Citation: Munsu. "Meditations of a Borderless Mind: An Experience with Salvia divinorum (extract) & Cannabis (exp114591)". Erowid.org. Jul 22, 2020. erowid.org/exp/114591
My friend and companion in this Salvia journey, S, was here just 20 minutes ago and we smoked some 20X extract. I took 2 hits of roughly 70-80mg the first time and 50-60mg the second time, measured by eye. Since I am still warmed up from typing down and submitting my previous experience with Salvia tea and acid which took place 17-18 months in the past, recently and since I still have what happened 30 minutes ago fresh in my mind, I am now sitting in my chair in order to write my third report.
S contacted me at 18:00 since he had some free time since his wife had gone to visit some of her relatives and he asked me if he could come over. My door’s always open for him. Half an hour later he was here with a bit of good weed. I had some cold coffee and he had an energy drink to feel a bit more energized after 10 hours of working. He is an A/C technician and they have a lot of work to do these days.
We rolled a joint and smoked it while talking about various stuff. At some point we started discussing about Salvia. Until then, I was not feeling very comfortable about doing Salvia and he felt the same way, since we just wanted to have a relaxing evening. After talking about Salvia a bit, my initial hesitation began to retreat but I didn’t mention anything about doing any. As we are discussing about Salvia he says:
“I am starting to feel a bit itchy about doing Salvia but I am not crazy about it”
“Yeah, I also feel the same way. It’s because we were talking about it a minute ago. I don’t want to rush into doing it”
The seed had been planted the moment we began talking about Salvia with enthusiasm a few moments ago. Like the fine gentlemen we are, we didn’t immediately agree, kinda expecting the other person to mention the concept of smoking Salvia first, but at the same time declaring that he won’t do it because of some fictional bullshit “protocol”.
“We should try to schedule a day to smoke Salvia in order to mentally prepare for it”
“No I don’t think this would work, I believe it’s better to do it on the spur of the moment when the opportunity arrives”
“Perhaps you are right”
About 10 seconds later my curiosity was piqued “So wanna have some? But only a little bit, you know, take it easy”
We had prepared a homemade bong a few days ago using a plastic bottle, the front part of a wooden pipe that can be split into two pieces, two straws and some teflon tape. We ran some efficiency tests and it passed them all with flying colors. The bong was acceptable for the purpose it was created. M was also present that day which I am going to describe below.
That day we decided to do some Salvia in our newly created bong. I took a tiny bit of the 40X with the tip of my finger and a slightly bigger amount of the 20X and prepared the bong. I put a Gregorian chant called "O filii et filiae" by Patrick Lenk playing on YT. I found that track 4-5 days ago and I was amazed by it. That chant makes me calm down and I can't help but become immersed in a sacred feeling. I am not a Christian but neither an atheist. Just a man that walks his own spiritual path, hoping to attune with the flow of the universe.
And then I take the hit. After holding the smoke for roughly 30 seconds, I exhale. I start feeling different and the next thing I know is that I am laughing a lot while trying to sing along the lyrics of the chant.
From this point on I have no memory of what has happened and the parts that I do remember are blurry. S and M filled me in. For the next 3 minutes I am gabbling a lot. Most of the words that are coming out of my mouth can’t be understood because I talk too fast while also laughing. I was mentioning something about a bus again. This was the third time that there was a bus involved during a Salvia trance and every time this happens I remember almost nothing about it. Only broken fragments, thanks to my sitters informing me about what I was mumbling during the trips. I had also seen a video they took of me during one instance.
My memory begins again with me patting an ethereal sea dragon that flows through me. I open my eyes and realize that it was just the cold airwave from the air condition, which had been turned on by my friends. I was drenched in sweat since its summertime which is why I perceived it like that. I told them to turn it off and started laughing maniacally again because it seemed so funny. There was a strong impulse of laughing constantly inside me.
I close my eyes and lift my left hand in a weird angle. Instead of my left palm facing towards the right I was trying to turn my arm in the opposite direction, the harder I could. I felt like I was also rotating and my left arm had turned into a wave. Probably because I was sweating and the AC was on a few moments ago. Realizing that I must be looking like a fool I told my friends “It might look stupid, but I have a reason for doing this!” I was regaining full control of my senses again for the next few minutes. When it was over I was left with a positive feeling and a slight buzzing for a while.
From my view the only thing that happened was me trying to sing along the chant, then closing my eyes for a moment and opening them due to the AC scene. I felt a bit disappointed because I was expecting something more intense from the 40X. If my friends were not present I would have never known that it was a whole lot more intense than I could handle.
If my friends were not present I would have never known that it was a whole lot more intense than I could handle.
Back to the main story, since we decided to do small amounts of the 20X extract, I got up and went to bring over the bong and the extract.
I had three vials next to each other, two 20X extracts 1gram each and one vial filled with 40X extract of 0.5grams placed in the center. The left one was upside down, I picked that one first but I put it back down and decided to use the other one. However I switched back to the vial I had picked up initially. It felt more right in my hand for some silly reason. I pulled down the shutters but not completely, just enough to barely see what we were doing. Then I put on some meditation music, consisting of Shamanic drums and a humming. We emptied the vial and divided it into roughly 10 parts, to have a better sense of measurement.
He went first and after he came down, it was my turn. I will only mention that he had an otherworldly experience which disturbed him. He only told me the next day about it in order to not affect me before my turn and also to take his time and think about his experience with a clear mind.
I prepared the bong for the first hit. At this point I am still a bit reluctant, not knowing what to expect but also quite anticipating it. I pick up the torch lighter and take the hit. My hand is shaking in a barely noticeable manner due to a bit of fear but also due to excitement. I wasn’t thinking about doing Salvia anytime soon because I wasn’t in a mood for it, until that evening so I guess this also contributed to have less self-projected expectations about the “ceremony”.
I light the torch and inhale. I stopped thinking and tried to relax. I begin to chant a mantra I thought on the spot to help me concentrate. “Oh Goddess Salvia please help me to be true to myself. Allow me to see the direction I must take” “Thank you for your guidance” Something among those lines. I was already in a cozy mood and I wasn’t really expecting something crazy to happen, mostly entering a deep meditation state, with closed-eyed visuals. You never know for sure what will happen though.
I exhale and wait. I am starting to have that familiar Salvia feeling. I have my eyes opened but I don’t notice anything different visually. I decided to close them and closely examine myself. My mind starts painting the thoughts that are coming to me. I am starting to feel wheels around me rotating. I can feel them rotating. There is one to my left and one to my right moving in opposite directions. They felt completely natural, as if they were always there moving. I didn’t question their appearance, not even for a single second. They pulled apart some sort of soft veil. I re-open my eyes, everything around me seems normal, there are no rotating wheels in my vision but I still have a weird feeling of gravity and a light buzzing in my head, nothing special. I am fully aware of my surroundings, my friend sitting next to me and that I’ve just smoked Salvia. At this point I am sure that I will only experience closed-eyes visuals, feeling safe. I feel very free and very relaxed, just enjoying the experience. A bit annoyed that there are no signs of something more intense but I quickly discarded such thoughts. It wasn’t worthy to let my spirits down over it, I wanted a mild trip and I got exactly that.
I close my eyes once more and decide to let my mind dance in this mild Salvia tune while I try to let go of my worries even more. Random thoughts are crossing my mind. However each thought is as if it’s alive. It has the form of a rotating wheel made of something immaterial, I can only describe it as a mass of fog. Then the wheel takes the shape of something like a plastic wrap roller to the right side of my head, but instead of plastic wrap it is the thought passing through my mind, unfolding from it towards my left side. I can feel the whole roller. There are more of these rollers now and they represent my different thoughts. Everything seems perfectly natural, as if behind the curtains of reality it was always like this. I am letting my thoughts flow freely until they unwrap completely, but it feels like at the rate which they were unfolding it would take forever. I’m aware of my physical body sitting on the couch inside my home, but I am not hindered by it at all, I am able to focus completely on my mental journey with the set and setting factors being ideal for the occasion. I am getting deeper into this meditative state.
Since I can’t empty my mind of thoughts completely, I decide to do something else. It’s not like I am a devoted Zen practitioner anyway. If the Salvia effect is flowing water, then my mind is the earth. If there is water being poured onto the soil, it will flow through the paths that are naturally formed since the ground is not even. These random paths represent the random thoughts coming to me into the form of rollers that I can feel unfolding and thus slowly clearing my mind. If I can draw a line into the soil, most of the water will flow through it. The deeper it is the more the water will fill it. So instead of letting random thoughts flowing on I attempt to focus my mind on topics of interest and see where that will get me. I felt like this was the right direction since I can’t reach a completely empty state of mind with my current state of being.
For example, for some reason I saw a kiosk passing through me as it was being unfolded. I consider this some sort of junk thought, coming from my subconscious. However because it is flowing I waste part of my attention towards it, attention which I can focus somewhere else and take advantage of my time with Salvia in order to ponder over more meaningful questions. While all of this is happening, the feeling of the two wheels rotating as if they were part of my body, actually they are more like gears, to my left and to my right side is constant, it felt so natural that it didn’t bother me in the slightest. I am aware that I am not the wheels. About 2 minutes have passed since I exhaled.
The music starts to annoy me a bit. Besides the shamanic drums and the humming there are also night-nature sounds like crickets as well as a crackling bonfire effect. As I am starting to feel the rollers formed by my thought-morphs becoming less and the fog they were consisting of also shriveling, the crickets and the bonfire sounds became more distinct, thus interfering with my ability to concentrate.
With my eyes still closed I reach to the remote on my right side. My TV supports YT and the remote control can also be used as a wireless cursor. I knew exactly where it was and I got hold of it. Then I open my eyes for a moment in order to put the next track on. It was the chant I mentioned before, with the 40X experience, “O filii et filiae”.
The music starts playing and everything gets better. I also increased the volume. The people living in the next apartment had moved back to their village before the first Covid lockdown in my country, so I wasn’t worrying about disturbing my neighbors.
I start pondering over stuff like who am I, why am I here, what is the meaning of life etc. The thought-rollers are gone now. The chant really did the trick. I begin to think in the form of a dialogue. I was feeling like there were no borders in my mind. No limitations, a sense of attunement with the world. It’s not like I was enlightened and understood some deep cosmic meaning but there was such an immense feeling of freedom and happiness, giving the impression that all obstacles could be overcome.
As I get immersed into this dialogue themed thinking and stop caring about anything else, I feel a faint form of some sort of female presence blooming, it was very gentle and sacred. I could only refer to this as my co-talker turning into Lady Salvia. I don’t remember the exact dialogue but I remember the feeling of it. The chant playing on the background played a big part in the whole experience. It is in Latin. A part of the chant says “monumento venit prius” however to my ears, when the monks were singing “venit prius” it sounded they were saying Demetrius, which is my name giving me the impression that Salvia used it to say my name for some reason during our conversation.
I feel an energy rising which I perceive as the source of the non-stop Salvia laughing effect, threatening to throw me off balance but I managed to only let out a chuckle. I got over the urge to laugh, feeling incredible happy. At this point I am still aware of the fact that I have smoked Salvia in my house and that my friend is sitting next to me. Lady Salvia was there but not to the point that I wholeheartedly believed I was talking to an actual spirit. I was simply going with the flow of the experience, as if it was a game, without a care about anything, as if I was a child.
Every precaution I had about doing Salvia had vanished. Feeling so comfortable I decided it was time to smoke one more bowl. The way this manifested in my mind was with Salvia telling me
“You must smoke some more”
“I know” I replied back out loud.
My friend S, lost in his own thoughts after his experience says:
“What is it that you know?”
“I am not talking to you”. I chuckled again and said sorry because it sounded a bit rude.
I start laughing because the image of a 30yo doing substances, thinking he is talking to spirits about to tell his friend that the spirit told him to have some more appeared in my mind and it seemed ridiculous.
Salvia then showed me the picture of S trying to stop me from having some more. “No he won’t. He understands, he is a good guy” I said these words and some more out loud. Although it still had the form of a dialogue in my head, it was clear to me that my intention was to inform S that I was going for a second hit while reassuring him that I know what I am doing, I haven’t lost my awareness. More than five minutes had passed until the first hit to this point.
I prepare the second hit with a smaller dose than the one I used initially.
With my spirits lifted, I take the hit and kept my eyes closed without opening them while in lotus position, becoming somewhat lost in my trance for a while, trying to understand my connection with the universe, with what can be summarized in a lacking manner as “God”. I felt like I was made of smoke and was being sucked towards my left I could also feel like I was rotating gears. I tried to resist the feeling of being sucked and stabilize and finally at some point I felt still. Then I felt an emerald aura moving around me as if it was dancing. I perceived it as a Salvia spirit based on feeling it was emanating - warm, gentle, sacred, a pure maternal love without limits. Obscured thoughts were crossing my mind while I was immersed in the feeling and watched the spirit dancing.
As to what my definition of “love” is, my personal answer came to me after I was pondering about it a few years ago while I was sitting in a bench in a public square, hoping that a girl I liked and had previously met at that square, would pass by. I was wondering why the fuck I am doing this, I know I like her but not to the point to say I was in love with her... why do I want to see her again? Why do I desire to feel loved? And how exactly is love between a couple, love between friends, love between parent and children different if they were all forms of love? I ended up thinking that to love means to give everything without asking anything in return. As soon as I reassured myself with that my little heartache disappeared.
I asked the spirit “Who is God ?”, although the spirit wasn’t answering to me with words there was a form of interaction with it but I couldn’t exactly pinpoint how. I truly believed that the spirit was there and that it was real. “Wait, ‘who is God’ ? Does that mean that God is a... person?
Then a thought suddenly struck me. The Salvia spirit doesn’t exist! There is no such thing as “Lady Salvia”. Her feminine nature is due to the maternal love vibe I was feeling. It was the best my narrow human mind and my limited senses were capable of conceiving in order to explain what God is.
It was a pure form of Infinite Love. A stern belief came to me. The only thing that is true in the world is God’s Infinite Love. And by “God” I am merely attempting to put in a word the connection that exists between everything in the universe.
I felt as if I finally had made some progress in the right direction towards a cosmic truth. I can’t say for sure but at least after experiencing that, I am feeling less lost in this world. To be honest it’s not like a crazy amount of time has passed since then. For the moment I feel more at peace with myself than ever before. Time will tell.
For the moment I feel more at peace with myself than ever before. Time will tell.
I was starting to feel that the experience was leaning towards its end and felt the urge to put “Enter Sandman” playing, the 1991 Moscow live edition.
It felt perfect to listen to that moment. As I was coming down while listening to the music I tried to recollect it from the start. The lyrics felt the most suiting as the epilogue of my experience.
“Take my hand, we're off to never-never land”
I don’t remember exactly how much time had passed since I took the second hit, it must have been between 10 -15 minutes though.
S and I were both silent looking back into our experiences, I was still feeling under the influence but it was very subtle. I still had my eyes closed lost in my thoughts when the phone rang and I shook, out of surprise. I was annoyed and picked it up. Some hag had called the wrong number. That was the end of it.
I was immersed in this “Infinite Love” a while ago and the first thing I thought when I returned to my senses was calling the old lady who got the number she wanted to call wrong, a hag.
When will I ever learn…
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