Citation: Raoul Duke. "Feels Like Death: An Experience with Amphetamines, Cannabis & Alcohol (exp40093)". Erowid.org. Apr 15, 2008. erowid.org/exp/40093
It was towards the end of summer, and my parents own a shore house. I was able to get ahold of the key and told my parents I'd be sleeping over a friends house that night. I'd actually be throwing a 'mini-party' down by the beach with a few of my friends. I hadn't gotten buzzed or anything in so long, so I was looking forward to this. I'll try to keep this as accurate as possible with the times but my memory is slightly fuzzy. Note that I was not taking any prescriptions or any chemicals of any sort except what I state in the following.
We get at the house maybe around 6 or 7 PM. Break out vodka and gin. I had about half a glass or so (vodka), and maybe around another half more in a glass of orange juice, but I really didn't like the taste so I didn't finish that. I found it easier to quickly down it straight, I prefer mixing with gatorade/powerade, though we didn't have any at the time. I drank about 3/4ths glass total (sorry for the inexact measurement), and I'm not too tolerant of the substance. We played super mario for a bit which was cool, but got boring. I was becoming drunk quickly though.
So we decided to smoke a joint outside. Shared among 5 people. Got a little high, not too much, feeling alcohol mostly and a little more relaxed. So we go back in the house and just chill for a bit. My friend then offers me something I've never tried.
Take 10 mg of adderall. Feel no different for a bit.
We decided to walk to the beach. Only a few blocks. Alcohol has worn off mostly, pot basically had no effect. I'm pretty much sober. Then it hit me, the adderrol came on strong. I felt so wonderful. It was slightly chilly before but I felt no discomfort at all. Felt euphoric and extremely happy. My friends commented on how I looked really really happy, not that I was sad before or anything. I had tons of energy and my mind was very clear, very very clear. And very very happy. So we get to the beach.
Still feeling the Adderall so very much. My friends were extremely surprised, as they said I'd only feel a little bit from the dose I took. Then again, I can't compare this to any other stuff I have done, most of the stuff I have tried are downers and nothing like this. Anyway, I was thinking about everything so clearly, it was as if I was realizing new things I never thought of before. So I decided to go skinny dipping for some reason despite the frigid cold. Some creepy guy was on the beach watching us, kinda freaked me out cause it was dark and all I could see was a black silouhette walking near us. I went back to where all my shit was on the beach just in case he was some kind of thief or something and laid down on my towel.
I'm laying on my towel. The guy has left so that's cool. I'm still extremely well concentrated and thinking about everything, but it wasn't good anymore. I was thinking about every aspect of my life but in a very depressing way. I usually talk with my friends all the time, but I laid down about 10 feet away from where they sat and talked for a while, and just laid there alone for a long time. I was becoming very depressed and couldn't take my mind off some really sad thoughts. Every so often, one of my friends came up to me asking what was wrong, and I just said I was fine, despite the fact that I clearly wasn't. I believe I started to sob a little bit (I probably sound like a total pussy or something, but I was seriously fucked up looking back on this).
Who knows what time it was, it was late. We finally decided to leave, I got up, still depressed. I haven't said a word to my friends in so long. On the walk home, my one friend, S, asks me what's up. I just remember telling him how I hated my life or something and he tried to cheer me up. Note: I am never like this.
After sitting at the house for a bit, I was basically just in a state of very clear mind, but depressed. My friends wanted to smoke so I joined them. This time it was with the bong. We sat on my wooden deck outside. After one hit, it hit hard, harder than any pot I've felt before. Like my head felt like it was melting. This wasn't the first time I've smoked a bong either. I wasn't sure if I should take another hit after it came back around to me, but I did anyway, bad mistake. After this hit, which was humongous by the way, quite possibly the largest hit I've taken ever, white smoke poured out of my lungs forever, my friends were like 'What the fuck? That was huge!' Right after that it felt like my brain just melted away.
Slow motion, can't move, spinning, the deck looked as if it was 2-D and as if it was moving. Definitely hallucinating. It was good though, very interesting. The world looked kind of 'cel-shaded' if you've ever seen one of those types of animations. Time was completely out of perception. My friends would ask me something, and it would take me 10 minutes to answer, but the funny thing was, they never said anything that hinted that I was taking forever to respond. So I wondered if the time thing was all in my head. It was too difficult to ask though. Then suddenly my friend shouts 'OH MY GOD YOU'RE GREEN!' My heart immediately raced and shivers came all over me, cause the trip was getting bad. They started asking me a lot of questions, but I kept saying I was fine, even though I wasn't. I asked one of my other friends if I really looked green and he said no, though later he admitted I was EXTREMELY green but did not want to further freak me out. Thank God I believed him.
At this point I have no perception of time whatsoever. I tell my friends I'm gonna lay down for a bit, and that I'm just tired, so they don't worry. I lay on a bed indoors, and I'm passing in and out of consciousness. Walking is near impossible. Moving is difficult. I'm pouring sweat. I think, I couldn't really tell. I began to think I was dying, this was very bad. Still hallucinating. I was contemplating whether I needed medical help or not, but I didn't want to get in any legal trouble or have my parents find out. As time passed, I began to think what would my friends do when they found my dead body, and how would my family react when they saw me dead at our shore house. The hallucinations became more intense. I saw 4 large men in blue suits walk over to me. I assumed they were cops or doctors or something, and assumed my friends called the cops. They then went downstairs, and I heard talking. It was my parents yelling and screaming at my friends. And one of my friends (a girl) was crying saying 'We didn't know what to do!' or something along those lines.
I was semi-conscious at this time, not dreaming, not really awake. My eyes were still open. At this point everything stopped, the talking, the screaming, the crying. My friends came up to me and asked if I was alright and offered me a glass of orange juice. I realized the cops/parents were non existant. It was all in my mind. The four people in blue suits were actually 4 of my friends.
My friends were pretty calm. I couldn't really move, and my responses were really vague and delayed to all my friends' questions. I didn't drink the juice, because after they went back outside, I started getting freaked out again. The sounds of my parents' and the cops' voices continued a few more times, but I convinced myself it was all in my mind. I tried standing. Much too difficult. My friends later told me that they found me laying on the floor in random places a few times passed out and put me back on the bed. An eternity passed as I lie there on the bed staring blankly at the window, and finally out of NOWHERE my consciousness came back. In a split second. This was not gradual at all. I flew out of my bed. I was so happy that I could think and function again. Though walking in a straight line was still difficult, it was nothing compared to my previous state. It honestly felt like I was dead and shocked back to life. I jumped around and rejoiced that I was alive.
Later my friends told me that I scared the shit out of them, but I all I remember was them asking me if I was ok every so often and I'd just say I was fine to try to make them not worry about it. If I told them I thought I was gonna die, they'd probably call the cops or something.
It was around 6 AM when I 'revived.' I don't know what happened. I was pale white and soaked in sweat. I've never had an experience like this with pot. I'm convinced it had something to do with the Adderall despite the low dose. I've never taken Adderall again, but I've definitely smoked and drank and never had this type of experience again. After that, I take extreme caution with the mixing of multiple drugs, cause I honestly felt like I died during that experience, which is impossible to explain, but it was VERY BAD.
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