Citation: AStupidName. "Fun Self-Realization Fades to Paranoia: An Experience with Ecstasy (MDMA & PMA??) & Amphetamines (exp35920)". Erowid.org. Dec 27, 2005. erowid.org/exp/35920
[Erowid Note: While it may be that the substance described below contains PMA and MDMA, Ecstasy tablets are notoriously impure or misrepresented, often containing chemicals other than those they are presumed to contain. This report is marked as an MDMA and PMA report, but readers should be aware that this is more of a general Ecstasy report.]
So last week a friend invited me to go to a rave with him. Not just any old rave in a house, or back yard, or a club. Not one in an abandoned building or anywhere else in a city area. THIS was one in a field 36 miles down a logging road, which was off of a fork of a side street a considerable distance from anything. So to put it bluntly, it's a rave in the middle of fucking NOWHERE. And as you'll see this is a good thing.
A few weeks ago I simply stopped taking my Effexor. Why? I was just sick of it, and as I forgot it for a few days and noticed improved mood, I decided to stick with it. I have 15mg Dexedrine for ADD (Which I'm not sure I even have!). My usual usage for the dex when I use it recreationally is to crush up about half of it, snort that, and swallow the rest. Now, at this point I should note I've been wanting to try extasy for some time, but didn't yet know I would be having some. I carry another dexedrine with me (These are slow release, so it's a gelcap filled with little pellets to nibble on) before heading to his house. While there, we have a drink each, talk a bit, and he brings up the question of if I would like to try e. It comes as a surprise because the last time we'd ever talked about it he sort of flipped out about how 'INCREDIBLY DANGEROUS' it was.. Anyway, I tell him I would like to try it. Skip ahead an hour or two, we head out. We drop by a friend's place and he hands me one tablet of PMA/MDMA, another of MDMA/Speed. Since then I've found his next directions were not quite correct. He told me to hold it under the tongue until all of it was dissolved, and to then take a drink of water to wash it down. Anyway, I did so, and we drive off. I did not write down any times as I hadn't planned on submitting an experience so times are rough estimates.
I put on some music, and as we're driving along, I think I start to notice some slight speedy feeling around 30-50 minutes. Nothing much.
Around an hour, there's a definite warm feeling coming from my stomach/solar plexus which slowly spreads around. I notice everything is starting to look shiny, and check the make-up mirror to see how wide open my pupils are. Pretty wide open!
At about an hour and a half, the music takes on much more depth. I'm definately feeling warm now. Like how I would feel after several drinks, except clear-headed. I'm quite happy now and can't help but grin and smile at things. I'm noticing my friend SEEMS to be behaving a bit differently, more open. I don't believe he had any so I have to assume it was my unusually open and good mood spreading to him.
Two hour mark. I won't describe much since before- it's mostly driving and boring stuff. Now at this point we have already reached the mining road. It's important to note that my friend is driving a rather large SUV. Not one of those dinky things like a RAV4 or CR-V. This is practically a VAN. So, we travel over a rather flimsy looking bridge, the sides of it obscured by fog hanging over the water. At around this point, I believe the PMA has kicked in. At the other side we suddenly enter into a twisty curvy path, with trees arching over top of the road. Since it's a single lane road, and it's very bumpy, going alll over the place, you'd think my friend would drive carefully. Nope. He decides to go at speeds normally reserved for the highway! Of course because I'm already on a number of amphetamines, I'm having a complete blast. It's just like a roller-coaster. Except far more dangerous and illegal. :D
Unknown time. Suddenly I have an odd visual. The trees surrounding us, the road, and the branches overhead TURN INTO A BRICK CASTLE HALLWAY. The sides are brick, the top arhces together to a point, a stone floor.. I blink and return to reality in the SUV, still barelling down this road. Amazingly the music is still going and hasn't (yet) skipped. I take this moment to describe a dream oddly similar to what I've just experienced to him. To summarize: I'm going down a road somewhere, and at the sides of the roads arching overhead, are sheets of plywood. Just... arching over it. Pieces are missing in many places, so I decide to help them out. I grab one as we drive past it, and I place it on an empty spot on the 'wall'. A few seconds later, a complete tunnel is formed by the boards. ALmost right away we hit a dead end. There's an open door at the end, and in the next room, a man is placing more boards in the floor, which is filled with spikes to keep the boards in place. After that I can't remember much, but just having a hallucination that reminds me strongly of a dream was fun. The visuals continue to happen in intervals every few minutes, until I'm at last brought right out of it by the cd skipping. No matter, we're already here.
So, I get out of the car, grab all my silly rave-related stuff (grabbed various accessories as I'd done my research. blinky flashy pacifier thing for teeth, a colored necklace, glowsticks..) and start to walk around. My body isn't so much inhibited, as much as moving around on it's own. I want to go somewhere, and then I'm just walking there, or bam, I'm just there already, no memories of the walk over. After walking around a bit, I get the bright idea to look up and I completely lose my balance. Up in the sky, there isn't a single cloud. The view is framed by mountains with just a sliver of moon out. But more importantly, STARS. That's not quite enough emphasis. There are not a couple stars out, ten, or even a few hundred. There are many thousands of stars out, more stars than I've ever even thought I'd see, along with the faint blue/purple glow of the milky way itself. This, you see, is the big advantage of a rave far far from anything else. [The second advantage is that it was QUITE cool out here, despite being horrifically hot elsewhere in the day.] Where I live you're lucky to pick out the brighter stars on an average night.
A few hours later, I try the other dex, and smoke a bit of pot. Then I have a second PMA/MDMA. For future reference I'm going to note the second one was either too soon, or just too much. A BAD IDEA at any rate. Combine this with the fact I absolutely despise pot because I feel like someone has dumped sewage in my very being after having any. So, with some pot, more dex, more PMA and mdma going through my system, I simply sit on a log somewhere and look around nervously. The close emotional feeling is gone, replaced with worry and paranoia. I keep looking at the entrance, carefully examining every person coming by for fear it might be police, or something. Not much later, my friend decides to go home, and I can either stay here, or go with him. As I didn't know anyone there that closely, I decided to go with him. One of the better decisions I made that night. Oddly (but not surprisingly), I can't remember a single thing about the trip back from the event, though I remember feeling quite hot, but not to the point I felt sick. When I woke up, my mind was quite groggy. This cleared up over the next several days, leaving behind a subltle but un-ignorable feeling of well-being.
It's been an entire week and there's been nothing resembling a crash, smooth sailing all along. This could be partly due to the fact I've taken amphetamines most of my life (up to now, only prescription) and my mind has already adjusted to their frequent presence. Another benefit is that even NOW, I'm in much better spirits, happier, more motivated.. emotional sensitivity is high. Remember where I mentioned quitting effexor? Well, having quit that and then done a variety of other chemicals has sort of given a double shot of emotional openness. And given me an even deeper understanding and respect for the inner workings of the brain. I plan to try just MDMA proper sometime, but what I like most about mdma is that I'm in no rush to try it again. If you were to tell me that was the first and last pill I would ever have, I'd be quite dissapointed, but not devastated. I can't say the same for dexedrine. :P
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