Citation: Mr. Solinas. "Pivotal: An Experience with H.B. Woodrose (exp31978)". Erowid.org. Jan 5, 2007. erowid.org/exp/31978
This trip report isn't a usual one, describing the feelings and visuals of my induced euphoria. Herein I'll describe the lifechanging profoundness, but I'll need your patience as the story requires a prologue so that the full implications may be realized.
Lately I have been extremely depressed. Developing symptoms of severe depression, paranoia, schizophrenia, etc... I'm also dead poor, in a miserable school, miserable home, with miserable family, with no future. There's lots of specifics to these, but you get the picture already.
A little while ago, my mental depression began to reach a height never thus reached. I managed to keep my sanity, but day in and day out I knew I was depressed to the marrow. Marrow, that brings me to the second point of that. That my body, as the vessel of my mind and a parallel to it, has been suffering as well, and has fallen ill. I've been in a state of tragic misery, a slippery downward spiral from which there was no escape but suicide (which I'd contemplated in detail far too frequently). Bed ridden with mono, my mental state has been on a steep decline, my body has been exhausted.
But today I sucked it up and went out to the a Book Shop in downtown Vancouver, went inside to the little shop at the back called the Urban Shaman, and bought some HB Woodrose seeds (as well as some Cebil seeds & Calea Zacatechichi, both of which I have yet to try) with some chance money I recently came upon. I got home, stuck 4 seeds in my mouth and waited a while.
So I waited a while longer. And nothing happened.
So I chewed them up and held them in my mouth. After a while I thought I felt some form of intoxication, but wasn't quite sure. After another while, I swallowed the mildly bitter saliva and seed chunk concoction.
I started to get really tired, I mean dead tired. I stumbled around the house in a stupor in an attempt to find my bed, where I literally crashed.
I started getting really sick. I was getting unpleasurably disoriented and my nausea was worsening. Thoughts were filling my mind of a parallel mental nausea from which I couldn't escape, not in a million years. So I drank some water and closed my eyes. I don't remember how, but I fell asleep. I woke up about 10 minutes later, in the same condition. These sleep disruptions persisted at irregular, yet brief, intervals reminiscent of the aforementioned.
Then I woke up.
About an hour or an hour and a half after I swallowed the seeds, I awoke to find my nausea gone. I had this pleasant feeling throughout my body and my mind.
I put on Dark Side of the Moon, and began to write about the sun, the earth, and of my profound emotional relationship with them.
I'm not really experiencing any visuals, but my imagination is wandering beautifully when my eyes are closed. My mind is putting the pieces together of every jigsaw piece that plagues my mind and amounts to my general anxiety and depression. I'm learning so much about myself and my surroundings, to seemingly infinite extents in both intro- and extraverted directions. I'm filled with love for myself, my family (a few hours ago whom I'd loathed the faintest of thoughts of), and the univers (that's just how I like to spell it).
These pivotal thoughts aren't just of general notion either. My mind comprehends the emotional and mental specific aspects that reveal the inner and outer workings that ought to fall into place should the univers be a perfect place.
My appreciation for vibrant beautiful colours. Not just actual visual colours, but the colours of life, of the mind, and of the heart. I've acquired patience, peace, and purity.
My illness is characterized by an extremely sore throat (it's a strenuous agony to try to swallow, yawn, or even turn my head), and a severely swollen neck, with complementary swollen lymph nodes.
But the swelling's gone down tremendously in the course of just a few hours. As my body was a parallel of my unhealthy mind earlier, it is becoming a parallel of my happy/healthy (two words which I feel are the same idea) mind.
My creative and intellectual mind is being nourished, and that brings me an amazing joy. My ego is disappearing. I just feel great, through and through, all over.
Strangely, the one thing that kept me going through my suicidal depression was the hope that one day, I could achieve these feelings. These feelings of peace and tranquility and happiness and health. They seemed so unattainable, like they were designed for every human and animal on the planet save me. These things were just concepts that dogged my mind day in and day out, because I couldn't have them.
But these seeds that contain LSA helped me achieve what I'd sought for so long. I feel enabled to take on the world. I'm no longer the sloth I was. The high may be mild, but at the same time it's very intense. That, and I know to make the most of what I'm presented with (so does my body. I believe it's possible to train your mind as well as your body to make the most of what mental, emotional, and physical 'nutrients' you put in them. This, I suspect, goes the same for drugs). My life feels like it's turned on a dime. No longer slipping away into the recesses of insanity. I feel bright, radiant, vibrant, and warm.
As you may have been able to tell, as I write this I am under the influence of the baby Hawaiian Woodrose seeds. So this feeling is only temporary, but even when the high is gone, I can still keep the insights I gained that shall serve me with the tools necessary to build a happy & healthy life. And perhaps this mild trip is only the precursor & preparation to & for even greater experiences with higher doses & even other psychedelics.
Thank you drugs! You've healed me and changed my life. Amen.
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