Mushrooms - P. cubensis & Diazepam
Citation: Ol' stoner. "Mushrooms Stole My Soul: An Experience with Mushrooms - P. cubensis & Diazepam (exp31107)". Erowid.org. Mar 3, 2007. erowid.org/exp/31107
For some time before this trip I am about to explain, I had been quite unsatisfied with my life and I felt that I needed a new outlook on things. In the past I had done some experimentation with mushrooms and had been very satisfied with the effects and had great respect for this fungus. While I did enjoy the previous trips, the after effects where very harsh. For several days after both my previous trips I was unable to look at the world as I had before. The trip itself was almost too much even though I only consumed no more than 2.5g.
Even though I wanted an extremely powerful trip this time, I didn't want the experience to be negative, so having used valium before and noticed its powerful calming effects, I decided to get ahold of some of it for this trip.
I decided beforehand to take 400mg of caffiene and a weed cookie to intesify the trip even more. I wanted to use the caffiene so that I would be highly alert during the duration of the experience.
The entire day I mentally calmed myself and prepared myself for the trip. I mixed the shrooms in some delicious applesauce and consumed the mixture around 11:00pm. At about 11:15 I split a 5mg valium in half and took one of the halfs. I sat around wathing TV for another 15 minutes before I consumed the weed cookie, which contained about 1g of commercial weed, at 11:30.
I continued to watch TV until about 11:45 when I noticed that everything felt and looked just a little bit off. I wasn't quite sure whether it was the valium, the mushrooms or both that where beggining to kick in. But either way I put on my jacket and took my CD player with the Requiem for a Dream soundtrack and went outside to take a walk.
When I got outside I could definitely tell the shrooms had kicked in but it seemed as though the valium had greatly stunted the full effects of the fungi. I was greatly dissapointed, so at about 12:00 I took out my bubbler and proceded to smoke a bowl of some incredibly powerful kind bud that I had bought a few weeks earlier. Even after I had finished the bowl I still couldn't feel the full effects of the shrooms, so decided to sit in the back of my truck and listen to the Requiem for a Dream soundtrack.
As soon as the first note of the CD sounded I was rocketed into the full effects of the mushrooms. The clouds became the most wonderful things I had ever witnessed, and I remember realizing that I was in for an incredibly intense trip. While I sat in the bed of my truck the trees began to take on faces and bodies, and I saw occasional flashes in my peripheral vision. Everything took on an extra layer of colored patterns, and the sky turned a bright blue even though it was in the middle of the night.
About 15-20min after these hallucinations began(I'm not quite sure about the time but I remember noticing that I was several tracks into my CD) I felt as though the mushrooms were taking my soul, my ego, and my very own indentity. A very small part of myelf screamed at me to fight the mushrooms and keep my soul, but thanks to the valium most of me didn't care that I was losing my very own identity. As I lost my soul the music rushed in to fill the void where my soul and ego had once resided. Once I had fully lost my ego, I suffered from total amnesia. I didn't know who I was, what my name was, where I was, and who my friends and family were.
This continued for at least an 1 and a half hours. During this time it became incredibly cold, it must have been 20 degrees, but I didn't care, there was no 'I' to care. After that 1 1/2 hours I began to regain my indentity and I realized that I was beginning to freeze. The instinct of self preservation took over and amazingly I was able to make it back inside my house and into my bed.
The next thing that I remember is that it is 4:00 in the morning and I am laying in bed trying to figure out who the hell I am. Very slowly I began to peice things together and retake my ego. During this entire time that I rebuilt my indentity, I felt an overwhelming sense of dread and depression as if I had the lost the most valuable thing in the world but didn't quite know what it was.
I didn't sleep at all that night, I stayed trying to remember who I was. The next day I did some deep personal soul searching to try and really figure what my newfound life was for and what I should do with it.
This trip accomplished exactly what I had hoped it would: It gave me a new sense of purpose in life and a completely new outlook on the world. For those who are seeking the same thing, I whole heartedly suggest taking the same path as I did.
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