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A Thoughtful Evening (Live Report)
Citation:   Lambdana. "A Thoughtful Evening (Live Report): An Experience with DMXE (exp114944)". Dec 30, 2020.

T+ 0:00
55 mg oral DMXE
  T+ 0:45   insufflated Tobacco
This trip is being documented as I experience it. The writing style reflects my mental state.

Prior: 6ft 140lb male. My tolerance is fairly baseline. I've used a dissociative on average once a month this year.

I've used the "new" batch of MXE (renowned for its lacklusterness) twice and both times were underwhelming. Never used the early stuff. My favorite disso is ketamine and also my favorite psychoactive.

5:00 PM
Injested about half a milligram as an allergy test and now eating dinner. I'm having half a grapefruit with my dinner which may affect the potency of this novel drug. Otherwise I'm having avocado toast and mixed deluxe nuts. I plan to ingest 55mg after dinner if I feel in sorts.

6:15 PM
Ingested 55mg DMXE (Labelled as 3DMXE) orally. Snuggling into bed, hoping for a peaceful ride.

7:00 PM
Nothing yet. Did some wim hof breathing and it helped a lot with the anxiety. Also used some tobacco snuf.

7:30 PM
Felt the first wave of a come-up. It was subtle. Like a little bump, but that's how it always is.

8:40 PM
This is coming on crazy slow. I mean, I am DEFINITELY dissociated at the moment, but it's not really what I expected. It feels oddly clean. Like I can't tell you at which point I became high. It was a very gentle slope.

I had a bit of a thought. Just a thought, earlier today, about how we are what we eat. Just now I had that thought again while eating overly-oiled overly-salted popcorn and suddenly I sorta started feeling like what it would be like to be the popcorn that I'm eating. I can see how the feeling could have been very uncomfortable, but I let it pass through me and felt like being popcorn for about a minute. Buttery, hot, nuked, and salted. Created purely for the consumption of some big mouth in the sky. It's not a lot, but it's a life.

So far so good. I'm enjoying the film Spiderman - Into the Spiderverse. Halfway through and the themes of various realities are playing nicely with the experience.

I'm happy that the mania isn't as strong as it is with PCP analogues. Stimulating dopamine mania isn't my go-to and I don't indulge in stims. This feels more relaxing. Though it feels hot, whereas ketamine feels colder to me. I find that it is drawing me to write, which dissociatives always do.
I find that it is drawing me to write, which dissociatives always do.
I could write forever here right now, however I shall not. I'll return in a bit.

9:00 PM
I feel myself becoming deeply thoughtful. I feel very immersed in the movie, and how it connects to the greater outside world. There are many camera shots. I find myself wondering how that relates to my own experience existing as a human. I am not a camera, I am a character in a greater play.

I have this feeling as if grasping at a fractal image of the multi-verse, but it's only in thoughts as this is very non-visual. Yet even without visuals, I can somehow see the multi-verse almost as a large, infinite Lego set. All the colors and pieces are there. I of course am each and every piece at different times along infinity. You are as well. There is a tall tower built of the legos, each piece of lego being one of us. There is light above the tower, and darkness below. I look up and see that the tower transcends ever upwards and does so as well below. Death is the process of falling from the top of the tower of Legos into the dark pit of Legos below where it is difficult to discern the colors of the pieces. The tower is self-balancing and self-building. All pieces grasp and move each other to build the tower greater again. We are each piece. We are those pieces.

A sort of karma functions and follows you throughout lives, because when you fall into the pit below, you must climb back up the tower, back into the light. The tower you helped build the last time you were climbing it is still the same, thus we are followed by our past choices through each traversal of the tower of Lego.

Our life is a process of creating the next life that we will live.

9:00 PM
The time dilation is strange. Perhaps it is the greatest feeling I get from this substance other than an oddly quiet and open mind.

*Note interjected later: The time dilation must be particularly odd since I put this one as the same time as the one before*

9:30 PM
I feel as though I have reached the peak of this summit and have begun the long traversal home. I should note that I find I myself to be a tower of Legos as well, built of ever smaller souls, who are in turn built of ever smaller ones. With a microscope I can see these tinier souls. They are my cells. Those cells have constituents that make them up as well. They are all living out their own drama. Their own lives. Narrating me. I have to wonder if they know why they are doing it. I have to wonder if I know what enormous, cosmic, multi-galaxial being I could possibly be a part of.

He is I and I is him.

10:15 PM
The comedown has been as smooth and as clean as the come-up. I could be entirely functional on lower doses of this, so I must save it for special occasions and not allow it to become that sort of thing. I am very glad that I was able to come upon this molecule. It reigns at the top of the dissociative pyramid for me along with K and 2-FDCK, and it is the first non-ketamine-like dissociative that I have found to be immensely satisfying and anti-depressing.

10:50 PM
Still coming down, and feeling a tad sleepy. I'm going to go on a short walk down the street and back to get some fresh air before turning in for the night.

I appreciate the clear focus this substance has provided me tonight and its ability to aid me in constructing my thoughts. It's worthwhile for sure, and I am one who has found myself more-often-than-not disappointed by dissociatives.

End Stats
* ROA: Oral
* Duration: 3 1/2 hours of primary effects. 5 hours of total effects.
Duration: 3 1/2 hours of primary effects. 5 hours of total effects.

* Headspace: Much closer to Ketamine than PCP analogues. Incredibly clear-minded and thoughtful, but more awake and alert than Ketamine. Not incredibly manic, with a mania close to that of Ketamine's.
* Visuals: Similar to that of Ketamine's. For me, that basically just means a crumpet of wobbly vision.
* Body load: I felt immensely comfortable lying in bed watching a film and writing this as well as chatting with friends over text. It's not necessarily something I would use if I expected to be active, and I had no urge to get up during the entire experience.

Afterwards: I did wake up shortly afterwards from an existential nightmare that I feel was directly linked to consuming this substance. I'm taking it as a clear warning that it's time that I enter a concentrated period of sobriety.

I also woke up multiple times in the night severely dehydrated and needing water despite drinking loads of water prior. I was sweating immensely and it felt as if my body was trying to sweat out a toxin. I'm not sure if this was truly the substance or not, although it was a concern.

Thank you for reading.

Exp Year: 2020ExpID: 114944
Gender: Male 
Age at time of experience: 29
Published: Dec 30, 2020Views: 2,731
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DMXE (926) : Alone (16), First Times (2), General (1)

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