Citation: Anonymous. "Much More Than a Scary Movie-Level Horror: An Experience with Clonazepam & 4-AcO-DMT (exp112795)". Erowid.org. Jan 27, 2019. erowid.org/exp/112795
50mg 4-AcO-DMT Horror
Psychedelic background: Mildly inexperienced with psychedelics. At the time of this report, I previously dosed around 100Ķg LSD 4 times, and had a very light trip on 9mg psilocybin extract (~2 grams dried shrooms). The LSD had never given open-eyed visuals besides some melting and drifting. Regularly taken low doses of edible THC on a daily basis.
Medical background: At time of report, not taking any prescription medication, nor over-the-counter medication/supplements. Recently (within 2 years) diagnosed with major depressive disorder [F32.2], and obsessive-compulsive disorder [F42.0]. Previously taken SSRI anti-depressants with little to no effect and anxiolytics.
Personal background: At time of report, very suicidal and pessimistic about life. Was experimenting with various drugs to ease mental suffering, and thought 4-AcO-DMT, being similar in nature to shrooms could help alleviate the depression. A careless attitude towards life, mixed with drug-induced confusion led to the higher than recommended dose. My family at the time knew I was experimenting with psychedelics but didnít fully endorse the idea.
Setting: (Nighttime, dosed at around 8PM) My basement with a few college-aged childhood friends. Later my bedroom with the lights on full brightness and various other rooms in my house.
All times are estimated as time distortion became more and more prevalent as the trip progressed.
-5:00 Avoided eating anything in the hours before dosing, as a way to avoid potential nausea.
-0:30 Dosed 0.5mg Klonopin (Clonazepam) to curb anxiety during the trip and to in theory weaken the mental effects. I was used to taking this amount of benzodiazepines, as I was previously prescribed this amount for daily use. No addiction or dependence at any point.
+0:00 Dosed approximately 25mg 4-AcO-DMT orally in its powdered form inside of a small gel tab. One friend at the same time also took a single gel tab. At the time, I had noticed that of the 5 gel tabs, there were 2 or 3 that seemingly had less powder visible inside of them. Both me and my friend took ones with less powder.
In retrospect, the gel tabs were from a decently trustworthy source, but did seem to have more powder than others in a couple of the tabs. I doubt the dosage of each tab was incorrect, but simply +- a milligram or two from 25mg.
We began chatting and watching some TV while my friends that hadnít dosed instead took some edibles.
+1:00 I thought I was having an onset of simple OEVís, but I donít think that was the case. I had to grab something from upstairs and after getting out of my chair, I noticed that my body was feeling heavy and moving was exhausting. Getting upstairs and back down really exhausted my energy level. No dizziness, but a bodily sedation.
Getting upstairs and back down really exhausted my energy level. No dizziness, but a bodily sedation.
+1:30 Noticeably feeling ďhighĒ in a similar manner to edibles. By this, I mean very laughable and what can be described as focus suppression mixed with immersion enhancement. Really felt closer to my friends and more engaged with the conversation than normal, but also often drifted off into my own thoughts while laughing about something said at the table. Staring at a surface long enough I would start to see symmetric patterns, but it was extremely transient.
+2:00 Friend who dosed claimed they are only experiencing a ďbody highĒ but didnít really explain the sensations. Claimed they had no OEV or CEVs. I was the only one having laughing fits out of the two of us. I also at the time didnít think I was experiencing what I had set out to experience visually with this substance.
+2:30 Because I was so wrapped up in laughing with my friends who were also high, I hastily decided to take another 25mg 4-AcO-DMT gel tab. I had convinced myself that this was my only chance to experience the visuals of this substance and thought I had taken too little of a dose initially.
+3:30 My friends began to leave one by one, until finally I was left with cleaning up. After a few minutes of moving and shuffling things around (in retrospect I was so confused with the cleaning that I got nothing done) I decided to go upstairs to relax.
As I got upstairs, I laid down on the carpet in front of a TV that my family was watching. [Time distortion became very strong from this point on, and I only occasionally checked the real time.] I remember some spinning dizziness sensation, and the TV voices being very loud but unintelligible for the most part. I continued thinking about what my friends and I had discussed and continued laughing.
After some time [probably a few minutes] I sat up and noticed the hardwood floors were no longer wood patterned. They were growing intensely more green and purple and seemingly glowed. I closed my eyes but when I re-opened them the textures on the floor, walls, and ceiling had completely changed into multiple layered geometric patterns. The patterns were symmetric, but geometrically impossible and overwhelming to look at. By impossible I mean that I would be unable to draw them on a two-dimensional surface today.
This was my first experience with actual geometry in OEV, and I was initially excited. Just a few moments after the excitement faded and a panic set in. Internally, I was thinking repeatedly to myself that something had went wrong. I realized what I had done by taking double my researched dose and I felt what could be described as a light sense of impending doom. Outwardly, I remember laughing it off, and my family furiously asking what I had just taken.
+4:00 I stood up and after blinking a few times and moving my head, I was able to shake the patterns enough to see almost normally again. I went upstairs because I couldnít stand being ridiculed by my parents and felt that was making the panic much worse. In my room, I initially entered with the lights off, confusedly remembering psilocybin depression experiments where the subjects were placed in a dark room with just music.
+4:15 After what seemed like just a minute or two of standing around in the dark, I rushed to put the lights on as I was getting intense feelings of nervousness from the dark. Auditory hallucinations were subtle but still noticeable while I had the lights off. They werenít voices, but instead a menacing tone that seemingly grew deeper and deeper. (I have experienced something similar on LSD but sometimes the exact opposite. Sounds that grew higher in pitch over time but were also very subtle.)
A few minutes of calming down once the lights were on, and the OEVs were still growing stronger. (I canít remember at this time whether I had closed my eyes for a long enough period to notice anything strange about CEVs.) I tried to put music on my phone, but I hated the sound of it almost immediately. The music at any volume seemed overwhelmingly too loud. The phone screen was insanely bright to me, and everything with contrast (the black text of the keyboard especially) was surrounded by pink, purple, and green wobbly lines. Shaking the phone made the screen completely disappear into a bright blur.
I started texting my friend [this was the only time I had checked the time on my phone] who has dosed with me earlier that night and simply wrote: ďI messed up; This is hell; This is really bad; I am very confusedÖĒ and so on. Writing these messages only made the panic worse, and I could only look at the phone long enough to see his worried response. I began looking around my room for things to soothe my panic, and to stop the endless noise that was drowning out everything else in my house. This is where things took a turn for the worst.
As I was looking around, I started noticing that most of the objects in my room were very complicated in terms of material and structure, including my computer and its parts, a couple of diecast cars lying around, and my furniture. The geometric patterns from before only became a problem if I stared at a relatively flat surface for an extended amount of time. Internally, I began contemplating how this stuff had arrived in my room, and how other human beings had constructed these things. For the furniture, the cut edges and curves fascinated me, but not in a euphoric way. In fact, I was terrified by the fact that I wasnít certain how someone else could have crafted this stuff. I wasnít thinking clearly about modern tools or production lines at all. If I could describe the feelings these thoughts evoked, it would be closer to an intense sense of impending doom than a simple fear. In fact, I had never been more scared in my life up until this point. I wonít be able to get across the intensity of the fear in this text, but this was much more than a scary movie-level horror.
Thinking about my computer, and how finely the components had been put together by machines that human beings have created was the final stepping stone to the madness that followed that night. I couldnít fathom how the computer worked, or how it had been assembled, and internally started considering that all of the things around me were a simulation. I was convinced that the life I was experiencing couldnít have been real, and the torture I had experienced over the past year or so [mostly depression and grieving] was all a joke crafted against me in this simulation. Real panic set in, I began sweating and my heart was racing. I have experienced thought loops on LSD before, but this was magnitudes more intense.
I began sweating and my heart was racing. I have experienced thought loops on LSD before, but this was magnitudes more intense.
What felt like hundreds of times per minute, my mind was thinking about the inner workings of everything that surrounded me, including my house as a whole, and none of it made sense. Making sense in this case meaning that I understood fully how this stuff had come to be and how it worked.
I tried laying down in my bed, but I was crying and shaking uncontrollably. I crawled into the fetal position and that was the last of what I remembered of my room.
+5:00 Next, I was downstairs in my living room, crying on the sofa to my mother. She mustíve been really worried at first, but surprisingly handled the situation pretty well for an unprepared trip-sitter. I was trying to explain to her, through my sobbing and panicked breathing, that nothing in the house was real. It couldnít have been real as there was no feasible way humans could have crafted stuff with such accuracy and elegance. The painting on the wall was another focus point for my thinking at the time. I was obsessed with the fact that since I didnít know how to paint that, no one couldíve known. All this time, the OEVs were slowly dying down but were still prevalent on flat basic surfaces like the ceilings and walls.
One of the things that stuck out the most from this experience was the thought that I was already dead, and this was all a work of my imagination. NOTE: I had attempted suicide about 8 months prior with prescription medicine, but failed and luckily didnít have any health consequences. During the trip, I slowly convinced myself that I had successfully killed myself back then, and this reality was essentially an eternal hell. I became extremely upset initially that I was dead, but then instead because I hadnít ceased to exist, but rather moved into this new reality. I donít remember which was more prevalent, but both ideas looped incessantly in my mind, causing extreme panic, fear, and regret. I wouldnít class any of my feelings as physical aside from my heart beat and cold feet/hands that usually came with anxiety or fear.
+7:30 Over the course of one to two hours I continued complaining to my mother about the making of household objects being impossible for humans, and also continued diving deeper into a delusional story in which this reality was simply an afterlife simulation. I brought up a desire to kill myself once more, and how I would be the first person to kill themselves twice. She wasnít really paying attention for most of it I sense, as I had warned her in the past that when Iím under the influence of these types of drugs that the mindset is just temporary and will go away as the drug wears off (assuming the psychosis is not semi-permanent or permanent).
During these two hours of crying and contemplating reality, the closed-eye visuals were really impressive and interesting. I was very tired, as it was now somewhere between 2AM and 4AM, and would often close my eyes for a minute or so at a time. Every time I closed my eyes, a new mechanical machine would appear vividly in my ďvisionĒ. I wasnít in any way experiencing what others have called a machinescape. This wasnít a grand scale object or landscape at all. The background was bright pretty colors, but the machines themselves were impossibly complicated, with hundreds of moving parts that in retrospect couldnít have actually worked. One that stood out was a structure similar to the Bagger 288 (for those that donít know, itís a complicated mining machine called a bucket-wheel excavator, and itís huge). The machine in my mind was similar in size and shape, but was composed to hundreds of small interlocking pieces and gears all moving in symmetric patterns up and down the machine. When I opened my eyes, the image would disappear, and closing my eyes again would create a new design with similar textures and pieces.
+8:00 Finally, I was able to calm down and finally manage to sleep in my room with the lights still on. At this time, it must have been around 4:30AM.
Aftermath: I woke up the next day still feeling a bit drowsy, but the thoughts, visuals, and sounds were completely gone. However, I was somehow different (some of these aftereffects might have happened naturally without this trip, and are probably not all caused by this experience). To this day, I feel as though most of my fears and phobias have faded or completely disappeared, as nothing can ever compare to that night. I have noticed that every once in a while, my mind will focus on something I am not well-versed in, and will slightly worry that I donít know how something works or how something was created. This had happened in the past before the trip, but was more subtle and didnít take precedence over anything else in my mind. My theory is that it is the OCD kicking in and taking over every once in a while, forcing me to compulsively learn about the entirety of something I may not even be interested in.
My mindset for the following 2 months after the trip was much more positive and optimistic about life than before. I was at peace with what life had presented me with, and wasnít afraid of the future. However, this has since faded and I am back to where I started.
Follow-up: I didnít take any substance including THC for about 2 months after this incident. I have since taken LSD a few more times and the trips havenít been affected in any way.
Physical effects felt: sedation, perception of bodily heaviness
Visual effects: drifting, color shifting, color tinting, symmetrical texture repetition, fully defined geometry, 3-dimensional geometry, internal hallucination, external hallucinations of scenarios and plots
Cognitive effects: immersion enhancement, emotion enhancement, laughter fits, feelings of impending doom, thought loops, time distortion, confusion, delusion
Auditory effects: auditory distortion, internal auditory hallucinations
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