Citation: Wolf. "3 Days in the Mental Ward: An Experience with Cannabis & Methylphenidate (exp12272)". Erowid.org. Dec 29, 2004. erowid.org/exp/12272
It all started in February of 2001. I had been smoking marijuana for just over a year when I made some new friends. I jumped at the oppurtunity to do Ecstasy with them. I had known one of the three for quite a while and had smoked bud with him a few times, but the other 2 were practically strangers to me. We got together at an old friend's house, his basement is perfect for dropping. We all took our pills and smoked almost a half ounce within 3 hours, suddenly they all began to flip out and start bouncing around. I looked around curiously thinking they must be faking it, because I wasn't feeling anything. Then it began, like a trembling from deep inside me. Suddenly I had all the energy in the world and I jumped up on the couch with one of my new friends and started bouncing on it for a few minutes. After a couple hours, I declared that they were my new best friends, and cast off my old friendships thinking they were the greatest people alive. Told them my life story, and gave them all hugs. The next morning I had to work and my heart was sore all day, but it was worth it.
I dropped with them again a few weeks later, same results, slightly different buzz. I became good friends with one of them, and went out with him one day and smoked cocaine. This produced a very bad paranoia side effect and I was convinced him and his family were going to slaughter me and bury me where no one would ever find me. This experience ended my friendship with him.
I made a new best friend in the coming months. She was having a party at her house and I was invited by her boyfriend, one of my best friends at the time. We had all bought some E that night, and I dropped right before getting there. I had very deep conversations with her and her best friend who was in love with her, and we hit it off immediately. For the next 4 months we were inseperable. Our friends had all grown apart from each other, except the two of us. We smoked weed and drove around almost every day for 4 months. We could talk for hours, never being at a loss for words. Then one day, I started to get feelings for her. Maybe it was just the drugs, but I thought we were meant to be together. I didn't tell her anything, I asked a few of my other friends what they thought and they said I should tell her. Trusting in my friends, I did just that. When I told her how I felt she tried to avoid the subject. So we just went on like nothing ever happened. A couple weeks later, she told me she liked someone, and I had such jealousy and loathing for her because of it. I wrote her a letter, stoned out of my mind, telling her how I felt, pouring my heart.
I came to the conclusion that I couldn't be friends with her, but I'd love to be her boyfriend. She didn't like that ultimatum. I spent the next few weeks, mostly at home listening to Green Day, depressed. Luckily, my friend came over almost every day and we'd smoke blunts and I'd forget about her for a while. We started hangning out a lot more and my old friends came back into the picture. For the next few months I smoked so much weed, and the paranoia started getting so bad, I went to see a psychiatrist. It didn't help at all, and I got prescribed ritalin because I was having trouble paying attention in class. My friend had snorted ritalin once and I had to try it. I got hooked.
For the next few weeks, I barely ever went to school. I'd just stay home, snort ritalin, play Starcraft and wait for my friend to come over after school to smoke weed. I eventually couldn't take it anymore and knew I had to get my shit together or I would have no future. One night I smoked too much and I started to hear voices. I was convinced there was a microphone in my room and that my neighbour thought I raped his neice and he was going to kill me. It started getting worse, I'd see people outside of my window and hear them waiting for me to do something, I never knew what, but they were going to kill me soon...
I just sat there, thinking people on Starcraft were talking about killing me. School was too much for me to handle. I thought everybody was talking about me. One time I smoked some ritalin with a bowl of weed and went to school. I 'heard' somebody talking about me at school and almost attacked him. I was never really thought of weed as a hallucinogen before, so I felt in my mind that I could not justify them as hallucinations, that they must be real. Then I finally realized that they were hallucinations. I began having visual hallucinations also and I just couldn't sleep anymore. One night, home alone I started hallucinating so bad. I thought that my entire apartment building was waiting to sneak up on me and kill me. I was so scared that I called an ambulance, warning that there may actually be people outside, but it might just be in my mind. They arrived after ten minutes of paralyzing fear. Waiting for them to come in and kill me for calling 9-1-1 on them. The ambulance arrived and took me to the hospital. I sat in a waiting room for 15 minutes waiting for a doctor. They took me up to the psyche ward, gave me some sleeping pills and a relaxant, and I slowly fell asleep.
I had to stay three days for observation with nothing to do but interact with the people there, some insane, most of them drugged up so they weren't a danger to anyone, the others just like me. My mom picked me up after my relaxing stay. When I was in there I decided to quit, no more drugs. A few days later I was back to smoking weed, but I was doing better. I'd been trying to quit for the last few days, but I loved Mary Jane so much I didn't want to leave her. Even though she made me feel like shit, she made me feel better then I already did. And here I am again tonight, just over a month after I decided to quit. This is my last time for the rest of the semester. Yeah, I say that now, I hope I can do it. No weed isn't addictive physically. But emotionally, it can be a one and only true love.
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