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Kind and Lively
by nervewing
Citation:   nervewing. "Kind and Lively: An Experience with 5-MeO-DPT (exp114760)". Sep 16, 2020.

18 mg oral 5-MeO-DPT (capsule)
    repeated smoked Cannabis (plant material)


T0:00- Dose taken. I am in a house surrounded by expansive fields, pine forests, and old ramshackle farm buildings in the Southeastern U.S. It is a hot late summer day, the sun beats down from a blue sky.

T0:30- No discernible effects yet.

T0:43- A bit of jitteriness and discomfort but this may be placebo.

T0:47- It makes its presence definite with noticeable stomach discomfort accompanied with a sense of foreboding. There is a certain stimulation and weight in my extremities.

T1:00- I feel a bit nauseous. Waves of unease begin to pass through me, gentle with frayed gradient edges. It is not unease in a strictly negative sense- rather it is pulses of offset, a reality shifted just slightly askew from ours, a sensation that would be intrinsically disturbing in the body of any person. I step out back for one hit of cannabis just to manage the nausea. Bathed in full sun it feels like something is rising through me, a tension that gradually dissipates as it travels. My jaw is clenching. I test the visuals out by gazing upon the expanses of grass and fallow- it appears as though heatwaves are running over everything despite the cool verdant ground, and there is a definite increase in visual snow.

I step back inside back into the air conditioning. The change of setting, from the sensory load of the sun and sky and all the birds and insects singing and the breeze blowing through the distant trees and brush, to the muted interior of my house with the lights off, is disorienting. It feels like my mind is still running on the sensations of outside, vigilant and ready to pick up an overload of stimulus, which it is entirely unable to find. I chew some gum to mute the bruxism and lie on my bed. I find it difficult to find a comfortable position to lie in- there is a buzzing in all of my joints, a nervous twitching, nothing feels quite good or comfortable. When I close my eyes it is like gazing into a black hole, an immense void that comes away at its edges.

I decide to watch King of the Hill- the episode I watch is sweet and heartwarming, emotionally resonant and cleverly written. Itís hard to focus but when I can I feel more engaged than I normally do watching this show. It feels as though a certain significance can be ascribed to what Iíve just seen even though it probably isnít there.

T1:30- It for the most part feels like a strong and odd stimulant, my heart is racing and my limbs shaking. I feel short of breath with a slight chest tightness- very typical stimulant effects for me. I am also swallowing a lot more than usual. Visually there are slight distortions, it looks like thereís a blizzard of barely discernible particles blowing across my field of vision at all times, leaving dully colored tracers when I move my eyes. The lower corners of the walls are pulsing with faint and quivering pools of muted color. I've settled into the twisting discomfort more and more, it begins to feel more normal and natural. It feels nice to adapt to it.

T1:40- Jitters upon jitters, my mind is running around chasing everything it can but not seeing anything through. It feels like a fierce wind passing over the upper strata of a landscape, just barely scraping the precipices of every towering structure, grazing their apices but failing to feel around them in their entirety, failing to seep into their depths and gingerly trace the curves and crevices of the ground. I keep thinking of things I should be doing but get overwhelmed and don't do anything at all.

I feel nauseous and lightheaded and my walk cycle feels disjoint. My thoughts are straying from one thing to the next- what Iím going to do the rest of the day, some stuff about friends and relationships, how distinctly stagnant Iíve felt all weekend, all over the place. There are little twitches in my muscles. The nausea wells up again. I feel like I should get up and go for a walk to shake some of the restlessness out of my limbs.

T2:14- Went for a little walk around the old barn and the silos and smoked a little and looked for bugs. The sun was so hot and the sky was so blue, I found myself lost in thought a lot, and ended up aimlessly wandering in one direction or the other, it was a good way to let go of excess stimulant energy. Itís so lovely being outside, the sky is so big, so blue, I want to dive into its depths. Being here feels so gentle and sweet, the vibrancy of life is like a frosty iced tea in the sweltering afternoon. I sit on my back porch for a bit and look into the great blue above, visuals presenting as drops of pulsing ripples.

T2:50- Stopped inside for some water before heading back out and playing with a projectile launcher, firing off small pellets into the woods. I felt very grounded and in the present with the bright sun chasing away most of the drugís effects. There is something rising and creeping through me though it is less discernible.

I come back inside and I am definitely feeling it less than I was before. There is still a sense of restlessness and breathlessness.

T3:10- Certainly on the downturn, the experience gradually recedes without issue. For now at least.

T3:20- Feeling slower, the residual stimulating is evaporating off my body. The letters on my screen flash a bit, something is still definitely going on but its barely discernible.

T3:40- I am feeling more attentive to things, feeling like I am drawn deeper into whatever I engage with, in stark contrast with before when I could only skirt from the shallow fringes of one thought to another. I engage in media and thoughts and emotions with emotional depth, as if my mind is enveloping them like an amoeba, its pseudopods meticulously feeling every inch and taking in every bit of electric information.

T4:30- I step outside and smoke another little hit of weed. Sitting on my porch and gazing into the distant stands of pine trees in the light of the golden hour was titanically beautiful. They towered over the landscape, growing ever upwards and outwards, aiming for the heavens as the great sturdy oak directly in front of me, draped in epiphytes, aimed to be heavy and stout. So much life was around me- swarms of great darner dragonflies picking off the multitude of other flying insects for an early dinner, the perpetual songs of the katydids and crickets and meadow katydids and buzzing cicadas, the birds circling and flitting above, twittering as they fly, grasshoppers and velvet ant wasps playing to and fro above the ground. The grass, sheared around me and turning to dense thickets of fallow in the near distance, the skyrocketing pillars of the treeline exploding into cascades of green, the lichens and ferns and mosses and fungus and ivy embracing the branches of the hardwoods, all of it perpetually growing, breathing, respiring and bathing in the golden sun. I love to see so much life, I love to see so much struggling with and against each other, a tangled dense web of interactions, of which I am but one more component. I was just another heartbeat, another mass of cells running a million chemical reactions at once, the same as all the other around me, the same processes as the plants, their vacuoles thick with water, the same heartbeat as the birds in the branches and the little rodents hiding in the field. Another source of carbon dioxide and evaporated moisture. It was a lovely sense of unity, my heart was filled with love and all I could do was smile and bask in it. This sensation snuck up on me, washed over me, inundated me, it was absolutely sublime.

T4:55- I eventually go back in and wrap myself in my covers on my soft bed. I am texting with my partner who is far away, and also a close friend I have an intimate relationship with, also very far away. All I want is to nuzzle up and cuddle up with a person or something living, large and warm and soft. I feel lonely, but not the tragic self pitying loneliness, rather a yearning borne from circumstance. There are tears in my eyes imagining how pleasant another personís touch would be right now. Itís okay though. The substance largely feels like it has disappeared from me, with a few embers still burning on my emotional ganglia.

T5:30- There is a sudden upwelling of stimulation and unease, like a steady tension pulling through my body. It is odd that it seems to have come back to me in the later hours of the experience. There is marked music appreciation, everything sounds so inherently pleasant and emotionally resonant. It reminds me of when I first began getting real into psychedelics, how I would go to parties absolutely tripping face and listen to wonderful emotional punk music that despite being very corny still tugs at my heart strings to this day, itís a similar feeling of nostalgia, empathy in reaction to untethered emotional expression. I just want to sit and listen forever.

T6:00- A strong visual snow and static persists. The drug fills me with a sense of longing and loneliness again, another wave of yearning, I just want to lie in bed and cry and listen to music. I miss cuddling with people, I feel a bit emotionally raw, like I would collapse into sorrow at the slightest negative touch or if I were to witness something terrible happen to someone. Itís as if every protective layer around my emotions has been sanded away. I toss and turn in bed and nuzzle with my blankets and listen to music. Despite the rawness this is very pleasant, it feels cathartic and gentle. It feels like I needed this, yet it also feels a bit alien and out of place. But I have no choice but to accept the sensation and roll with it, and it feels good to do so.

My roommates are hanging out and having a bonfire. I don't really feel eager to interact with anyone though, or at least I would rather just be alone with someone I knew well and trusted right now. I have only been living here for a few weeks after all.

T6:40- The rawness and disquieting sensations have mostly entirely passed by now. I begin to just feel normal, if slightly rattled and off kilter. I smoke some more weed and it fails to stir the dust much, making me just feel stoned. This signals that it truly has receded for good. I end up going outside to hang out around the fire.

T7:00- I would say Iím entirely back to baseline by now.

Conclusion: I typically do not find myself drawn to the 5-MeO tryptamines, though they have plenty of merit. Across the board they seem to offer a truly unique psychedelic experience, abstract and capricious, with a notable physical aspect that is either highly pleasurable or extremely uncomfortable. The DPT series of compounds meanwhile is also quite capricious, alien and intense and at times quite punishing. I came into this experience expecting a burdensome trial but was pleasantly surprised by both the gentleness and emotional depth this compound presented. The timeline was peculiar-the initial peak was for the most part just stimulation, as though I had consumed an odd stimulant that passed through me in offset waves. It was past these peak effects however, almost 5 hours in, that the compound really truly shined, lending a beautiful emotional rawness that enhanced just about every sensory experience I encountered with a deep empathetic resonance, from gazing out upon nature, to talking to friends, to listening to music. The initial pulses of discomfort gave way to a generally pleasurable and gentle body feel that would be excellent for cuddling up to a loved one. I was overall pleasantly surprised by this compound and at this dose the toxic side effects were restrained enough that I would feel comfortable doing further trials with higher doses. It seems this may have unknown depths to offer.

Exp Year: 2020ExpID: 114760
Gender: Not Specified 
Age at time of experience: 25 
Published: Sep 16, 2020Views: 1,334
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5-MeO-DPT (391) : General (1), Nature / Outdoors (23), Music Discussion (22), Various (28)

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