Citation: Anonymous. "Dependence is a Bitch: An Experience with Amphetamine (Adderall) (exp2505)". Erowid.org. Sep 8, 2000. erowid.org/exp/2505
For the past couple months, I have spent much time with the amphetamine-like drug Adderall. The first time I took the drug, I was at school and it was during finals (I took 30mg). I had only rolled on one occasion at that point and I had the time of my life that day speeding my way through the finals. I failed both of the finals I took that day (too focused, couldn’t finish) but I didn’t care cause I was so deep in euphoria and I felt so good about myself. On this occasion, I felt no after effects or withdrawal.
Over the next month, I slowly started using the drug more often. I wasn’t taking higher doses, just more often. I liked the euphoria and the appetite suppression. The quality about the drug I liked best was that I could be myself around girls that might have intimidated me before.
On one occasion, I used the drug 6 days in a row. By the 6th day, the effects were diminished and I ended up crashing. At first, I didn’t mind the crash because I told myself it was worth the high.
Because of my tolerance with the drug, I decided that I would wait a couple days between usage and that I would up the dosage. I moved on to 60 mgs a dose and then 120mgs at a time. And with the higher dosages, I started crashing hard. The relationship I had gotten myself into on the drug only made the matters worse when I would crash and then I would feel like I couldn’t be myself around that person without the drug. I wanted the relationship to work out so badly that I would use high doses of the drug often. When the relationship ended, it was hell. The drug gave me a lot of anxiety, much of which still exist. As social as I had been when I was speeding, I was twice as anti.
The worst part about this drug is that I became so dependent without even realizing it. Once I experienced the euphoria, I quickly felt as though I was boring and not myself without it. Ordinary life seemed slow and dull and I felt like I couldn’t be around people sober because I wasn’t interested in anything and talking to people required much effort. I wasn’t natural, as it had been before with aderall.
Aderall is a dangerous drug. Don’t let the prescription bottle fool you. I have gone 4 days since the last time I've used it and I feel like total shit. I haven't left the house for 3 days and I feel horrible. All I want is some more of the drug but I know that if I use it, i'll only feel ten billion times worse when it wears off. Pot helps some but I still feel very boring. I just wish I had never tried the drug cause I feel antisocial as all get out and I have rediscovered my notion that I am incompatible. Adderall catches up with you.
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