Erowid Canvas Tote/Shopping Bag
This reusable "Ecobag" is made of 100% recycled mid-weight
(10 oz) cotton canvas, printed with the Erowid logo.
Donate now and receive yours!
I Can't Stop Dancing With Mr. Brownstone
Heroin
Citation:   Anonymous. "I Can't Stop Dancing With Mr. Brownstone: An Experience with Heroin (exp42143)". Erowid.org. Jun 26, 2007. erowid.org/exp/42143

 
DOSE:
30 mg IV Heroin (daily)
BODY WEIGHT: 170 lb
My experience with opiates started at an early age of 14. In short i was perscribed loritab from oral surgery. Thats when it all started. I am 24 now. Pain pills... a secret high as I first thought. I never heard of a pill addiction so I figured harmless happy fun. One 10/325 hydro got me in a blissed state of euphoria a day and half. Very quickly I noticed that more and more had to be taken to achieved desired results. At the age of 16 it was not uncommon for me to chow through 100mg of oxycontin or hydrocone a day. It was my breakfast to start my day off happily. I worked everyday and went to college fulltime. I hid my fun habbit for years. At the age of 17 my pill dealer was out and I needed my fix. He was a heroin junkie and offered a bag of H instead. I had never done it before and was scared to try it. His girlfriend eagerly pulled out a bag of fresh needles. She told me she would just let me try it once and that was it becuase 'it's sooo addictive' I had my days with cocaine, crack, speed ect. I thought that was as addicting as they come. Wrong!.

So she proceeded to give me a dose half a bag the first time. She drew up 20cc of brown harmful looking fluid. I was scared of needles and she said she would hit me up. I turned my head and clenched the table for fear of needle pain. All I felt was a slight prick and then what came next was the best thing I had ever felt. I got all warm, relaxed and energetic just as I did with pain pills. I thought wow I found my new high no more taking extreme amounts of pills. 'All I need is just a little bit of this stuff', so I thought. Overnight my pill habbit turned into strictly heroin habbit. In the morning before work.... dope lunch more dope dinner time even more dope. I was in self destructive mode. Early on I was spending atleast 100 bucks a day. to just feel normal mind you. I was 20 years old when I decided I can't party for ever. I'll just go cold turkey.... I was wrong. The sickness, the physcological dependence I developed was a ticket to hell. It was too late I'm completly at this drugs mercy. I could not function without it. I lost my job. I lost my friends even the sober 'good example friends'... gone. My life was gone. I was very familar with methadone but the connection was not reliable.

I knew I needed profesional help. I gave in and confessed to my family. All I got was disbelief and no help. I'm fucked I figured. I gave up on help and worked souly to support my habbit. My habbit was already bigger than my paychecks. I stole, lied and cheated my way into my fix. I thought of any way I could to get 20 dollars. I lived 20 dollars at a time for 3 years. I had recently put my name on a methadone list for help. I thought the program was a miracle. I was wrong. There is of course a waiting list. What the fuck kinda shit is that I am still wondering. My case is up to the board to decide if I qualify. Almost ten years of opiate abuse I can't wait til the day the methadone program starts. I call them, I beg them to please help me... today but I get everything but help. To this day I am mentaly and physcialy addicted. I don't at all look like a drug user and the clinics just blow me off when I ask for help. This sucks becuase I think every minute of the day about keeping from getting sick. I went cold turkey for six painful months. I figured if I stayed with it the cravings and withdrawl symptoms would eventualy go away.

I was plagued with drug dreams on a nightly basis waking up in cold sweats and withdrawl symptoms persisted even months later of being completly clean. I knew then I was fucked for life. I think all the time if I just never went down that road my life would be great. But the addiction crept up on me and now it's a matter of life and death. I used to love life. Now I believe if I don't get the methadone to supress the appitite I am gonna live the rest of my life 20 dollars (about .03gr) at a time. That is a depressing thought to have racing in my head 24/7. I would rather take my own life than suffer withdrawls the rest of my life. Now its a matter of time. If I can't get the methadone maitence help or I get denied. I will have to take my life into my own hands. I feel I will be left with no other chioce. I think Heroin is serious and should not ever be expeirmented with. If I could change my past I would have never done opiates. Maryjane is the only ok drug in my book. But my heroin habbit leaves me broke, jobless and depressed. The methadone clinic has a chance to save a life. I hope they choose mine.

Did I ever want to be in this situation?.... no no one does. Even a clean young goodlooking man such as myself fell victim to the addiction... any one can if they use. Heroin has ruined my life, ambition and has left me for ever depressed and plagued with withdrawls. Be smart. I'd rather die than live another day addicted.

Exp Year: 2005ExpID: 42143
Gender: Male 
Age at time of experience: Not Given
Published: Jun 26, 2007Views: 40,077
[ View PDF (to print) ] [ View LaTeX (for geeks) ] [ Swap Dark/Light ]
Heroin (27) : Not Applicable (38), Addiction & Habituation (10), First Times (2)

COPYRIGHTS: All reports copyright Erowid.
No AI Training use allowed without written permission.
TERMS OF USE: By accessing this page, you agree not to download, analyze, distill, reuse, digest, or feed into any AI-type system the report data without first contacting Erowid Center and receiving written permission.

Experience Reports are the writings and opinions of the authors who submit them. Some of the activities described are dangerous and/or illegal and none are recommended by Erowid Center.


Experience Vaults Index Full List of Substances Search Submit Report User Settings About Main Psychoactive Vaults