Citation: Pointman. "Not Great for an Escape, But USEFUL!: An Experience with Diazepam & Cannabis (ID 26496)". Erowid.org. Mar 3, 2007. erowid.org/exp/26496
This is just a short comment on Valium. I have never done this substance before but have tried many others. I hate stimulants with a passion, and hence have a deep fondness for depressants. I had tried all flavors of opiates so when some Benzo action came around my way I had to give it a shot.
2 yellow, 5mg brand name Valiums were ingested on an empty stomach (hadn't eaten in about 6 hours). One was whole, the other had fragmented into about 5 pieces in the bag. Not wanting to feel hungry during the effects, which is one of the worst things when you're sedated to hell and you don't feel like getting up and making a sandwich, I downed two granola bars 5 minutes after taking the pills. I figured they already had a good enough headstart to dissolve in my empty, growling stomach.
I was right. As I was halfway through the first bar I felt a warmness slowly creep into my fingertips and face. It was ever so subtle, at first I thought it was just anticipation, but I realized otherwise as it developed. By the time I had finished my snack, most of my body was ever so slightly warmed, and I began to feel a little disconnected, like when the very first effects of alcohol begin to hit me.
'This could be good' I thought to myself. So I put on some music and went on the web. But the music seemed to be bothering me. So I took the headphones off, pushed away from the computer, and stood up. Whoa. So this is Valium. My legs felt like they do on a DXM trip, rubbery and without strength. As did most of my muscles, I now realized. Also my vision was now slightly strobed, like the first time I ever get high off pot. I felt dettached but not so much as with opiates.
I sat back down, after moving around a bit and enjoying the jello like feeling in my arms and legs. So far not a single feeling was bad. There was no rush, or euphoria as with opiates. There was a very slight mood lift, but it was more of a content feeling then a happy feeling. Also my stomach was totally calm, unlike opiates where it is a bit acidic and I don't feel hungry for a good while. I cannot imagine nausea ever developing on this drug.
As the last bits of the drug were metabolized and circulated through my blood, the experience 'peaked' I guess you could say. The feeling just got stronger, and stayed there. I knew this was as 'high' as I was getting tonight. This plateau came about 45 mins since swallowing the pills. About 10 minutes after this, the strobe effect went away, the muscle relaxation was less pronounced, and the dettached feeling gradually went away. I wasn't baseline, but I was coming down already (About 1:00 into the experience).
'What is this?' I thought. The allmighty valium and it has failed to knock me on my ass, or put me into a sedated world of relaxation. Bah. But the calmness stayed with me. I guess that is why this is an anxiolytic(sp?) and not a narcotic. So here I am, about t+1:20, with an extremely calm mind and not much else.
Then I remembered something from an old game, Metal Gear Solid. In the game there were a few sections where you were required to take people out with a sniper rifle. But when you aimed the crosshairs would float all over. In the game, the solution to this was to run around and find a crate containing Diazepam. I did not know, back when I played the game, that this was Valium. When you take the Diazepam the scope settles down and you can aim well.
This made me stare off into space thinking for a good 10 minutes. Just connecting something from my early teen years to what I was doing now, it was a strange feeling. Anyway, it gave me an idea. For most of my life, I have had incredibly shaky hands, no matter how relaxed or stress free I am. So I held out both hands and observed.
Sure enough, my outstretched fingers were remarkably steady. A large improvement. Interesting indeed! But I quickly grew bored of this, as this was my big binge before college, which is in 4 days, so I needed to get 'messed up' to use a less delicate term.
Having nothing else but a gram and change of some high potency marijuana, I figured it was a good idea. Now this is not your average, skunky, bulk commercial stuff, nor is it the good looking yet dry, misleading 'hydro' you will find in some places. This was the best herb I have seen in years, literally. Frosted like children's cereal, smelled like a sealed room full of marijuana. Usually I can't even finish a bowl of this stuff.
But on valium, I put away 2 bowls in rapid succession. And what did I get for it? I'll explain but I must start a new paragraph.
The first smoke of the day is always the most powerful. Also it is the only time I get any kind of anxiety with it. It's nothing major, just a slight tightness of the chest and a tendency to worry more about things I shouldn't. Any time I smoke after this, the high is the same but the anxiety is always gone. It's like the first high of the day burns off all the anxiety and leaves an open mind for further spliff sessions.
Well, this WAS the first smoke of the day, a long day, it being about 12:50 am and I hadn't touched any herb yet. And even though I smoked TWO bowls of really high quality stuff, it was like smoking for the 5th time in a 24hr period. NO anxiety at all. Not even a single TRACE. I just leaned back in my chair, with music playing LOUD, my arms splayed out on the desk in front of me, the muscles soft and not wanting to move. Totally enjoying the pot instead of the chest tightness and fleeting worry. This is nice. However the pot completely kicks the Valiums ass, and I couldn't even tell I was feeling anything but THC by the time I was done.
I can see why this is prescribed as an anxiolytic. It works VERY well in that regard. I am normally a very hyped up, kinda on edge, twitchy kinda guy and it made me just totally melt into a chair and think about things calmly and slowwwwly. It doesn't take me to another world of itchy euphoria like codeine, nor does it leave me with a buzzing, detached heavy body high like codeine does as well.
Even at 10mg, 4x the reccomended dose, it is very mild. The onset feels like a recreational drug, I felt 'f'd up' for a while, but 30 mins later I was wondering if I was even feeling it at all, or if I was just tired.
I wish I could get prescribed some of this stuff. Not to abuse though. This is the first pharmaceutical I have ever felt this way about. Codeine, I would love to be prescribed, so I could eat 7 of them and just space out. But Diazepam is different.
I would like to acquire a large number of these 5mg pills, and split them in half, taking them as necessary throughout the day to keep that relaxed, but not messed up feeling. I have a real problem with being too amped up and tweaky in everyday life, and this is a drug I feel could really just smooth out my day and let me totally enjoy life. In fact I got to thinking while I was still on the Valiums alone, without the herb.
This is how I was meant to live. Totally calm and in control at all times, something I try so hard to do by willpower alone, but simply can't. And a simple product put out by Roche makes this possible. While daydreaming, I envisioned myself walking through crowds of people, working in a busy and stressful environment, going to new and stimulating places in the world, all without a touch of anxiety. It was like a taste of heaven.
I've always thought that there were two different people in my head. The person you hear now, safe and sound behind a computer in my room, talking logically, thinking straight, and posessing goals, ideals, and principles. Then there's the 'me' I use when I go out into the world. A nervous, fidgety, unsure little kid, who has no sense of humor, can barely put together a sentence, and whos goals and ideals are nothing more then 'Get back home to safety' and 'Hope no one talks to me'. Diazepam allows me to keep and maintain the 'real me', the spirited, humorous guy who isn't phased by much.
I only hope I can find some way of acquiring these magic valiums in bulk, as I am tired of reverting to 'outside world me' whenever I step out my front door. Please wish me the best in this endeavor. Thank you for listening to my story ^_^
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