Citation: PeteSaville. "The Honeymoon is Over: An Experience with Ecstasy, Amphetamine & Cannabis (exp18149)". Erowid.org. Aug 1, 2005. erowid.org/exp/18149
It was Saturday 10.30 pm that I dropped one ecstasy pill. Not really unusual anymore, since Iíve been taking either base-amphetamine and/or ecstasy every weekend for over 2 monthsÖbut the experience that followed has still shaken me, even now as I type this, 9.00 pm Sunday evening.
Let me tell you about the mindset first. Flashback to Friday night. I scored some base-amphetamine, and got one pill. I saved the pill, did some of the base, drank a lot of beer, had some hash.
Saturday afternoon, I woke up, felt quite ill, and a little spaced out. But not too bad. Was worth it. However, as the evening drew closer I began to feel a little exhausted, and a little paranoid (probably the a comedown from the base). I was round my best mate, Mattís house. My other mates went home, and the night looked dead already. I was annoyed because I still had my pill and a decent amount of base left.
But eventually me and Matt decided with nothing better to do, weíd go to a this guy called Benís house. The plan was to just go there, get stoned in his room, and just chill and have a quiet night. When we got to Benís I was still in a bit of a bad mood because I wouldnít be taking my pill and my base, not too mention pretty tired, groggy, and a bit spaced-out. But I just shrugged it off, it wasnít terribly bad or anything.
So, we got there about 9-ish, met Ben his mate, Nipper, and also Greg. We started smoking some bongs, etc.
Then another guy called Ed turns up, we continue smoking hash for a bit, then Ben and Nipper announce they have some pills, and intend on dropping them this night. I had my base and my one pill on me, so I thought what the hell, might as well drop with them later. Ed was also up for it, so Ben sold him one. Matt doesnít approve of ecstasy, so he wasnít interested, and announced he was going home at about 11.00 pm. Now this, for some reason really, really got to me. I was really pissed off deep down because Matt hadnít really stayed out past 11.00pm for well over a month. I began to think how boring he was, and how all he ever did was stay in all the time smoking weed. By this time, I was pretty stoned, and my thoughts became more and more like this. But I contained it.
At about 10.00pm we all go out and Ed, Nipper , Ben and myself drop the pills at about 10.30pm. I follow this with a small line of base. This is where it started to turn sour.
Physically I felt fine, I wasnít tired anymore, I was quite alert, quite awake. But when Matt asked is he could Ďgumí some of my base , something just sort of snapped in my head. I told him gumming was a shit way to do base, and did fuck all with the pathetically small doses (like 2mg!) that he Ďtookí. I said it in a subtle way however, masking my real thoughts. I offered him a line, and told him he could stay out if he did a line, because it would keep him awake. He refused, and just went back to smoking hash. I figured, fuck it, Iíll be up soon anyway on the pill.
At about 11.15 pm we all went into town to get some food. Now, pay attention, this is where it gets bad. On the way, I felt the rush from the pill. The buzzing in the back of the head, the increased sense etc. But the euphoria was virtually non-existent. I only felt slightly more happier. Walking through town was terrible. I felt extremely paranoid, anxious, nervous, and very, very sketchy. We went to a fast-food place, I was so paranoid I couldnít buy anything. I just sat at the table feeling really paranoid , people were getting very aggressive outside, it was noisy, lots of drunk people looking for fights. By this time itís about 11.45 pm.
Matt and Greg go home, but I was just too paranoid to go home, so I decide to stay out and hope the pill will get better, and snort some base. But it got worseÖIt was freezing now, and I felt so paranoid, I thought Ben, Ed and Nipper hated me, so I spoke very little, which gradually got me even more paranoid.
Eventually we decided to go back to Benís at about 12.45 am. When we got there I felt slightly calmer, but still felt very anxious and nervous.
I shared the rest of my base, and started to talk a little bit more. But after about 15 minutes I began getting paranoid again. From about 1.30 am onwards, we got through a hell of a lot of hash. I spoke very little, my thoughts were paranoid, bizarre, and my mind raced. I remember thinking all night about each of my friends in my home-town. I remember thinking that all of them hated me, and I thought up reasons why each one hated me.
But the worst feeling I had was the feeling that I just didnít belong anywhere in this world, even the universe, and I was a mistake in society (I know this may sound weird but how I felt is so difficult to put into words). When I finally got the guts to leave Benís house (about 3.30a.m), I ran all the way home. I donít remember much more, apart from feeling sick when I got home.
This morning (Sunday), I woke up, and felt very depressed. More so than my usual comedown. I still do feel very depressed now, I also (still) feel quite paranoid too. Iím starting to think some of the things I thought last night made sense. I keep asking myself, what if my friends really donít like me?
This is my first bad experience with any amphetamine, but it really has made me think seriously about my amphetamine use. Something went seriously wrong with my head yesterday, and Iím still not sure what exactly caused it, which scares me. Iím not sure if itís the fact Iíve been doing base and ecstasy for every weekend for the past couple of months, but Iím sure that is not helping matters. My friend Joe (whoís much more experienced than myself) said to me today I probably need a break, and sounded a bit concerned. So, Iím going to give it a rest for a couple of weeks, see how I feel.
I just want to finish by saying a couple of things:
Firstly, ecstasy and other amphetamines (e.g.base) are hyped-up to be these crazy drugs (mainly by the media) that bring on effects whatever the mood, mindset, whereabouts etc. This is not the case.
Donít get me wrong , ecstasy is a strong drug, as is base, but it very much depends on your mindset, and overall mental health etc. They arenít as crazy as youíd think, they can be more subtle, which leads to people over-doing it because they expect more due to the hype. I have to be really careful, the effects arenít always that obvious. I think Iíve fallen into that trap, gradually Iíve become completely different; I listen to completely different music, I see things from a different perspective, and now I think itís getting to me. Iíve finally stopped to consider this (and my weight, Iím looking increasingly thin), and now Iím not too sure about ecstasy or base anymore.
Iíve had some great times on amphetamines, but I think now maybe the honeymoon is overÖ
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