Citation: Anonymous. "I Can't Escape the Patterns: An Experience with Morning Glory (exp40303)". Erowid.org. Aug 27, 2006. erowid.org/exp/40303
A bit of background:
Starting about the spring of '04, I'd grown quite an interest in the world of psychedelic drugs and the possibilities they can open. For months I read and researched as meticulously as I possibly could on psychedelics, and decided that I wanted to begin with nutmeg and/or morning glory seeds. The main reason being that they are both easily obtainable, but also because they are both legal, and are both organic. I began with nutmeg, which I had 3 experiences with.
On the first, I shoveled a spoonful in my mouth, and spit it out immediately, by reflex. That was the end of experience one.
During experience two, I was a bit more cautious, and braced myself. I consumed 10 grams, some with water and some in yogurt. I waited for hours, and hours, and hours. Nothing at all.
For the third experience, I discovered a wonder - orange juice! For some reason, nutmeg in orange juice (especially with pulp) tasted neither sandy or putrid! I went a bit overboard, and ate 50 grams. I spent the next one and a half days throwing up and sleeping. I still have about 10 grams left some place which I intend to try once more eventually.
Morning Glory seeds. Quite conveniently, the plants were growing in my backyard garden. I waited, watered, and cared for them patiently, until they bore their fruit of pods. Once I felt the time was right, out I went, and plucked from the vines, collecting the pods in a small jar. From there, I left them up on a shelf to dry.
I work with B, a friend of mine. It was a mid-August night, and we had work the next day. Nothing major. It looked to be a laid back day. I called B, and we arranged that I would stay the night at his house, and we would leave for work together, it was then that I intended to sample the seeds. I wanted B to supervise me; it made me feel comfortable for some one else to be there. The plans fell through, however, and I was left to stay at home. I went up to my room. Thought for a minute, and figured what the hell. I took my pods from my shelf and began to count. BAD DECISION.
In retrospect, I absolutely have not decided to do this on a night before work. I was under the impression that the seeds effects would wear away before morning. Little did I know that that was when they would only begin. I counted about 75 seed pods. I usually don't sleep anyway, so I thought I would see what they had to offer over the night. I filled a large glass of water, and began to eat, sometimes handfuls at a time. I believe this was around 11:20 PM or so. by 11:30, the pods were all gone.
They tasted - like garden, simply put. It wasn't unbearable at all though. I laid, began to play some Pink Floyd, and waited. The first thing that hit me was nausea. It snuck up on me. All of a sudden there. I rolled around in bed in agony. By 12:30 I couldn't take it. I went into the bathroom and attempted to vomit. Nothing. So, I did the next best thing and went downstairs. I ate some crackers and drank some ginger ale in an effort to settle my stomach. The nausea escalated. I tried to vomit several more times without luck. I lay on my couch in despair, trying to watch television to avert my mind, and pausing briefly to email my girlfriend, just because I wanted to tell her that I loved her and I wasn't feeling well.
At around 3:30 AM, I decided to head back up to my bed. There, I watched the Olympics, and, little by little, the nausea began to subside. I also noticed something very strange, although it might be coincidence. I repeatedly had the urge to urinate around this time. Each time I did, the urine was clear, and after each time, I felt slightly less nauseous. I laid in bed and watched the Olympics, for lack of a better program, and I recall giggling uncontrollably at the name of a diver 'Guo Jingjing,' which I thought was excruciatingly funny. Time passes, and eventually the clock strikes 5. I'm feeling absolutely no more nausea, and I get up, get dressed, and prepare for work, thinking that this was yet another dud in my attempts at mind expansion. I ventured downstairs and made a cup of green tea - I was feeling slightly tired.
Afterwards I went online, and at around 6:00 AM, my girlfriend came online. Let me tell you, I had never, never, ever in my entire life been so overjoyed to see her and talk to her. I went crazy. I was bursting with joy, and love of her, and gladness to be with her. Thinking back, I believe this is when the differences started. I felt somehow changed, as if I'd never loved her this much, ever. I felt so compassionate, so incredibly compassionate. At around 7:00 AM, I called her, happy to talk, and I laid on the couch, and talked, acting a bit silly for usual, but nothing I thought out of reason. I was happy to be talking to her again. I lay on my back and looked up at the white ceiling.
As I looked up at the ceiling, I noticed to see a faint pattern, much like those you experience when you close your eyes and press on them, except this was different. It wasn't a meaningless blob, it was a design. It was some sort of star or flower shape, to be exact. The more I looked, and strangely, the less I focused my eyes, the more detailed it became. And it was shimmering with the most amazing, brilliant, strange colors I have ever seen in my entire life. The colors were electric. They flowed through the star in a rainbow-esque pattern, from the outside toward the center. soon, more shapes and colors appeared across my field of vision.
My girlfriend had to leave then, so I was left staring at these patterns on the ceiling. I closed my eyes, and the patterns became more complex. I saw now arrows, lightning bolts, and through it all, concentric lines and circles over my field of vision, shimmering with these electric colors. As I 'let myself go' more, I began to see vague visions. I saw, interestingly, what appeared to be a tessellation of ancient Aztec figures. I saw the face from Pink Floyd's 'The Wall' emerge from a brick in a pyramid. But these weren't real images, again, they were made fro the same 'stuff' as the patterns you see when you naturally close your eyes. All of this was overlaid over my field of vision, as if someone had drawn patterns of cellophane, and was holding it over my eyes. Then, I felt something strange. I felt that I could explore deeper with these images in my mind, I felt the potential for something even more vivid, and I felt what I can only describe as my whole physical body being drawn to the back of my head. This frightened me a bit, especially since I had work in an hour.
It was now 7:30 AM. I stood up and began trying to cling to every bit of reality I could. I remember thinking to myself, 'Well, you wanted a trip, and now you've got one. I hope you're happy.' Still, everywhere I went, pattern of shimmering concentric circles were overlaid over my field of sight. Everywhere. I looked at my pupils in a mirror. They appeared normal. However, I began sweating profusely, especially on my brow and under my eyes. I wiped it all away quickly. I tried chewing on a piece of gum. My tongue felt too large and clumsy, and the gum too small, and yet, strangely, unusually flavorful, and slightly chalky.
I walked towards my computer, and I felt myself slipping more. It was in that moment I knew what so many trip reports meant when they said that they were 'going in and out of reality.' It was subtle, but still. I pulled up a picture of my girlfriend and I on the computer. The color in our skins kept on shifting to white. I was getting nervous about my condition and work. I ran upstairs and began playing video games. The television screen was shimmering with patterns. I couldn't escape the patterns. It would have been interesting and wonderful any other time, but now.
Now I was in trouble. I stood looking at a door, it seemed to get subtly taller and thinner, then shorter and fatter. And yet still, it wasn't all negative. I still felt the same compassion. So much so that, for the first time in a long time, I went up to my parents and told them that I loved them. I cried when I said it. That seemed to calm me down a bit. And so, after awhile, feeling slightly less nervous, I headed for work. I figured that as long as it was only subtle visual quirks, and not any huge impairments in my thought process and motor skills, I would be fine. I got to B's, and the entire experience changed.
I walked into B's house and greeted him, we sat down and talked for awhile, and somehow, now, I was feeling very. . .strange. I could think clearly about everything I was doing, but when I went to talk, it sounded foreign, silly, and slightly drunk. This panicked me, and I tried to be as quiet and cool as possible. Yet for some reason, every time I tried to say something, it sounded ridiculous to me, and almost as if I hadn't thought of it. This frustrated me.
B and I got in the car and arrived at work. I ate a bagel and had a soda, and at this point, I could talk a bit better, but everything seemed even more strange. I can't put my finger on it. I felt sluggish, and disconnected from what I was saying and doing. Like I was in a haze. It was perceptional more than visual or mental. This scared me. I was afraid that I might possibly stay like this. I had read about HPPD, and I was very, very afraid that this might be it. Now that I look back, it might have been that I didn't sleep that night that I felt so strange and disconnected. Somehow, I got through the long, hard day, took a nap, and got a second wind. I felt much better, and that finally, this trip was over.
For while after, maybe a week, maybe slightly more, there were moments where I felt that same strange detachment, however I feel completely normal all of the time, now. I've been excelling in school more than ever, and thinking deeper, more complex thoughts than ever, so brain damage is out of the question. To this day, when I close my eyes, along with the natural shapes I saw all my life, I now occasionally see faint concentric circles that shimmer in those electric colors. It's interesting. Maybe they were there all along, and I only never noticed.
It wasn't a bad experience, just inconvenient at the time. I would have liked to explore it more.
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