into my pocket to get some chaw then I was back into crazy world. I didn't know at the time, but D had taken my chaw away from me because I kept taking out some tobacco then putting it in my pocket. It was funny at the time, but he got worried I might start eating it.
I was suddenly on my aunt's tree swing telling this girl A (my first GF) that I didn't want to sing at her funeral. She begged me saying that I had played the guitar beautifully and besides 'Jan hates me.' Unless you're me, this doesn't make sense... but I think this was a very important vision for me. It make A LOT of sense. I started crying at this time, but it felt like my tears were burning my face. D said he started wondering if he should call a doctor because I was really flushed. It was also at this point he called into work sick for me (the first day i've missed in two years).
I remember asking for A to come back, then I started wandering down a hallway (mind you, I was sitting next to my futon for most of this... approximately 6-7 hours doing nothing but coughing, clearing my throat, and talking nonsense) looking for a doctor. This is where things get weird. I have a pet Burmese Python named Mildred and she started banging her head against the top of her cage like she was trying to get out. This is really weird for her because she's very docile, you could poke her in the eye and she wouldn't even hiss at you. I somewhat remember this, or maybe I think I do cause its on video. D started to get really tired, but he wasn't going to doze off 'cause I guess I was still acting freaked out. I think this may have been the point where I thought I was in a wheelbarrow full of rats thinking it was my throne. Looking back, I realize this may have been a reference to my favorite song Climbing Up the Walls by Radiohead. Who knows?
The one thing I remember from this part of the trip was that I thought I was in a dream, but even when I took control of it (I'm a lucid dreamer too), it would only get weirder and worse. One part of the 'dream' was talking to my old baseball coach (who died in a snowmobile accident when I was 13) asking him how I get out of here. He started walking towards me and suddenly I got scared and even though I was saying 'this is just a dream' I couldn't get him to stop coming at me, and I couldn't move my legs. I started to scream, and then he looked like he was walking away. D said I never screamed during the first night.
The second day wasn't any better. I was really thirsty, but when D would get me water I would drink a little and get sick. He was also trying to get food in me but I couldn't swallow. Just having food in my mouth made me feel dirty. I didn't feel nautious, I just felt weird eating. When I did swallow, and when I did, I felt like it was hurting my stomach. It was also at this point I felt like I couldn't breath. This may have been true because D said I was sweating really bad and he said my pupils were really huge (a digital picture confirms this). I just remember praying to a god I didn't believe in that it would end. I said I would quit drinking, tobacco, and pot (some promise... I'm stoned now), I wanted out of this trip. I'd had bad trips before, but this one kept coming back in waves, worse than ever.
The hallucinations started to get stronger too: I could now smell things that weren't there, and I could feel them too. I remember seeing a hound (not a dog, some sort of freaky hound) coming out from under my desk and brushing up against my leg. I could feel it, then suddenly it wasn't there. This was also when something started tugging at me. It felt like some force was pulling me backwards, and if I turned around it would still pull me from behind. Mind you, I wasn't really moving all that much, but I thought I was.
D wasn't feeling too hot because he stayed up drinking coffee to watch over me (gratitude doesn't begin to describe what I owe him), and he tried to get me to go for a walk with him. Every time he tried to pull me to my feet he said I would stumble and 'fall' to the floor (I would sit down really hard). I also started pushing on the floor too, and he said my jaw was locked really tight.
This is the part of the trip that memory sorta fails me. I remember bits and pieces, like hearing sirens and pounding on the walls, and I remember watching my computer monitor fall over and burst into blue flames.
I started to get hungry, but every time D brought me something it would make me sick to see the sight of it. I found a silver dollar on my desk, and for some reason it made me laugh. I started playing with it, then all of a sudden it got heavy, so I tried to throw it back on my desk. It ended up landing like three feet away from me. My body wasn't listening to me very well.
This is, embarrasingly, where I pissed myself too. D was worried he said, not because he had to clean up a mess, but because he said I hadn't really drank much at all and I was 'pissing like a race horse'. I do remember him coming back to me with a bunch of paper towels, new shorts, and a big glass of water, but I also remember getting very scared. I asked him if he was writing this down, and he looked at me really confused, which scared me more. This is where I tried to climb on my bed to get away from him. He was worried that I would get piss on my bed, so he grabbed me. Big mistake. I started freaking out swinging my arms furiously. I remember doing this, and though it seems crazy now, and the time I thought I was truly in danger. I also remember that I thought it was still day even though it was about 2 Monday morning. D had somewhere around here, called his girlfriend to keep an eye on me and he went slept on the couch. I remember 'waking up' to find her cradling me telling me that 'they're gone, don't worry, you're fine.'
I don't know what she was talking about. I can only assume I was talking gibberish again. I didn't really feel comfortable with her holding me like that, even though she's a good friend (maybe because I don't remember her coming in) so I started pushing her away. She laughed. I knew I was coming back ('coming back', not coming 'down') at this point because I started to feel really tired and hungry. The hallucinations were minor at this point, I may have simply been dozing off, I can't be sure.
Tuesday was a disaster. I couldn't keep focused on anything at work, and I kept worrying that people would think I was stoned or hungover because I was stuttering my speech a little, and everyone was asking if I was feeling okay. Luckily, they thought I was still 'sick'. I got absolutely nothing done. When I got home that night, I ate a huge dinner and passed out immediately. Wednesday was a little better. My brain seemed to be working okay, but it was at this point that I started to remember everything I saw when I was tripping so I was still sort of distracted. It's now a week and a day later, and I still don't feel totally right. I don't think I'm ever going to do this again, and I wouldn't recommend it. I did gain a bit of insight from the experience, but I would have rather just taken shrooms or acid or something a little more managable. It really sucked being stuck in a bad trip for three days. Definitely a thumbs down.
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