Citation: Schlaze. "Facing My Shadow-Self: An Experience with AMT (exp26479)". Erowid.org. Aug 30, 2003. erowid.org/exp/26479
My friend owed me a favor and I was surprised to get a call from him so soon. He wouldn't realy tell me what he had for me but he said it was waiting in his freezer in an aluminum altoids box.
I showed up at his appt. in the afternoon. I arrived and smoked a bowl of marijuana. Upon the arrival of my friend we smoked some more and he told me about the research chemical he had for me. I had been waiting for an opportunity to try a new psychedelic compound; it had been months since I last tripped. So around 3:00 I ingested two gelcaps both containing 30 mg.'s AMT. My friend laughed and asked if I ate both of them. I said yes and then he told me that he had never heard of someone taking so much at once. I thought oh well, here goes nothing.
At T:30 I was definately beginning to feel the onslaught. I can only describe the initial onset as a sensation of vibratory energy slowly gaining momentum. At this point all systems go.
At T:1HOUR I began to hallucinate. It started as a glistening or reflective glow kind of a shimmering that would occour randomly. Then I noticed that my body felt cramped or awkward so I did some stretching on the floor. When I stood up it was like the ceiling of the appartment had evaporated, all of a sudden there was no feeling of being held in or contained. I steped out on the porch and watched the bustle of the city night. Now I was triping.
At T:1:30 Now I began to experience the physical rushing sensation which is similar to ecstacy. I experienced random physical quirks such as the twitching of my eye and the clenching of my jaw, which started as almost a shivering although I was not at all cold. It was like a frequency was coming out of my cells and my mind.
I narrowly avoided a bad trip at this time because I vomited quite ferosciously. Looking up from the toilet all of a sudden there was this green slime/ooze that was all over everything and it was moving like there was worms in it. I went and appologized to my friend and his g.f. was like dude what are you talking about there's no mess in here at all! Then I returned to the act of just chillin. I read some of the teachings of Jesus.
At T:2HOURS I was now completely gone, lost in my artwork. I began to paint without any preconcieved idea about what I wanted to do. It was some of the best art I had ever done. It was like rediscovering paint as a child. After doing a couple pieces I tried to sit and meditate in the lotus position. But again the energy kept building up the back of my spine untill all I could do was stand up and spread my arms to embrace all that is. At this point the two couples I was with began to wind down, and it was apparent they were becoming ready to retire. I then thanked my friend for the AMT and his hospitality and said goodnight.
At T:3HOURS I went over to my brother's appartment and watched KOYAANISQATSI: LIFE OUT OF BALANCE directed by Godfrey Regio with score by Phillip Glass. The film would have blown open my mind sober but MY GOD!! It was like watching the Earth from the begining of time to present day in 2 hours. The best movie ever.
After viewing it my bro and I smoked some weed then he passed out. Time seemed to stand still and/or evaporate at this point. My mind was still racing a million miles a second from the film. It had completely changed the way I thought of myself as an individual. The film challanged me to the core. So I was left sitting in the dark on a large dose of AMT all by myself. PERFECT!
At who knows when: Gradually I began to stop trying to sleep. I realized there was just no way I could pass out with so much mental activity present. I started to see outlines of what appeared to be a shadowy figure at the foot of the couch I was on. It gradually morphed into a very tall hooded shadow person who was clearly standing just a few feet ahead of me. Everytime my bro's VCR would flash 12:00 I would see his outline against the ceiling.
I was not scared though. It was definately a male entity and it seemed he was challanging me psychicly. He seemed to be non-hostile. I kept waiting for him to go away with no avail. I began to theorize that this shadow person was realy just my shadow self and that I was having an all night stare-down with that part of the self which is denied during normal waking states of consciousness. I came to terms with a lot that night. Looking back on it, it was like experiencing thousands of dollars worth of psychotherapy in just one night. A truly mystical experience!!
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