DOSE:

1.3 hits

oral

LSD

(blotter / tab)

I did acid for the second time over the weekend. It was of course a remarkable experience which words are inadequate to describe, but I was astonished at how different it was from last time. I'm interested in advice from experienced trippers as to whether what I experienced is common or anything to worry about.

My first trip, a couple of months ago, was 1 1/2 tabs of what was probably averagely strong acid. We stayed indoors the whole time listening to music and watching things melt etc. It was a totally pleasant experience. The visuals came on almost as soon as it kicked in and there was at all times a sense that 'I' was there in the middle of it all, watching all the groovy stuff going on around me.

On the latter occasion we (I was in different company) took 1 1/3 tabs each of some pretty strong acid in the afternoon and went outside for some things to look at. This was the first time I ventured outdoors on acid and I got rather paranoid at times. I felt that just sitting there looking at the trees and clouds was suspicious (I'm still not sure if it wasn't!) and that some cop or other authority figure would question us. This was compounded, or perhaps even induced, by a period during which one mischievous aspect of my personality transplanted the faces of people I knew onto passers-by.

The biggest difference was in my mental state. The visuals took longer to come on (maybe because when it kicked in I was still walking to my destination?) and at times were more threatening. They could get pretty impressive though! I also got distinct tracers, mingled in with trails from birds and insects. But all this was getting hard to concentrate on because my mind was reeling. While I was peaking time was sliding around in a deeply weird way. 'I' was outside it and could marvel at this phenomenon and wonder how to describe it. My personality later 'fragmented' into a myriad of alter egos I never knew I had, some of which I got to meet face to face looking in a mirror later on. (I might describe these in another posting if anyone's interested.) The personalities, some of which were disturbingly dark and sinister, were 'battling' for control. 'I' was in some higher mental state (cliche!), able to experience this conflict, but still at risk of losing control if I lost my mental battles. The thoughts rushing around in my head weren't what you'd normally experience as thoughts, they had their own autonomy, as if they were alive independently of my mind. The mental struggle was exhausting - I was experiencing my mind 'raw' and unfiltered. In this state it was natural to be thinking multiple trains of thought or experiencing multiple consciousnesses simultaneously. Maybe that's what it's like to be schizophrenic. I began to wonder if I was having a bad trip. My conclusion was that I probably wasn't as this wasn't really nightmarish, I wasn't freaking out or breaking down or anything. It was just mentally tiring, and I wanted to relax and fully enjoy the visuals.

I found two mantras helpful, should anyone find themselves in a similar situation. For public situations, 'they don't know you're tripping until you tell them', and for when things got really intense, 'it's just the drug fucking with your mind'. Sometimes I had to repeat this one over and over to myself before I could regain control.

Later we got back home. On the way I was pleased to sense that I had 'won' my battles and by the time we arrived the personalities were gradually merging back into one. Now at last I could enjoy the hallucinations listening to ambient music. I was still frying a bit 14 hours after dropping.

So what caused all this mental turmoil, and will it happen again? Was I having a bad trip? There are two possibilities: first, the stress of being outdoors must have had an effect. Second, I was smoking loads of pot this time, unlike the other, and pot tends to make my mind race a bit when I'm not concentrating on anything. I should add that I am normally a very stable person emotionally and seeing all these other selves was quite shocking.

But it was quite a revelation to meet these other versions of myself, and I'll be better equipped to deal with them in future, but I'm really not all that keen on going through that again. Are experiences like this common? Is the only alternative to give up acid? If I don't, what's going to happen next time?

Exp Year:	ExpID: 1980
Gender: Not Specified
Age at time of experience: Not Given
Published: Jun 20, 2000	Views: 50,468
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LSD (2) : Difficult Experiences (5), Small Group (2-9) (17)