Cacti - T. pachanoi
Citation: Psilocybe. "IN The Art: An Experience with Cacti - T. pachanoi (exp26305)". Erowid.org. Aug 22, 2003. erowid.org/exp/26305
So far after trying mescaline twice, I have a vague impression of the drug's action on my psyche. The First time I tried it, I just got my san pedro cactus in the mail, and I stripped off approximately half of the green xylem (the only part that contains mescaline) and I gave it a few days to dry. I consumed this, and had a very light trip. Very dream-like, music sounded incredible, and there were slight visuals. Nothing really came out of the trip, and I was left with the vaguest impressions.
Then only 2 nights later I had a very strong urge to cut up the rest of the cactus and trip. I really donít want to say it was out of boredom, but of course I think that was a large part of it. So I took the rest of the cactus out of the refrigerator and cut it up. This time I didnít have any time to let it dry, so I put it in the blender and chopped it into a nice foamy slime.
Words cannot describe how disgusting the texture of that foam was going down my throat. The taste wasnít all that bad, but the texture, BLEH! I almost threw up several times downing the 20 ounces of nastiness. YUCK! I canít believe I was that determined to have a differentí mind-set that night. I think it was much more for negative reasons than positive ones that night. (i.e. escaping boredom of my hometown and loneliness)
Well I started feeling a little dreamy and different after I finished drinking the fluid. It took about an hour to drink so it makes sense. I then went outside to hang out with my brothers friends (Iím semi-comfortable with them socially) for a while. They were all just standing around waiting for cannabis.
One of the effects Iíve noticed of mescaline is its empathy nature involved in it. This is not similar to MDMA in my experience, because I was way, way too confused to have any ďnormalĒ conversation with anyone, but I tried my hardest to understand their emotions. Right before I abruptly left the group I was starting to trip pretty hard. Communication was getting very difficult, and I spent a good deal of time trying to understand my brotherís girlfriendís emotions. Basically cutting it down to the basics, Anger, Laughter, and Happiness. Then it became apparent I couldnít for the LIFE of me understand the social situation around me and I took that as a good cue to leave.
This left me by myself at about 12 oíclock, alone. I laid down, realizing this was going to be a full blown trip and not just a little jaunt like the trip before. It took a few minutes of thinking to condemn myself for taking a powerful psychedelic without actually DOING anything in my life to earn it. *i.e. living life, (itís been summer, Iíve been doing nothing, no work, not much social activity, I really hate it)* but that went away as quick as it came, and I sort of apologized to the drug, and I got up. No use spending this time in a negative vibe.
I wrote a few things on a little dry erase board so that my family could see. Weíre not a tight family at all. I wrote something along the lines of ďletís help lift each others sprits as a familyĒ. It was VERY strange to note that I couldnít for the life of me remember what the word family meant. I didnít know if I spelt it right, then I all out couldnít even remember what the word meant. I think that is an extremely frank sign that Iím lacking in that part of my life. This is pretty obvious sober, I just tend to avoid the thought. I believe family is a very important part of life; part of the basics, and when youíre missing it, your missing a very important part of life. I ended up hiding the marker board and not posting it, after writing some more personal things on it.
The thing about san pedro is that it feels so much different than any psychedelic Iíve ever tried. Probably because itís a phenalyphalamine (sp?) more related to MDMA then Mushrooms or LSD. But itís such a dreamy feeling, I can honestly say that It could take the cake for the best drug induced music perception. Everything just feels like a dream. Itís very easy to relax and just chill out, unlike Mushrooms or LSD, where I constantly feel driven by thoughts or uncomfortableness, or just plain wiredness.
I then went up to my room and drew. This was part of the reason for taking the mescaline anyway. To draw on my completely white walls. About a month prior (after LSD inspiration) I tore down my wallpaper, took my bed out, and took all my furniture out, to try to have the least amount of possessions possible. So now my blank walls as a huge canvas in front of me, I wanted to paint my story. Unfortunately I donít have much pride in my life in my hometown (I really hate it) so the art I did on mescaline totally brought it out. I was in tears for almost the whole duration.
*At college I have finally found a large degree of happiness, just at home I had a horrible childhood, and it brings me back to the negative feelings when Iím in my hometown. A bad, bad association.*
I learned a lot about artwork that night. I consider myself musically ďgiftedĒ compared to my written art ability. I frankly think I suck at tangible artwork. But I realized as I was drawing, that I was becoming fully enveloped in the art. I was living completely in the moment and every inch of the lines off the pencil had meaning. There was no thinking at all, it was simply EMOTION to PAPER. This was an astounding revelation for me, how much raw emotion could be put into a piece of artwork. Because Iíve always been inhibited in my artwork Iíve never felt it. Itís safe to say, Iíve never felt so artistic in my life. When I finished my drawing on one wall I stood back to look at it, and it was truly eerie.
It was something resembling what Iíve looked at in Standlov Groffís LSD Therapy book. It was a picture of my hands (I envisioned the face but didnít draw it) surrounded by a vaginal wall. My hands had spider webs on them. It was evident that Iíve been trying to push out of this ďvaginaĒ for some time now. Iím trying to be on my own more and more. It was a both depressing and wonderful image at the same time, I was amazed at how perfectly it symbolized my struggle to be free from my mother. The fact that I didnít think once while drawing it, and now there was this gorgeous piece of artwork in front of me boggled my mind! I was quite amazed.
I continued drawing, at one point turning off all the lights, except for my headlamp which was quite cool. I was all over the place, on the floor, upside down, on my knees, it was a VERY creative experience. After a few hours I knew it was time to end the painting of my room. And I did. With a final sketch of my old bong (which came out without me thinking it), and next to the bowl pack I wrote in huge letters: ďthe torch of HOPEĒ On a side note, I quit smoking weed some time ago, but I found this drawing hilarious. My bong was part of some very good times Iíve had in my life, and it was good to see it immortalized in my walls.
The rest of the night was engulfed in music and thinking. Another thing I noticed of mescaline is the extreme positivity about myself. I was very happy with myself, admiring the ďvibeĒ I present in social situations. It was a very pleasant time. I wouldnít say it was megalomania, I think it was just some overdue good compliments about myself. I also thought of the people that meant the most to me (at the time, you can almost count them all on one hand. Iíve been far too socially isolated lately, and Iím starting to feel it.)
I spent the morning looking for a lost cat (thereís signs all around my neighborhood) Because I saw a cat fitting the description a little earlier in my trip. I felt a search like this could connect my neighborhood. I felt a strong urge to have everyone in my neighborhood connected, and the thought of this ever happening felt really good. Even though the reality of it is quite dim.
Iíd have to say I am very excited to try tripping with a friend on this substance. It seems like a VERY good drug to be with a good friend on, or a drug to patch up family situations. I think this substance has a lot of potential. (As if the Native Americanís need anyone to tell them that) Unfortunately I didnít feel any afterglow, and felt very lethargic afterwards. The experience also mimics a dream in the way the memory fleets from my mind. Itís only a few days after it, and Iím already having trouble remembering a lot from it.
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