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When I Understood
Ecstasy
by OlibusM
Citation:   OlibusM. "When I Understood: An Experience with Ecstasy (exp25811)". Erowid.org. Aug 4, 2003. erowid.org/exp/25811

 
DOSE:
  joints/cigs smoked Cannabis (plant material)
  1 tablet oral MDMA (pill / tablet)

BODY WEIGHT: 155 lb


I write this because I feel the need to explain what happened to me, to let others know what changed me and how.

I will also say I have taken E only once so far and this is a recollection of that one time. Anyways onward with the story of what happened.

My friend Dan had been trying to get me to try e for months. He had never done it, but he was really interested to try it. I on the other hand, like with most new drugs, was always a bit wary and skeptical. Yet, eventually, after much research, I decided to risk it and try the drug and see what happens. I had heard nothing but good stories about it. I should also mention that the catalyst if you were was that our dealer had got a hold of some mild E. Mild in the sense that it was just E and had no speed or other things in it.

So my friend and I got the pills from our dealer and then headed to the park. We smoked a joint of marijuana first that we rolled and then after that went to my friends car and each at the same time took our pills. We then headed back to my friends house and waited for the effects to kick in.

When we got back to the house we just decided to sit around and watch TV and see what happens. I grew impatient of course, and after an hour was starting to wonder if it would ever really kick in. My friend seemed rather complacent though, well I was getting more and more impatient.

Yet, at around the 1:15 mark I knew something was happening. Since I had done different drugs before, I knew when I was feeling different, and I could tell I was defiantly feeling different. It came in waves. I would feel this feeling more and more and it got stronger and stronger. After about 15 minutes I was quickly on my way to the peak time. My friend and I decided then now would be a good time to head to my house. We could chill there with more comfort and less worries. We had his sister drive us, and the ride was incredible. I started to notice things I had forgotten about. About the world at large, about everything. My mind was going off in so many directions that it was amazing.

When we got to my house, we thanked my friend's sister and then proceeded to go to my front porch to just chill and see what happened. This is where things started to get extremely interesting, and I will explain why.

I have done numerous drugs, and had very high expectations of E, but it was at this point that everything was shattered. All barriers were broken. Nothing, I mean NOTHING could prepare me for what happened. No drug I had ever done was affecting me like this one was.

When my friend and I started talking, it was amazing. I realized so many things about myself in those long hours of talk. I mean, I knew throughout it all what the drug was doing to me, but it was helping me understand. I was learning! Something I never expected. Learning about myself.

I had forgotten over the years, or maybe not forgotten, but had blinded myself more and more to life. To living. I was being EMOTIONAL. I wanted to cry, I wanted to laugh, and I wanted to live. I understood. I remembered.

It's very hard to put into words, but I will say at this point in my life I have been more negative then even I assumed. I had let so much shit get in the way of my life, and when on this I understood and most importantly remembered. Remembered that its okay to cry, that its okay to talk, and that its okay to be me. That I should stop caring about all that stupid shit, that I should just learn to chill, to relax, to live, love, and be loved.

I felt like a rebirth, like a completely unexpected understanding of myself. Nothing like this had ever happen on any other drug I had done, and it was amazing.

I should also say it was very emotional to me. Like I said, I learned a lot about myself, and as I learned this it made me very sad. It was very intense and personal at times, and sometimes I would just sit there and feel the tears on the brims of my eyes just fall down my face, and as they fell I would smile and understand.

As the night wore down we smoke some more marijuana, took a walk, and just chilled. The rest of the experience was very rewarding and relaxing and very interesting.

To sum it all up, I learned a lot. I learned a lot about myself, and I feel it has made me happier. The next day I woke up feeling alive for the first time in a long time. Alive with the emotions and the love that I had Shunned and forgotten about. I still have much work to do on myself, but the e helped me on the path to understanding and to seeing clearer then I have in years.

Exp Year: 2003ExpID: 25811
Gender: Male 
Age at time of experience: Not Given 
Published: Aug 4, 2003Views: 9,460
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MDMA (3) : Small Group (2-9) (17), Glowing Experiences (4), First Times (2)

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Experience Reports are the writings and opinions of the individual authors who submit them.
Some of the activities described are dangerous and/or illegal and none are recommended by Erowid Center.


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