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Special Case of Drug Testing in the Military
Mushrooms, Cocaine & Cannabis
by Greg
Citation:   Greg. "Special Case of Drug Testing in the Military: An Experience with Mushrooms, Cocaine & Cannabis (exp17877)". May 18, 2006.


I used to be in the Untied States Air Force (a terrible experience, to say the least) and I had quite a few experiences with drugs. I ate mushrooms a couple of times while I was in the Air Force, and so did a lot of my friends. This is a narration of a trip that I witnessed a friend have.

One night we obtained some mushrooms, cannabis, and cocaine through our usual channels, and went to a friend's hotel (her mother owned it, so her house was inside of it) and stayed there. My friends ate some mushrooms and did the other drugs, but I decided not to. Good thing I decided such, as you will see later. Anyway, my friends will be referenced as Pubes (USAF, a nickname gotten from a shroom experience), Bumbly (USAF, another nickname), Tweak (USMC, a marine who is now in jail for doing and selling methamphetamines), and Smelly (USAF, the star of the show, who had rather rancid feet).

All of the above mentioned people ingested shrooms at around 8PM somewhere in the month of April (I don't remember the exact date) and everything was going great. Everyone was having a lot of fun, but Smelly seemed to be a little bit spaced out. One of the girls at the hotel had the bright idea of telling him to go take a shower, so he hopped in the shower with all of his clothes on. This is where the trip started to go awry.

Smelly exposed himself to Tweak and Pubes after getting out of the shower, and then began to tear his underarm hear out and throw it at people. He started talking about 'him' and that 'he' was in the house, upstairs, so everyone decided to take a walk.

It was rather cold in Monterey, California at that time (we were stationed at DLI, learning languages) and Smelly's clothes were soaked from the shower. He was walking around the street screaming random things like, 'supercalifra...fuck, I forgot the line'. He told us that he was in a movie and if he said the right line the movie would be over. He looked over at Tweak and said 'You're Matt Damon and I'm Ben Afleck!' and started talking about more random things, screaming at the top of his lungs.

Smelly then removed his jacket and threw it on the ground. He started running full speed into the night and everyone lost him. The next day he told us that he thought that if he just walked or ran in a straight line he would get 'there' and it would be over.

Smelly ended up running straight into a wall and knocking himself unconscious. He later woke up and started trying to eat a plant. He was in the parking lot of a bank, soaking wet, and it was the middle of the night. He decided he was very cold so he walked across the street to a real-estate building and tried to kick the door in, leaving a dark boot print on the it. Then he took one of his boots off and threw it through the middle pane of the window and tried to get through. He realized it was too high so he threw his other boot through the bottom pane and climbed in.

Once inside, he disrobed and sat at one of the desks. There was a large desk calendar and he began to write on it. He wrote 'I am' a number of times on the calendar. He then got his clothes back on and left the building. One of his friends then saw him and gave him a ride back to base. When going through the gate, he realized that he didn't have his ID with him and so he had to be signed on to the base.

The next day the police came into the dormitory with Smelly's ID. It turns out that he had left the ID inside of the building (it must have fell out of his pants) and they were there to question him. They looked at his boots, and they matched the pattern on the door and then he said that he didn't remember anything from the night before.

One of the Airmen on base said that he had been doing mushrooms that night, so they submitted him to a special drug test. They don't test for mushrooms on a random drug test, but they did a special one for him. They also tested Pubes and Bumbly, but somehow Tweak was left out of the story. I had nothing to worry about as I did not do anything that night.

Smelly and Pubes both tested positive for mushrooms, but Bumbly had a problem with his drug test at the lab, so it never came back. Smelly was later discharged from the Air Force under General Discharge with Honorable Conditions and Pubes is attending his courts-martial as we speak. Pubes got a courts-martial because he also failed another drug test and withheld information during the first case (which I respect him for).

It was a crazy experience that changed all of our lives, and we will never forget it. I am glad that I am out of the USAF now, and I hope that Pubes is OK and doesn't get jail time.

Exp Year: 2002ExpID: 17877
Gender: Male 
Age at time of experience: Not Given 
Published: May 18, 2006Views: 7,553
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Mushrooms (39), Drug Testing (59) : Second Hand Report (42), Train Wrecks & Trip Disasters (7), Small Group (2-9) (17)

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