Citation: Judo. "Trying to get Caught in the Rye: An Experience with Cannabis (exp22454)". Erowid.org. Jun 2, 2007. erowid.org/exp/22454
It all started on night last summer(2002). I had just graduated. My friend called me up and asked if I wanted to go out with him and two other guys and chill or smoke a bowl. Now up until this point, I had smoked several times throughout highschool, beginning in 10th grade. I only smoked when close friends provided it, no more than 3 times a year. Up until that point, weed was nothing special, but that night, I experienced bliss. Throughout highschool I had a hard time fitting in with one group of people and tended to gravitiate towards different cliques at the same time. I honestly beleive that last summer, when I got high, it was a completely different experience than it had been before.
I hadn't smoked in about a year, turning it down at numerous parties for fear of messing up my seratonin levels. (Now that I look back on it, I realize that was crazy because when used responsibly, it can only help seratonin levels, i.e. depression and mood.) I finally decided to throw caution to the winds and take a hit.
My friend and his two friends picked me up and the four of us drove to a nearby neighborhood. They started talking about some girl they knew and I withdrew from the conversation, not knowing who she was or really caring. They whipped out the bong and we packed a bowl. I took a hit and didn't think anything of it. A couple minutes later it hit me. My entire world opened up before my eyes. I started to think about my life and everything that had happened to me over the last year. I became so incredibly happy about my life, and the more I thought about it, the happier I got. I kept on thinking tangentally. I would think of something and my mind would go off on a huge tangent, only to think of something else and have it happen all over again. I started talking. I don't remember what about, but it was as if everything was suddenly in perspective and I began to think of all the positive things in my life. I realized that the three of us were hanging out and smoking bowls. I realized that these guys just wanted to chill. I became aware of this paranoia I had previously had, and I was finally able to discard it.
I soon began to do this every week, which became every couple days, which became every day the last two weeks of summer. I started listening to Led Zeppelin and Bob Marley and suddenly understood what they were talking about. Everything made sense. I understood everything about weed culture by just thinking about it. I would wake up and drive around until I found a good spot. Then I'd smoke a bowl and drive around all day, watching people and thinking. I told myself I would stop smoking when school started, but that was far from the case.
I went the first couple days of school without smoking, and it was rough. I felt depressed and a little weird around my friends. Then I started smoking again and that all went away. I found that even after the night I smoked, I experienced that residual effect, where I was still in a relaxed state of mind. That quarter, I smoked at least one time a day, sometimes 4 or even 5. I pledged a fraternity for the first couple weeks. The first week of school, my routine was this: go to class, smoke a bowl, head down to the house. Whenever I went to the house I was high and they all knew it. We joked about it. One night on the way back from a date party, I stopped to get a bite to eat close to my dorms. There was a guy there that was rushing my house. I didn't know him, but he knew me. He tried to say hi and I didn't recognize him. The short end of it is we got into a fight over retarded crap, he walked off and I got caught. Because of the heat, I got kicked out of the frat.
Towards the end of the quarter, I took 2 and 3 day breaks to study, but I was clearly addicted. I began to notice that I wasn't even getting high anymore. I would just get high and watch movies or play on my computer all day. I studied a total of 5 hours, but weed seemed to be a great way to start of a Thurseday or Friday night. I'd smoke a bowl, call up my friends, and go from there. The wierd thing was that most of my friend didn't even smoke, and if they did, they did it very irregularly. I began to notice though, that I was hanging out with those friends that did smoke on a regular basis.
2nd quarter started and I told myself I'd quit for at least a couple of weeks, thinking it would be easy. I went 2 weeks and one night, smoked with my friend at 1am without even thinking about the promise I'd made to myself. I smoked a couple times a day for the next 4 days. At this point, I didn't get nearly as high as I used to, but I was so set in my ways that it didn't matter. I was running from my insecurities and I thought weed was the only thing that could help me. I'd hang out with friends and smoke bowls for days. Then I'd get so depressed when I stopped that I started crying and called my mom just to talk. This went on for about 8 weeks, until I made the ingenious decision to smoke in my dorm room. My friend and I had just smoked two joints, drank 3 beers, and take a soma a piece. We heard a knock and opened the door only to find 3 RA's and 2 cops. Well, suffice to say, compounded with my previous incident, this was the last straw, and I am now suspended from my school for one quarter.
I finally took the initiative to quit smoking. I fully intend to smoke again in the future, but for now I have to sort out my life and come to terms with myself. I totally abused weed and thought that it was the only way I could have a good time. I was addicted to having a good time. Even when it wasn't appealing anymore, I continued to smoke because I was so blind to reality. I realize now that I could have had a better time without it many nights, but that doesn't matter. The moral of the story is: weed is wonderful, but only when used responsibly.
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