Citation: Tom. "Time to Fulfill My Mission: An Experience with Cannabis (exp42842)". Erowid.org. Aug 28, 2008. erowid.org/exp/42842
Firstly I must say that I have had this trip about four or five times before but I have never written about it. I think I didnít want to write about it before because I was scared of accepting that I have experienced something like this. I am writing this account the morning after. I am 17 and I do not smoke weed regularly but I have smoked quite a bit over the last year and a half.
It was a Friday evening and my way back from college my friend James asked me if I'd like to go back to a mate's house and have a bit to smoke. I had smoked a spliff of really strong stuff about 2 nights ago with another friend and we got so stoned that we felt that we should go on because we had to go and see a play for our theatre studies exam at college, so we ended up leaving half of the spliff which I then took with me on Friday to smoke.
We got to the house at about 8 o clock and there were four of us, there was one girl (this holds significance later). James and his friend were already stoned so I decided to skin up a joint out of the half spliff I had and the stuff James had. We went outside to smoke it because Jamesís friend said we couldnít smoke in his parentís house. James and Kate didnít want any so I just shared the joint with his friend who was already pretty stoned so didnít have much. Almost finished it and I could tell that it was strong and I was far-gone already. I felt a bit nervous as I usually do at first and just laughed it off insanely for quite a while. It started to rain and so we decided to go inside and watch TV
This is the point when everything changed! I was sitting there on the sofa when something that can only be described as a sudden realisation dawned on me. I wasnít just some teenage boy, I was a being, I was a soul. I suddenly realised to the fullest extent that I thought impossible that I exist as a soul in space an time. Then the thought came that I felt that I could tap into any time of my life and feel the way I felt as a person at that time. My thoughts then went in the direction of being a baby. Now this was the weirdest and scariest sensation that I think Iíve ever had. It was as if my perception of the world had suddenly shifted to how it was 17 years ago and the scary thing was that I remember feeling like exactly like that! I had been reminded of this sensation and reminded of my existence. It now became clear to me why babies acted the way babies act and how they see the world around them.
With all these thoughts speeding around my brain I was also thinking back to the time when I had tripped out like this but in different ways before and it was really really bad news that it was happening again. Also the fact that I usually smoke with a different circle of friends that knew that I can sometimes react like this and the people I were with now had no idea. As my trip worsened and the harsh reality of my existence dawned on me even more so by every passing moment that it was becoming overwhelming to me I decided to tell James to come with me. I walked out the room speedily I just knew I had to calm down and go somewhere quiet. I went to sit upstairs in his friend's room. I sat on his bed. Everywhere I looked and everything I looked at reminded me of life and that I was in it, maybe even trapped in this mundane reality and there was nothing else except life.
The other two friends soon decided to come upstairs to investigate what was wrong with me. It was now that something that has never happened before happened. I was sitting there on the bed and I noticed a noise that kind of sounded like a jet flying through the air. The noise started of reasonably high pitched then it became louder and louder and got lower pitched too. I think I felt a falling sensation with in me as this noise sounded. This really freaked me out because I was obviously hallucinating sounds now. After this really strange sound I thought about life again deeper than ever the same dawning reality feeling happened and I began to realise that there was some meaning to all of this and to life.
Now I have thought about the meaning to life before when I was stoned and there was this one time that I had come to the idea that the male species meaning to life was the female species and vice versa and how much one or the other attracts each other on both an physical and personality level defines how much points in meaning that person holds to your meaning of life. It was this night that I thought about the meaning to life more intensely than ever before. What seemed to be a universal, Time, space whatever, type of truth came to me. My soul had one purpose and it was to follow and to try to be with one very particular soul. And this was my point to life fulfil this mission and I had been on this journey not since the beginning of my life 17 years ago but the beginning of time or my existence. It had become completely clear to me that the girl that had just entered the room (Jamesís, Friendís girlfriend) was that soul.
Now I didnít even find her very attractive and I never really speak to her at college. But I became aware of the very obvious fact that I loved her and that she was the one that was my point and that my life as a human was a short gasp of air, a quick chance for me to fulfil my mission. I was also extremely scared of this concept. And I convinced myself that maybe it was just natural to be scared at first. This thought was also frightening because if it was true what should I do??
The night went on and I got James to phone my dad to come and pick me up, I really didnít feel I could find my way home and with this realisation of life I felt very paranoid of death. I didnít want this gasp of life to end. I couldnít really remember where I was I was not in touch with reality at all for the rest of that night and nothing looked familiar any more. I just didnít want to think too much about how alien everything seemed, in fact I didnít want to think too much about anything anymore.
I have explained everything to the best I can, but I also realise that communication/language can only do so much to make others understand and so I will leave it at thatÖ
One more thing I do believe I was right about we have this gasp of life. DO SOMETHING WITH IT!
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