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Beside Myself
Cacti - T. peruvianus
by Fractals
Citation:   Fractals. "Beside Myself: An Experience with Cacti - T. peruvianus (ID 36192)". Erowid.org. Jul 7, 2005. erowid.org/exp/36192

 
DOSE:
35 g oral Cacti - T. peruvianus (capsule)

BODY WEIGHT: 155 lb


This was my fourth attempt with San Pedro. I ingested 35 grams dried and crushed up in 39 capsules over a period of 1 1/2 hours from 4:15p - 5:45p. I was happy when I finally finished and felt stuffed. My mindset was peaceful. This time I had no anxiety prior to the trip, and felt confident that regardless of the minor negative physical effects I might endure during and after the trip, the benefits were worth it. No other substance have I felt I could trust completely, although I have great respect for all of them.

The come up began suprisingly early and I was a tad uncomfortable, as I felt so full from the capsules. My girlfriend arrived home for work, and I volunteered to walk to the nearest Mexican resturant to pick her up some food, thinking the walk could alleviate the discomfort. The walk was a short one, but it felt good to be outside, and the colors were vibrant in the early evening sunlight. I figured this was a mind trick, being that I had only finished the cactus 15 minutes before. As I sat in the resturaunt waiting for the food to be made, I could definently feel the initial energy rushes of the mescaline. The next 4 hours were a gradual and smooth come up. Some mental discomfort, as I felt a bit restless and bored, but nothing too bad. At the 5 hour mark, the effects of the drug were definently MDMA like, My body felt electric and light, and my feelings of empathy increased. My sexual energy was also amplified. The only negative was my eyes rolling almost to an uncomfortable degree if I let my mind wander without focus.

The familiar tired feeling began to set in around 10:30 p.m. and I decided to lay down in bed and attempt to let the mescaline take over me as I thought the beginning of the peak was coming soon. While lying there, I closed my eyes, unable to keep them open for long, even when I struggled to. I felt like I was being told to sleep, but my mind was too aware to be able to. Eventually I got out of bed, and went to sit outside. My stomach had been slighty annoyed, and I felt some fresh air might help. I loved being outside and even the humid air was welcome to me. The trees swayed and the grass bristled. The clouds in the purple/orange/black sky took on images of faces.

This is where the trip became a breakthrough for me, the first true 'higher' experience I've ever had. I decided to try meditation to see if I could really let go, and sat down in the grass. I began to do a breath counting excercise, and realized that I had no wandering thoughts. Very rapidly I saw immense colors swirling in patterns in front of my eyes. Distinct images began to appear, faces and people in foreign clothing that looked ceremonial and I felt as if I was physically entering into some sort of light. Unfortunatley, I am suffering almost total amnesia of what I saw, but remember fragments of temples accompanied with singing, and a very large and very bright sun and colors as vivid as a rainbow's. When I came out of it I was still sitting in the grass. I went inside and sat down for awhile when I checked the clock, almost 1 1/2 hours had passed since I had gone outside. I must have been sitting outside for awhile! The sexual push was still very strong. My mind was empty, I was unable to maintain any long train of thought. I was at peace with everyone and everything. Sometimes I couldn't tell where my body ended and the chair or floor began.

I went back to the bedroom and drifted in and out of sleep for the next 6 hours. Reocurring images of forests appeared, one prominent image was being in a clearing in the jungle with a girl and her young sister. They took me through some terrible parts of a nearby city. I witnessed someone being killed, up close and grisly. I was revolted and felt sad that there were people that had to live in fear for their life. I saw some beautiful scenes of nature as well. The most astonishing thing was the detail, and my ability to change scenes at will. When the murder scene became too frightening, I willed it to stop, and was shown a much more pleasing scene. At times I would awake and lie there feeling totally clear and sober. Then the visuals, which mostly were color flashes and Aztec patterns, as well as morphing would began and soon I would be back into a trancelike dream. Around 4 a.m. I awoke to flashing lights, and thought it was the mescaline. It turned out the be a lightning storm. Each time I trip on a substance, regardless of what the weather has been like, A storm develops, complete with lightning and thunder. EVERY TIME. I wouldn't believe it if I hadn't experienced it.

The intensity of the trip seems to be parallel with the effects. Being that this was the most intense trip I had had, this was the most intense storm, with lightning seemingly right outside my window. The second time it woke me up, I felt it IN MY HEAD, before I saw it or hear the thunderclap. It made a slight **hisssss** sound, like an electrical snap. This was one of most interesting things I had ever experienced. My dog was frightened and curled up next to me due the storm, so I reassured him by petting him, enjoying the storm. At one point I decided to get out of bed to watch it outside on my porch. The storm was so close that I felt afraid to go outside, for fear of getting struck. Besides, I was again being drawn into sleep.

After more dreams, I awake to the sunlight coming through the window. I woke up, and continued to come down from my trip until aproximately 4 p.m. This trip was as long as my first one. almost 24 hours from ingestion to end. I was mentally and physically exhausted from lack of sleep, but I felt cleaner than I ever had. I am naturally very skinny, and I felt like I had lost weight the next day. As the trip ended, I again experienced mild gastric disturbances throughout the day. As I tried to process all I had experienced, I looked at a book of Huichol yarn paintings, and read about their belief that those who show respect will be taught by the cactus. I thought perhaps, that my willingness to set myself completely aside, allowed me to go further than I ever had before. Unfortunately, I am unable to recall the majority of the trip, and what I have written are only part of it. My positive after effects have endured for over 3 days. I feel brighter, happier and more balanced. Again I must express my respect and awe for San Pedro. It is truly sacred. I will determine better record keeping before my next experience.

Exp Year: 2004ExpID: 36192
Gender: Male 
Age at time of experience: Not Given 
Published: Jul 7, 2005Views: 37,513
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Experience Reports are the writings and opinions of the individual authors who submit them.
Some of the activities described are dangerous and/or illegal and none are recommended by Erowid Center.


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