Citation: Way. "Ascending Into Insanity: An Experience with 5-MeO-DMT (exp25408)". Erowid.org. Jul 19, 2003. erowid.org/exp/25408
Monday, July 14th 2003 23:00
Dose: unknown amount sublingually, large amount smoked
Set: This is my second time smoking 5-MeO-DMT in 5 days. It's been about a month and half before that. Life has just been going on - nothing spectacular and nothing dismal. Last time I smoked it I was with my girlfriend S and I didn't have quite as much as I would have liked, which probably contributed to me putting so much in the pipe this time. I've taken 360mg of Yohimbe bark 2 hours beforehand, and 360mg more an hour later, along with 50mg of 5-HTP.
Setting: I am at my best friend R's house, in the bathroom. I've drawn a bath and lit a three-wicked candle for ambient light. R's father J is the only other person home.
Report: [T-15:00] I go the bathroom and vigorously brush my teeth, preparing the oral mucosa for the sublingual dose I will be taking. I light the candle, hit the switch and make sure the lighting is to my liking.
[T-12:00] There is some 5-MeO-DMT stuck on a metal implement. I lick it off and immediately notice the now familiar taste. I mix it with my saliva and let the juice flow freely through my mouth. I try to make sure it coats every surface.
[T-10:00] By the flickering candlelight I lower myself into the bathtub to begin my pre-trip preparation. I let the heat sink into my body, loosening my muscles and speeding blood through my system. I lock the door, but then unlock it thinking better of it; I am in the bathtub after all. The sublingual dose is still in my mouth and several minutes after entering the tub I swallow it. I rinse my body off with the hot water. I splash it over my face and it feels good, washing away the remains of the day. Having cleaned the sweat and grime from my organism I simply lay there relaxing. I think about the moment I'll put the pipe to my lips, heat it and inhale. Immediately my heart rate jumps, as it always does when that thought comes to mind. Like McKenna says, no one goes to the ashram with their knees knocking, but with these substances they sure do. I center myself and focus my mind on what is to come. I check the water level and being the paranoid individual I am I lower it 3 inches - I have no desire to be another D.M. Turner.
[T+0:00] I turn the incandescent lamp back on so that I can see when the substance turns from liquid crystal to pungent wisp. I operate the smoking device in the manner found to be most effective. I hungrily inhale the vapor, losing just two miniscule puffs I fill my lungs to their fullest.
[T+0:15] As soon as I have emptied the pipe I set it down and shut off the light, already feeling it passing the blood-brain barrier. I am at the doorway to The Void again. I am still in the water. I feel my inebriation grow stronger and stronger, so very quickly. I can tell this is going to be an extremely strong trip. My survival meta-program kicks in while I still have some connection to consensus reality and I get out of the tub to lie on the floor. I keep going further and further into The Void, so quickly, so very quickly. After about 5 seconds of lying down I lose all connection to the world of cars and computers, people and places. The universe is a chaotic maelstrom of sounds, feelings and imagery as I ascend into insanity. Before my ego is completely crushed I feel panic and the most intense fear I have ever borne set in. I feel that I've done it this time - I've killed my organism with my drug habits and presently this consciousness will go dark, my path unfinished, my destiny to remain in samsara. I'm pretty sure at this point I started screaming and writhing, but I can't be very sure as I was completely non-functional. My intuition tells me this space is the one directly before The Void - the white out - I experienced when I combined I.M. 5-MeO-DMT with smoked 5-MeO-DMT.
[T+???] At some point I began to hear J's voice, although I couldn't comprehend what he was saying at first. I don't know how many times he called to me before his words wormed their way into my consciousness. I'm sure hearing his human voice helped bring me back to this dimension. He was asking if I needed help. I heard him call out 4 or 5 times before I could articulate a simple response, 'Yes J, come help.' It was very hard to make that sentence, but I know it was necessary to assuage his fears and to help myself find my way back. I'm sure I seemed a mess when he opened the door on me, naked on the floor in a fetal crouch. I got up, still confused, and began walking around the house dazed and stooped over. At this point I saw the most amazing visuals of my life, but only for seconds and then they were gone. J closed the blinds and asked if I was having a bad trip or something. I simply replied, 'Yeah,' which was the best I could muster at the time. He suggested I lay down in R's room for a while. I went in there for 2 minutes or so, long enough that I could function better, converse and so forth, but short enough I was still tripping pretty good.
I dried off and gathered my boxers from the bathroom. It looked like a disaster area. Bottles were knocked over, towels were in the bathtub, and the floor was covered in some more towels all strewn with no sense to them.
I went out to the living room where J was. I reassured him I was alright and that he had done well. He is a worrier, so I wanted to make him feel better because I know I scared him. I sat out there about 20 minutes talking with him, about the drug, my experience and whatever else. I'm sure it made him feel better and showed him I was OK. I had known I was OK as soon as I stood up after he opened the door; I was back in my body. Once again death was in my head, not my heart. Hopefully when my body does die my mind will be ready.
[T+8:00] The next morning I awoke with a sore neck. Since I can think of nothing else that would have caused it from the day before I must attribute it to this experience. I suspect I probably rolled around on my head a bit while I was writhing on the floor, but with no outside observation it is impossible to confirm or deny this.
Summary: I know I keep saying this, but amazing as the smoked experience is it simply goes by too quickly. I know there is far more to be learned from this compound than I currently am. As soon as I can I plan to take it as a psuedohuasca to see if I can coax its secrets from it in a more digestible form. I will give it this; it blows my mind every time and keeps revealing new vistas. I know my explorations into this drug's realms are far from complete and that's just fine with me.
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