Citation: Lunapapa. "God of My Own Universe?: An Experience with Controlled Breathing & GBL Withdrawal (exp13908)". Erowid.org. Oct 2, 2015. erowid.org/exp/13908
I had been taking 2,3H Furanone Di-Hydro for about 7 months straight, in alarmingly increasing dosages. I was dosing every 2-4 hours (4 when sleeping, 2 when awake.) The potion was supposed to metabolize into GHB. (If you happen to find yourself in this situation, please immediately start weening yourself off of it. To certain people, GHB is ridiculously addictive, and the withdrawals are worse than crystal meth, opiates or benzoes. Trust me.) I also had been taking ritalin for ADHD, smoking pot fairly regularly, and smoking Salvia much less often.
The inevitable finally happened. I ran out of G. It was another couple of days before the next shipment would arrive. (It was being sold legally over the net at this time.) A major withdrawal symptom, a strange tingling in my chest which wanted to be violently scratched appeared. I was very very thirsty. Also, I had agreed to babysit my sister's kids this evening. To try and calm my nerves, I smoked a bowl of marijuana, and headed up to my sis' house.
All went fine with the kids, and I put them to bed at about 8pm. Lying down in the living room, I closed my eyes and tried to relax. My thoughts danced around my conception of my place in reality. Previous experiences with mushrooms, along with my interpretation of quantum mechanics principles, left me with the notion that belief is primary to manifestation; that consciousness itself determines physical reality. With this as an assumed fact, I pondered my life and what I could do with it. My internal dialogue became increasingly excited at the prospect that I was *FREE*, able to do *whatever* I wanted in life. Truly anything was possible.
At this point, another party joined the forum in my head, my old friend Sally-(The feminine voice I heard after smoking Salvia divinorum.) She applauded me for finally realizing the true scope of my powers. I was thrilled. She mentioned that I am actually not a 'small-g-god' of the universe as I had suspected, but was instead the 'capital-G-God', capable of anything I wished. To live the rest of eternity entirely according to my wishes, I had but one small task: to 'put my money' where my belief was. I needed to prove that I had complete faith in my own consciousness' supremacy over matter. How, I wondered to myself and Sally? Why, it's simple! Just hold your breath for longer than you should physically be able to! She replied.
Of course. It was all so simple. Finally all of my esoteric ideas would be vindicated and I would have it all, after this one little test. I smiled, took a deep breath, and HELD it. Sally cheered me on. I kept on keeping on, felt weak, gasp, couldn't hold it, release, inhale, exhale heavily. Damn. I was disappointed, but still game. Sally felt the same way. I began to hyperventilate in preparation of my next attempt. Maybe that was cheating, but it was *my* world, wasn't it? I held my breath for so long that everything I could see disappeared, to be replaced by an electrical green spark right about where my nose used to be. I felt that this was the doorway, this green electric spark was the key to success. (Sally told me so. She said I needed to pull it from my nose into my third eye.)
Using nothing but willpower, I pushed, pulled, shoved that little green spot from my nose to my forehead. I felt the electricity inside the spot, I felt my skull bend as I guided it towards its destination in my third eye. I was getting closer and closer. Sally was enthusiastic. But at the last moment, failure. I exploded, gasping desperately for air. This time I had to breathe normally for several minutes before things begain to look 'right' again. I was getting depressed. Sally was laughing at me. Things weren't going as I had expected. Also, everything suddenly looked a lot bigger than it used to. Shaken but undaunted, I made another attempt, this time without hyperventilating. I couldn't even move the green dot - could barely evoke it at that. Defeated and depressed, I lay on the floor listening to Sally laugh at me.
Resigned to the fact that my will was not equal to the task, I endured Sally's amusement at this silly simian holding his breath for Godhood. She explained to me that, while very entertaining, there was absolutely no need for me to transcend physical reality in this way. Relieved, I asked why. She replied that Jesus had already done that, proved that faith is stronger than either matter or death.
Now, I had been an outspoken opponent of religions for the ten years prior to this. Christians, to me, were weak-minded people with no sense of adventure. They weren't 'tapped in' to what was really going on. All of that changed that evening. From that moment of 'revelation' onwards, I possessed an unshakeable faith in the God of Jesus Christ. After all, He was the one who created this universe of ours. (Sally had earlier shown me that our universe of 4D space-time was but one notion in a vast meta-universe containing infinite other possible 'universes.')
To the skeptic: yes, I was raised as a Christian. And I was going through withdrawals from GBL. And I heard a voice associated with a powerful hallucinogen in my head. With those mitigating factors in mind, What did I believe? That some of God's angels take the form of plants, and they can enrich and enlighten us if we choose to ingest them with an open mind.
I believe that God, of course, is Love. He sent Jesus to die and be risen to prove that faith in Him, or faith in Love, is more powerful than even death. If we let Love be our guiding spirit as we move through this life, we will be fortunate and successful and happy. To reject Christianity (or Islam or Judaism) is to reject Love as the most important quality in ourselves. That is not logical.
The goal of every living species is to expand its territory. To exist in as much space and time as possible. To do this most successfully, we need to cooperate. Love is the ideal from which cooperation naturally springs. Love is our most logical survival strategy. So, for Love and Life's sake, convert! :)
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