Citation: Joseph. "Discovered at 19: An Experience with Cannabis (exp29766)". Erowid.org. Apr 11, 2006. erowid.org/exp/29766
Before the age of nineteen, I had never had marijuana or any criminalized substance. I was suffering from severe obsessive compulsive disorder, clinical depression, and some random symptoms difficult to characterize. I had tried two of the legal SSRI's (Selective Serotonin Reuptake Inhibitors) First, Zoloft, I was on this for at least one year's time. I ended up taking the highest dose the psychiatrist would give me, 300 milligrams, but still, there was no noticable, substantial help from this. I then tried Celexa, but again did not experience benefits. I was then desperate, and in these severe cases they prescribe a class of substances called 'atypical' or novel anti-psychotics. I was eventually on the highest dose of Zyprexa in combination with one SSRI, but still there was no help. Then it was switched to Seroquel, with the same results of no help. I was now nineteen years old, and my horrifying journey into the psychiatric medical community, had started when I was around 15 or 16.
This is where marijuana, thank Holy God, appeared into my life. Mindset: the regular feeling I'd come to wake up with, pretty anxious, sad, and neurotic. An acquaintance from across the street, Brian, started talking to me out of the blue. I knew him from high school, where I was a new student at school, had very few friends and this was also the time where I had some of the worst experiences of my life. Anyway, it was nighttime, and he just casually mentioned that we could smoke up, that is if I'm okay with that. I was like, 'Alright'. So, we went behind the garages outside our co-operative apartment complex. The setting, was a warm summer's evening, and the two of us calmly hiding out. So he promptly rolled a nice joint, and we smoked it.
Well, it was like being a kid again! I was amazed how beautiful my perception of the world became. Also, my awareness had shifted very fast, and that was the other awesome thing. It was almost like... warping out into another dimension of fun. I became acutely aware of my friend Brian's repeated attempts to impress a lady friend on the phone. It was absolutely hilarious! I was laughing and laughing just like I did when I was a kid. At some point, I realized that, there is no more obsessive compulsive disorder, sadness, or any problem at that particular time. And later that night, I was able to go to sleep very fast, which was highly therapeutic because I was also experiencing a lot of trouble falling asleep. I also had a fantastic insight into my brain(mental) problems, I was able to think on a higher level and I *Know* that my I.Q. had temporarily just increased, it was like I could use more than the usual 10% of the brain that all humans supposedly use.
It was then all clear to me what was happening. Whatever inherited genetics that I was given, and how the body that is created from that set of inherited genetics which are really instructions on precisely how to build you, cell by cell, how your individual body deals with, recently discovered by a Yale scientist, brain viruses or 'environmental genetics' how that can cause the brain or mental disease process, which depending upon what areas of the physical brain are damaged, will result in particular mental disorders. I had made an amazing discovery, or, more accurately, Good God had led me to make this discovery. Maybe I could tell my story, and hopefully, someday, someone else could benefit from it. I am also sure of something. The marijuana made me use more of my mind. It actually gave me access to areas of my intellect that I simply and honestly could not get in touch with before. I also had the revelation that after smoking pot, whatever bio-chemical and possibly electro-physiological imbalances causing me to experience such mental pain, it had all been temporarily corrected.
So, I have been administering pot as a medication to myself since I was around nineteen years old (about 2-4 grams a day). I am now twenty one and I am still on it. It is nice to have a medication that actually works. It is not perfect. But then again, it's not bad either, it has many uses, and I believe it should be legalized, or at least people should know this medical story and the nearly 'miracle drug' that helped to change my life for the better. I was so affected by severe mental illness for a large segment of my teenage life, that it was a sudden revival to be near healthy again.
I should probably make this story complete and add a few important details. I was also diagnosed with one other label, Chronic Undifferentiated Divided-Mind (Schizophrenia) with prominent Negative symptoms. The negative symptoms are simply, unclear emotions and mood, absence of thoughts, social withdrawal, apathy or indifference, and a lack of drive to do anything, in extreme cases, even shower. I have felt a lot of those symptoms and I can say that marijuana can help to treat the so-called 'negative' or lack-of, normal drives and abilities, which is present in some forms of schizophrenia, which is, in truth, an umbrella term for a huge category of many, what have been practically proven, brain illnesses.
I am still too disabled to be able to concentrate enough to do well in college, I know because I've already tried. Anyway, hopefully someone else out there can do something good with this information I've provided.
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