Cacti - T. pachanoi & MDMA
Citation: Murple. "Pedro and Adam Go Raving: An Experience with Cacti - T. pachanoi & MDMA (exp2373)". Erowid.org. Jul 13, 2000. erowid.org/exp/2373
Date: August 13, 1998 at 00:35:22
This is a dream I had the night of Saturday, July 25, 1998... I regret not writing this up weeks ago, because now memory has faded and alot of this has blurred... but I feel the need to write about the dream anyway, because it was one of the most enjoyable, spiritual, and healing psychedelic experiences I've ever had.
Me and my friends 'B' and 'C' drove down to Winston-Salem, NC for a rave being held at the Millenium Center there, called Beyond 8. We arrived there late in the evening, around 10pm, and got a room at a high-rise luxury hotel called the Adam's Mark, which was one block away from the Millenium Center. The rave started at 10pm, but we decided to wait a while before going, having just gotten out of the car we'd been in for 6+ hours.
I brought with me one dose of San Pedro extract (extracted from 50g of dried cactus) and a pill of MDMA (double-stacked bullets, which I analyzed with Marquis reagent and, yep, turned black, so...MDMA!). While B and C took showers, I began eating gelcaps of cactus extract (around 11PM). We smoked a little hashish and kind bud, and B and C ordered some food from room service (only thing open in town, even tho it was a Friday night). At around 11:45, they finished eating and we decided to head out to the rave. Before going, I ate some more Pedro gelcaps. All total, I had a little over half a dose of extract.
As we stood in line waiting to get in, I began to feel the effects. It came on weirdly. On the one hand, I felt incredible. Mescaline has a very MDMA-like 'good mood' quality to it. I was feeling energetic, happy, and giggly. Standing in line sucked because I was so eager to get in. B and C were going to take their MDMA around 3AM and were just stoned at the time, and I kept having to remind myself that they weren't on my plane, and there was a cop standing there watching everyone, so I sort of felt as if I had to restrain myself from letting out all this energy and love and happiness I was feeling.
As it started to kick in, I began looking around at the other people in line. At first, I felt very out of place. Here I was, starting to trip on mescaline, with long hair, cutoff jeans, a t-shirt and some hippie sandals. I looked around and saw all these ravers in raver gear and probably on MDMA if anything. All of the sudden I began to feel this gulf between myself and everyone else there. I kept thinking 'I'm surrounded by plastic people.' I felt incredibly out of place. Why am I here? I don't understand this scene at all! Then this girl in front of me in line turned and smiled at me...a glimmer of some understanding flashes through my mind. We see some friends of C, who come and join us in line. This snaps me out of the whole 'why am I here?' thing.
A little after midnight, we make it in. I hit my peak right as we're going in the door. The heat in there is amazing. Its easily over 115 degrees in there! We go into the main room. My friends began dancing. I begin feeling confused. Its dark, and I try to get a feel for the layout of the room. There are these large white balls hanging from the ceiling, upon which computer generated graphics are being projected. I am entranced. The lasers and strobe lights are pretty cool too. Mescaline is much more mental and physical than tryptamines, but there is definately a visual aspect - though its very different from tryptamine visuals. I make a half-hearted attempt at dancing, but am much more interested in just watching things. One of C's friends comes up to me and notices I'm high. He assumes I'm on MDMA, and I explain I'm on mescaline and he says 'Wow, thats cool!' All of the sudden, something clicks.
I can't put it into words, but all of the sudden, the whole scene snapped into sharp focus. I know why everyone is here, including myself. I look around me and see a religious event taking place. This dancing is a form of moving meditation, an expression of the divine Now. I had always been somewhat put off by some aspects of rave/club culture, mainly the apparant 'attitude' people can put off in their dress and demeanor. I finally saw through this, and saw that it wasnt based on any kind of ego-centricity. These are good people. I understand this scene, I feel bathed in communal love. I go up to B and C and tell them 'I just want you to know I understand this!' B asks me what I mean, and I tell her 'I just GET this. I'll try to explain later.'
We spend the next 2 1/2 hours alternating between dancing and going to stand by the door to cool off or smoke a cigarette. The whole time, I just try to absorb the scene. I felt the mescaline VERY strongly. I go up to B and tell her 'You know, I say I can't dance to this kind of music, but I'm full of shit, I probably could, I'm just self conscious.' A little while later, while we are smoking a cigarette, I grab both of their hands and tell them 'I love you guys, you're two of my best friends.'
Around 3AM, Rabbit In The Moon came on. B and C each took a pill of MDMA. I took 1/2 of a pill about a half hour later. Rabbit In The Moon's set is incredibly visual - and the music is pretty psychedelic as well. This set was at the height of the mescaline's effects, and was also the set I most wanted to see.
Usually MDMA hits me very hard, which is why I dont usually take it in public places. Often, during the 'rush' phase, all I am capable of is curling up in a fetal position, not talking. This time, the MDMA crept up very gradually. The San Pedro seemed to serve as a buffer... the MDMA's effects just seemed to fade into focus, enhancing the mescaline. The combined effect was very good - mescaline feels alot like MDMA as it is, and the MDMA seemed to mainly bring out certain MDMA-like effects of the cactus. C and B were rolling now, and I felt real good about that. Now we're all on the same level! Well, more or less :) This just enhances my sense of communion with them and the crowd as a whole.
We spent the next few hours alternating between dancing, cooling off, smoking cigarettes, and having group hugs. B and C each ate a second pill of MDMA around 4:30 or 5am, I was still good from the combined phenethylamine punch.
Random strangers would come up and give us hugs, and we formed a circle of about 10-15 people, some of whom I dont think any of us knew, and none of who's names I learned...but we engaged in group hugs, shared cigarettes, etc. I noticed when people would bump into me accidentally, they would say 'sorry' or 'excuse me', as they would anywhere else, but would follow it up with a hug or a pat. I was blown away by the niceness of people there and the feeling of group love - this is something that went beyond just group consciousness, there was a strong feel of love as well as unity. The rave is a modern day agape, in the truest sense.
This overwhelming feeling of love, fueled by mescaline and MDMA, also takes on a more mundane aspect. I keep telling C and B how much I love them, and what good friends they are. There had also been some issues with me and my friend B recently... I liked her alot, and she only saw us as friends, and there had been some tension for a while. I went up to her and said 'I'm glad you put up with my shit, and we're still friends', and she smiled and gave me a hug. Later on, after sunrise, I turned around while dancing and saw her kissing a guy she'd been dancing with. On the one hand, I felt an almost physical pain go through my heart, but then I was able to see her with the eyes of a friend, and was able to be truly happy for her.
The rave finally ended around 8am, and we wandered back to our hotel room. B took a shower, and while she did, C and I drank about 3ml of butanediol. When B got out, C went to take his shower. While he was in the shower, B and I got on the topic of the guy she met, and I told her 'I'm happy for you.' A minute or 2 later she asked 'Are you really happy for me?' and I said 'Well, I'm a little jealous for myself, but yeah I'm really happy for you.' This led to a discussion about the tensions we'd had between us, and ended in us hugging and telling each other what good friends we are. I was still feeling the San Pedro and MDMA quite strongly, and she still felt some effects from the MDMA, so I think this was a very healing thing. C got out of the shower, and I went in. After I got out, we smoked some hash and some pot, and we all did a little butanediol, and we stayed up until around 11am talking. I felt incredibly close to both of them. These truly are 2 of my best friends ever. Finally around 11am, we turned out the lights, shut the curtains, and fell hard asleep.
The combined effects of mescaline and MDMA were incredible. It was like a typical mescaline trip, but with all the MDMA-like qualities dramatically enhanced. The mescaline also seemed to buffer the MDMA come-on, making it more gentle and gradual, with the two drugs melding their effects into a warm, fuzzy trip. It felt really really good. It was also a very deep trip... I learned what raves are about, for one - I'd been to a good number of them before, but now I *understood* them. I felt an incredible sense of communion and love with complete strangers, which is always a good experience. I felt an even stronger sense of love and unity with my friends, another good thing to experience as often as possible. And B and I had a very healing talk, something which was needed. This combination was not only very fun, but also very spiritually profound. I definately would like to have a dream like this again!
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