Citation: gooseman. "I Quit Quitting: An Experience with Tobacco - Cigarettes (exp37351)". Erowid.org. Feb 28, 2007. erowid.org/exp/37351
I remember when I was about 15 my friends began to smoke cigarettes. We had all started smoking marijuana within the last year or two, but never thought to smoke cigarettes due to health concerns and the general opinion that they neither taste nor smell as good as ganja (I still hold this opinion today). My friends never pressured me into smoking; I just got curious as I always do.
Soon enough I was smoking as much or more than everyone else. While everyone else smoked light cigarettes, I went for the filters, and often would seek out exotic European cigarettes made with stronger tobacco. By the summer before my senior year in high school, I was smoking a pack a day of filter cigarettes. I began to notice that I had a phlegm filled cough, and that I was getting shorter of breath and everything you would expect of a smoker. It was at this point I really began to get sick of the constant urge to smoke a cigarette, as well as my mothers nagging me to quit. I had tried to quit in the past, but it never lasted longer than a week, and I was never too serious in the first place. This time however, I wanted to quit, partly to see if I could do it. I managed to quit cold turkey, and it lasted for about 7 months. The first weeks were especially rough, for I constantly suffered intense, anxiety ridden, cravings, as well as headaches, insomnia, and overall irritability. I found that chewing on special toothpicks flavored with tea tree oil, menthol, and some other things helped ease my cravings, though I had never smoked menthol cigarettes. I think the chewing and having something in my mouth helped. As I said, this lasted for about seven months. By the fifth or sixth month, my cravings were gone, I no longer felt addicted to cigarettes, and if I had tried to smoke one of my old cigarettes, I probably would have felt dizzy and sick and whatnot.
It was then, in the middle of a very cold and snowy winter, that I really began to miss smoking cigarettes. It was nothing like my previous cravings and physical symptoms, it was more like I was missing a good friend whom had moved away. In this moment of weakness, I began to think I could just have one every once in a while, and not go back to my old ways. The fact that all my friends constantly smoked did not help. On a trip up to Vermont, I broke down and smoked a cigarette. The feeling of relief and satisfaction has no words to describe it. Needless to say, I was soon back to where I had been the previous year. That summer I found myself smoking near a pack a day. These days, I have managed to cut back on the number of cigarettes I smoke, it can be anywhere from two to ten a day, and even more when I am drinking. I think someday I will quit for good, but not just yet. My biggest concern is my health, and though I know it is better to quit now, while I still have my youth, I just do not think I am ready yet.
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