Citation: Anatoli Smorin. "Ubiquitious Internal Immersion: An Experience with 3-MeO-PCP & Methoxetamine (exp111471)". Erowid.org. Jan 24, 2018. erowid.org/exp/111471
The dose described in this report is very high, potentially beyond Erowid's 'heavy' range, and could pose serious health risks or result in unwanted, extreme effects. Sometimes extremely high doses reported are errors rather than actual doses used.]
I have been experimenting with the combination of 3-MeO-PCP and methoxetamine for several months now. Methoxetamine is a substance I have used occasionally over the past few years but it has never been a personal favorite. It has always been a secondary option to other dissociative substances that I felt left me with a higher level of mental functionality, particularly at higher dosages. This increased functionality resulted in more productive & enjoyable experiences. I first explored 3-MeO-PCP roughly a year ago. I found the substance very useful. At low doses it had a soft entrance to its experience but a strong presence that promised plenty of depth. The chemical consistently produced desirable effects; simplified clear thought patterns and colorful open and closed eyed visuals. I first combined these two chemicals five months ago.
I first combined these two chemicals five months ago.
Since the initial trial I have repeated the combination with varied dosages and treatments. For each of my experiences, I altered the dosages of each chemical and changed the order in which I consumed the substances. Each experience was documented with both written notes and audio recordings.
I saw this single experience as a fitting example of the mental & physical effects of the combination and thus expounded my formal notes into the report which follows.
In addition to the two aforementioned chemicals, the report below includes a single dosage of 5-MeO-DMT. The 5-MeO-DMT did significantly affect the experience for a span of roughly twenty-five minutes. Forty-five minutes after ingestion I felt completely back under the effects of only the methoxetamine and 3-MeO-PCP.
There is no issue of tolerance for any substance involved in the evening with the exception of cannabis, which I use daily. My mind is worry-free and calm, while my mood is slightly elevated with excitement for the experience. All of the compounds involved have been acquired from a highly trusted source. The 3-MeO-PCP is a hydrobromide form and lab tested at > 99% purity and is a fine white powder. The methoxetamine is a hydrochloride form and lab tested at > 98% purity and is a crystalline white powder. The 5-MeO-DMT is also a hydrochloride form that lab tested at > 98 % purity and is a crystalline tan powder. All dosages were prepared on a reliable and freshly calibrated milligram scale [.001 g]. After each insufflation I wait approximately 10 minutes and then insufflate roughly 5 to 10 ml of water to ensure full absorption of the substance & to help keep my nasal passages clear. I have eaten a normal breakfast and lunch on the day this experience took place but forewent dinner. My partner in crime Kai is my sole company during the entire evening, which is spent within the confines of our apartment.
T+ 00:00 [10:05 PM]
I insufflate .045 grams [45 mg] of methoxetamine. After 10 minutes I feel the first alerts of effects. A slight numbing sensation caresses my nerves, most notably in my forearms and thighs. The numbing is followed quickly by a release of tension, which is accompanied by an energy that I feel pulsing up and down my arms and legs.
T + 00:20 [10:25 PM]
I comment to Kai that I am experiencing genuine relaxation now. My mind is separating from my everyday thoughts and concerns. Real life seems to be a little harder to relate to. A sense of surreality has infiltrated my mind. I feel removed from my normal mind-space. This sensation is not completely unlike a therapeutic dosage of a benzodiazepine.
My initial insufflation was a test of sorts, to ensure that I was in a good state of mind to venture into the depths of this specific combination of chemicals. Comfortable with how the preverbal ‘dipping toes in the water’ went; I insufflate 58 mg of methoxetamine.
T + 00:40 [10:45 PM]
The initial sensations felt in my arms and legs has stabilized and faded to the background. The state of mental relaxation has rapidly increased. I no longer have any desire to interact or communicate with anyone outside of my present environment. I am here. I am now. Open eyed visuals are still very minor, consisting of a modest increase in definition and brightened colors. With my eyes closed I see faint bulbs of color shrinking and expanding slowly.
I weigh & insufflate 15 mg as my first dose of 3-MeO-PCP for the evening.
T + 00:44 [10:49 PM]
I can already feel the 3-MeO-PCP’s noticeable effects on my mind and body. The numbness and pleasant feelings return to my body. The mental and visual effects are ramping up quickly now.
My closed eyed visuals become brighter and clearer. The bulbous shapes break apart into smaller circles & rings that begin to collide with one another, multiplying at each collision point. Open eye visuals slowly begin. Minor swirling and vibrating appear on the edges of objects around the room. The largest immediate effect of the 3-MeO-PCP is completely mental. My thoughts refocus from the slight uncaring cloudiness brought on by the methoxetamine. The thoughts now structure themselves in succinct phrases and I am able to articulate them in such a manner out loud.
T + 01:20 [11:25 PM]
Over the past half hour my mind has increasingly simplified its thoughts. I intensely enjoy the way in which my mind is functioning & even more so appreciate the topics that the substance has pushed my mind towards. I am thinking in a cut & dry manner, separating opinions from facts & then mechanically sorting through the remnants. The majority of my thoughts have been focused on big picture questions such as: “what do I want to do with my life?”.
I pause the life planning session with a sharp realization; my beard feels strange. The only thing I can compare the feeling to is the odd sensation one can get while running in the cold, which results in pain felt from the interior of one's teeth. The sensations do not feel entirely alike; the hairs on my beard do not hurt. But the follicles do register feeling on the inside of each individual hair. Their exteriors are also hyper sensitive to my physical touch and even the slight breeze in the room.
I write a few notes about the ‘beard that feels like cold teeth’ in my journal and go back to….Well shoot, I can’t remember what I was doing just a few minutes ago? Audio recordings support the fact that I was having difficulty planning simple actions. I take multiple trips between rooms to get things, only to become indecisive, forget what I was doing, and return back to my room of origin empty handed.
I turn to the scale again and weigh 71 mg of methoxetamine. My motors skills are diminished but preparing the dosage is still easily achievable. After insufflation, I set myself up in my favorite reclining chair with relaxing music & low lighting to take advantage of the intensifying visuals.
Within moments of shutting my eyes, I find myself viewing a single bright blue strand dancing across my mind’s eye. The strand grows continually brighter and its movements are smooth and curved, dancing to the music. My perspective suddenly rotates to reveal my blue strand actually possesses a very deep third dimension. A spectacular wall of fluctuating tightly spaced blue lines fills my closed eyed visual field. As the tempo & energy of the music increase, shimmering golden lines form intricate rotating patterns that move in synch with the plane of blue behind them.
I open my eyes to take stock of my surroundings. I am shocked to check the time and realize only a few moments have passed while my eyes were closed. I expected to find that at least fifteen minutes had passed. With eyes open, the room appears more ‘in focus’ than normal. The edges of each object are very defined. My perceptions of size, distance & space are quickly failing. The doors on the closet appear unusually large while my office chair is comically small. The room itself appears to be stretched significantly wider in the center than at each end.
My mood continues to be exceptionally positive & upbeat. My body feels equally pleasurable, every position I put myself in feels perfect. I mention to Kai that “cozy” is the best adjective to describe my state of mind. I feel as though a soft blanket is draped across the folds of my mind.
I mention to Kai that “cozy” is the best adjective to describe my state of mind. I feel as though a soft blanket is draped across the folds of my mind.
The blanket protects me from any possible ill thoughts or worries. With the aid of this confidence I prepare a 55 mg dose of 5-MeO-DMT. This is sandwiched between .212 grams of cannabis [more cannabis material on the bottom than the top; 3:1 ratio], packed into the bowl of a scientific water pipe.
T + 01:40 [11:45 PM]
After a single deep breath of preparation, I put the butane lighter to the 5-MeO-DMT. I do my best to keep the flame slightly above the substances to vaporize as much as possible. I take two large hits this way. I then torch the bowl and take one final deep hit. The chemical taste fades quickly, gone by the time I set the lighter down on the floor.
Expecting an immediate rush, I am intrigued by two minutes of relatively unchanged senses. Accepting that the latest substance will not be a rocket ship style catalyst, I turn to converse with Kai who has just finished her identical dose of 5-MeO-DMT. I smile. Kai smiles back. I ask Kai for her opinion of how this compound is interacting with the others. As the words leave my mouth I feel something odd. I feel out of place. I feel as though I am intruding on my own mind, as though I am sharing the first person point of view. Exploring this sensation, I drift out of the first person completely. Although I am still viewing the room from my normal perspective, I can inspect my thoughts & actions from a non-biased third party point of view. My mind has separated into two segments. One segment forms thoughts & converses as normal. The second partition watches these actions & thoughts occur & then is able to ponder & critique them. Although very unusual to be witnessing & judging my own thoughts at the same moment I create them, the sensation is not only comfortable but enjoyable. I am intellectually stimulated. The haze of dissociation has lifted considerably & I feel increased clarity in my thoughts. I have not connected to my ’everyday self’ but I am now thinking clearer, faster & with a purpose.
Kai & I mull over our life plans casually but with great excitement. I feel as though I have cut away all the bullshit that normally clutters my mind. The stresses and frustrations that normally hinder and restrict my mind from “absolute truths” are nonexistent. I am now allowing myself to look clearly at the big picture. I plan my future actions according to morals, ethics and desires, while also considering the practicality of the ideas. I do not feel like I am wishfully thinking: overly positive. I have the ability to consider finance, laws and regulations.
T + 02:15 [12:20 PM]
The effects of the 5-MeO-DMT are definitely tapering off now. During a trip to the bathroom, I suddenly ‘snap back’ to the level of intoxication I had been at prior to smoking the water pipe. I return to the scale for a dose of 3-MeO-PCP. This time I settle on 19 mg for insufflation. I anticipate a rapid expansion of my mental space, so I quickly lay down on a few blankets on the floor of my office. I make sure there is ample downtempo music queued up to play then lay down on my back.
My eyelids begin to feel heavier & heavier. The sensation is similar to what occurs when one is up very late trying to stay awake. Instead of sleep however, when my eyelids win the battle & finally shut, I experience something entirely different. Within seconds of my eyes closing, I lose connection with my physical body and am mentally released into an entire new realm of existence.
With eyes closed, I am floating in a massive expanse of black space. My eyes are almost forced shut, I don’t believe I could have opened them if I wanted to. There is no sensation of vertigo, but rather that of complete weightlessness. The moment I take stock of these new surroundings I begin to accelerate forwards into the void. I can feel the movement, similar to a feeling like one gets when accelerating rapidly in an automobile. Radiant green cloud-like shapes form below me as I continue to hurtle forward. The clouds extend endlessly, morphing abstractly as I fly over them. A glowing basketball sized sphere formed of bright yellow light approaches me from my left. The sphere flies beside me and I can see fiercely bright particles trailing out behind the shape. I turn my vision to the left for a better view. Instead of my viewpoint changing as it would normally, I drop suddenly and flip onto my back. The sparkling particles now directly above me take formation into thin lines. The lines begin to crisscross, undulating to the music, which is the only connection I have back to the “real world”. I sink lower and lower, the sphere far above me now. The sphere’s shimmering trails have grown more expansive, spreading until they cover almost the entire space visible above me.
My perspective rotates again, on its own this time. I have been redirected and now fly directly at the wall formed by the dancing patterns. I accelerate, faster and faster until I blast through the shapes only to see behind them a world of wondrous geometric shapes forming limitless patterns. I cannot help but compare my visual field to the likes of a visualizer found included in many music players on computers. The difference is that this does not feel like a visual effect and the ever-changing shapes in front of me are infinitely more complex and beautiful than anything I have seen generated on a computer. What I am seeing is supported by my other four senses. I truly believe that I am in a new reality where flying is possible and brightly colored three-dimensional patterns exist as far as the eye can see.
T + 02:20 [12:25 PM]
I open my eyes and blink twice. The flying has ended and I am back lying on the floor in my office. My eyelids begin to grow heavy almost immediately and I can feel a pulling in my mind dragging me towards the other space. I push against the force & make my way to the living room. During the walk I note that my dexterity has diminished exponentially. I stumble heavily on my first few strides & must focus on keeping balance until I reach the couch.
I check the clock and am greatly surprised. Only five minutes have passed since my last dosage. To me it seems as though nearly an hour has gone by. In this pull back of clarity, I decide to explore deeper. I promptly weigh out 124 mg of methoxetamine and insufflate as soon as it is off the scale.
Immediately following my insufflation of water, my mind races in a negative direction. I question whether I am foolish for dosing again so quickly when the full effects of the 3-MeO-PCP have not yet manifested. The negative thoughts are abruptly put to rest. Waves of calming emotions fill my being. My inner monologue reads: ‘Did I take too much? Am I safe? Should I be worrying? NO. Everything is happy, good and fun. Even if I did take too much, it will end eventually and I can simply enjoy it until then.’ I scribble in barely legible handwriting that:
“This combination of substances somehow provides a mental safety net. When a bad experience would normally begin, these compounds provide me calmness & clarity that reigns supreme in my mental space.”
My mind now at ease, I make my way to the floor in the office & lay down once again. The music is still playing but it sounds entirely different. Each sound reverberates through every molecule in my body. Beautiful tones rattle the innermost chords of my existence. The clarity of my hearing is amplified to a degree I did not know possible. This sensation of discovering that a sense can be so good reminds me of putting on eyeglasses for the first time as a child with very poor eyesight. Sharp and short notes on a drum sound as though the universe is splitting. Tones and sounds from instruments cause an entactogenic rush to course through my body. The auditory beauty continues to wash over me as I allow my eyes to shut.
Instantly my physical body stops being registered by my brain. Movement equals sensation. When my body stills, I am only my mind. My body simply disappears from existence and I happily enter the ‘visualizer world’ once again. Once again I am greeted with a fantastic array of patterns ranging from grand shapes to delicate designs. The music controls my experience; my universe synchronizes to the sounds coming from the speakers. Simple thoughts enter my mind for the first time with my eyes closed. My surroundings rapidly change to match my thoughts.
T + 02:40 [12:45 PM]
The heavy eyelids persist. I am repeatedly allowing them to drift closed, each time entering my closed eyed visuals until I become part of them. I can feel the movement & actually experience the 'visual'. There is no dreamy sensation, no surreality; the visuals become reality. It does not scare me or even seem odd that I no longer have a body and am flying through colors & shapes. It just is. Living this visualizer, I control my direction, speed & angle of view. The basic sensation is similar to that of a DMT blast off except less jolting and hectic. The movement is only fast if I want it to be. From an audio recording during the experience I extracted the following quotation which was describing the ebb & flow : pull & go of these out of body experiences:
'You’re out & then in & you forget that you were out of what you were in & then you were out of it OR into it'.
Time seems to stretch out, slowly dripping by. Minutes feel like hours until finally I no longer concern myself with checking the time. I feel forged tightly into the experience of here & now.
T + 03:30 [1:35 AM + 1]
I suddenly realize I am very thirsty. I stumble on my way to the water across the room. I feel very clumsy holding the glass and spill some water on myself while taking a sip.
Inside my head I feel sharp & coherent. My outward appearance is the opposite. I have slurred speech and am clearly physical intoxicated. I ponder whether this contradiction of appearance is important or not, quickly concluding that it is not of major consequence especially in my current environment.
Scanning my surroundings, I am delighted by crisp vision; the borders of objects are unimaginably definite and everything in my field of vision has supersaturated colors.
I focus my vision on a baseball cap resting on a nearby table. To my amazement, the hat becomes even more in focus. I can see the fibers that construct the hat; string-like lines that pulse and shimmy. Everything besides the hat drifts out of focus, becoming blurry until it nearly fades from existence.
Removing my gaze from the hat I find that looking at any object causes it to snap into super high definition while the background blurs heavily. This effect looks similar to a very low aperture photograph that has a lot of bokeh.
I look to an intricate Iranian rug that hangs on the office wall. I focus on the blue and gold flower that adorns the center of the rug. I know the flower is roughly three inches in diameter, but right now it is expanding. I can’t discern if the flower itself is getting larger or if my vision is somehow zooming in on it. Before I can make sense of things the flower is taking up my entire visual field.
My vision is coming unhinged, zooming in and out on its own. The flower is the size of a pinhead one second and the next moment it covers the entire wall. The flower is rippling and crunching as it gains the dimension of depth. Colorful and detailed patterns are moving from the center of the flower outwards in diagonal directions.
It feels like I have multiple sets of eyes that have the ability to focus on more than one point in space at the same time. After I move my eyes from one focal point on the rug to the next, the first point stays in the hyper focused definition. I can repeat this phenomenon and focus on a third then fourth area of the rug. The end result is the entire rug viewable in this bizarre zoomed in focus. The effect allows me to see the rug as if I was six inches from it, except I am seated five feet away.
I look away from the rug and find that now my eyes cannot focus on anything. I can physically feel my pupil moving around searching for the focus unsuccessfully. It feels like minor nystagmus is occurring but I believe I am only feeling the sensation of movement. A digital clock that is normally easily readable at approximately 15 feet was a blur. Feeling my eyes attempt to focus is a very unusual feeling, something I have never experienced before. I don’t find it off-putting or negative, just odd. Similarly I am not worried about my lack of motor skills and slurring speech.
T + 3:47 [1:52 AM +1]
I decide to push my limits a little bit. I have felt very comfortable with the depth of my experience thus far and have been waiting for an opportunity to go a bit bigger with these two chemicals. I take my time at the scale; my eyes are having some trouble focusing on the small numbers. I double…okay triple...okay quadruple check the weight.
I settle on 25 mg of 3-MeO-PCP. I removed this from the scale and then prepare 175 mg of methoxetamine. I insufflate the 3-MeO-PCP and leave the methoxetamine on the table for insufflation later on.
I feel physically sedated: comfortable in almost any position. My notes describe my physical sensation as “ketamine crossed with opiate body high”. After just 2-3 seconds of being still, I lose the ability to feel where my body is touching the ground or my seat. I am weightless and numb.
My eyes are focusing like normal once again and I do not feel terrible frazzled physically or mentally. In fact, my mind feels amazing. It is completely free and empty: a pleasant void of sweet nothingness.
T + 4:12 [2:17 AM +1]
The journey of the night is becoming more intense now. My mind dissolves until I feel like I have melted into a liquid-metal disk that has no weight or shape; I am entirely smooth. My body cannot feel anything and my mind slowly disintegrates as if my consciousness is being spread out so thin that it is barely perceptible. Eventually even this liquid smooth existence drops away and I become nothing. The closed eyed visuals drain away until I am left with only a black void. I have no body or mind anymore; I have become blank.
After what felt like a very long time, but somehow also just a moment, the blackness of my eyelids is shattered. My senses crank to life simultaneously; I am rocketing forward, my ears fill with a whining noise that is building in a crescendo, my eyes struggle to make out the innumerable shapes that I am speeding past. Something big is coming, I don’t have any idea what, but I am sure that I am about to break the universe with the intensity of this experience. With a final thunderous “whooshing” noise, I slow down rapidly and can see clearly.
I believe my eyes are closed at this point, but I cannot be sure. I see the most beautiful natural landscape below me. I am in control of my floating and flying just as I was earlier in the geometric visualizer world. The control goes beyond my actions this time however. As ideas pop into my head, they materialize in front of me. I think of giant trees and an instant later I find myself zooming through them. A gorge of fantastic magnitude is next with a raging river at its bottom. I build momentum as I guide myself lower into this massive crevasse. As I hit the water I realize I had not “created” any bottom to the river and this seemed to cause a glitch in my experience. I tumbled out the bottom of the river into space as the water fell into nothingness with me. I am now in a massive space where chunks of land are floating in the air. Some have waterfalls that flow silently into the abyss below. I find that I am pulled towards one of the floating islands. As I arrive close to the edges of the land mass I discover a handful of totem poles adorned with crudely detailed faces on them. The faces are not carved into wood, they appear to be made of some metallic material. The faces begin to speak to me. Their lips are moving but I cannot understand them. I blame my lack of understanding on the music that is playing. Somehow the tones I am hearing [in my actual ears] are interfering with my ability to understand these beings. I am trying desperately to comprehend the message they are attempting to convey to me. The frustration builds and I near the point of becoming frantic. I am sure that they are relaying something of great importance and I just can’t get it. I hear them clearly, but it is not English they are speaking. The dialect is tonal and electronic but I still feel that I am on the verge of understanding. I do not recall how the entities disappear or when my interaction with them comes to a close. This is simply lost time. Perhaps my brain has been frazzling away for too long and is now trying to rein me in.
Sometime later, I have the sensation of re-entering my body and my own “first person” mind again. Now back in “reality”, my thoughts are slightly jumbled, my speech is slurred and I was not very articulate. When listening to audio recordings the next day, I understood what I was talking about but doubt that anyone else could have.
T + 4:32 [2:37 AM + 1]
I make my way over to the table where I had prepared myself with what I suspect will be the last dosage of the evening. I insufflate the 175 mg of methoxetamine and follow the powder with a small amount of water as per my usual routine.
After insufflation, I have a fleeting concern that I feel “way too far” and that I should not have taken this last dose. The next second I debate dosing more because I feel sober. This rapid change in my interpretation of my own condition was a full-blown cranium contortion.
I make my way back from the table to a nest of blankets and pillows that have accumulated on the office floor throughout the evening. The heavy eyelids I experienced earlier tonight return. I decide to try and fight the urge to shut my eyes. Typically, when I am tired and try to keep my eyes open, I experience a slight blurring of my focus before I snap back into focus with a blink or two. Now however, about a second after forcing my eyes to remain open, extreme visual morphing takes over my visual field. The walls on either side of the room squeeze closer and closer together. I know that if I blink, the visual will likely “reset” so I continue to force my eyelids open. When the walls finally collide, they push through each other. I realize suddenly that the walls are not their normal beige color. The walls are an electric blue color that possesses intensity, akin to a blue police strobe. They have golden streaks and dots that form a grid of sorts. Once these colorful planes connect, they spin from the top down, rotating 180 degrees at which point I hear a popping sound followed by a fizzling noise. I blink and suddenly the walls are back to their normal color and location.
I can tell that my mind is trying to correct the visuals produced by the chemicals I have ingested. My mind seems to be trying to make sense of what is happening. Having awareness of this drives me to think of how this experience is synthetic. Sometimes this synthetic feeling is cloaked in mystique and confusion, giving an experience the feeling of being magical. My awareness of the synthetic nature of the experience fades until I forget the thought, but I feel it is noteworthy to mention.
I shift my eyes upward and see the ceiling is covered in vibrating black and white dots that look similar to static on a television. This is common for me when tripping, especially on dissociatives, and will even occur when I smoke a large amount of cannabis, particularly if I am in a dark setting. The buzzing pattern grows thicker until it is not just covering objects in the room but filling the air as well. I move my hands through the air that seems thicker now as I push the static material around with my hands. I have had this effect before on heavy doses of various dissociatives and typically a dance session follows. I get excited, anticipating the wonderful experience of dancing through the material, trails upon trails, effectively drawing my dance through the ever changing canvas that is the air.
Before I can stand up and select music however, the uncountable particles of black and white melt together and then begin to grow. The small dots have transformed into three-dimensional cubes. These cubes range from about 6 inches across to 24 inches across. They float down from the ceiling, suspended in mid-air. The boxes begin to spin rapidly until they are a vortex in the middle of the room. Instantaneously all spinning ceases, and in the place of the spinning blur is a man. A very tall man who seems to barely fit inside the room. The man is wearing a large cloak / formal jacket with a hood. He is vague in appearance; I cannot make out details of his face. His skin and clothes are all the same bluish grey color which seems to be dull but also shimmering at the same time. Lightly glowing deep blue lines form all of his clothing’s outlines and detailing. He has the appearance of a stone statue, but the ability to make small movements as well. He shifts weight from one foot to the other and gestures lightly with his arms and hands. He does not say anything to me and I don’t feel any connection to him.
I can make out his eyes but try as I might I cannot make proper eye contact. His gaze is dull but intense, and he does not seem to register me, as he looks straight through me. I am thinking clearly enough to realize that I am experiencing extremely intense visuals. This does not bother me in the least; I feel comfortable with my condition. I am not sure how long I stared at this entity, but after what I would guess was several minutes, the man began to twist up into himself. He crunches into himself further and further until he transforms to an unimaginably beautiful geometric structure made of delicate filamentary golden strands of light. The blue detailing lines on his clothing and outline glow brilliantly bright before turning yellow and collapsing in on themselves. The lines are so bright they illuminate the entire room. They fold onto themselves over and over again, creating stunning and complex configurations of shapes. I hear a loud popping noise and then the light structure dissolved into four flowing diamonds which hung in the air for several seconds before they disappeared.
T + 4:59 [3:04 AM +1]
The effects pull back and I realize I am very warm. I step outside onto my balcony to cool off. The cool air [31 degrees Fahrenheit] combined with the wet deck from some fresh rain feels very relaxing and pleasurable. I take my heart rate to find it has increased to 108 BPM from my normally resting rate around 65 BPM. After a few minutes outside I feel that my body temp has lowered enough to return inside.
I know it is wise to drink water, so I refill a glass from the sink. I cannot feel the glass become any heavier as it feels with water. I have to watch carefully to see when the water approaches the top of the glass. I spill some water during the process but can barely register the feeling of the water splashing onto my hands.
T + 5:15 [3:20 AM +1]
I am more present in my own head now. The open eyed visuals have reduced to a constant morphing, expansion and retraction of everything I lay eyes on. I attempt to return to my “big picture” / “meaning of life” thoughts. I find that I am unable to distinguish between what is important in this moment versus the big picture of my life. The ability to zoom out to high level viewpoints is simply not there. When I attempt to think about an entire lifetime compared to this single instant in time I am met with confusion and complete inability to determine what holds importance.
T + 5:25 [3:30 AM + 1]
I pack .151 grams of cannabis into my glass water pipe and proceed to smoke the entire bowl over the next five minutes.
Once again I lie back in the reclining chair in the office. I gaze out into the room and let me eyes relax. About 3/4 of the way from the floor to the ceiling I see floating thin rectangular planes develop in the air. These planes are an opaque blurring of the air and there are two of them floating about a foot apart in front of me. They do not reach from wall to wall but stretch and morph covering between 50%-80% of the room’s space. The planes are completely flat, static in every way except for their shrinking and growing. The flat surface they are comprised of has slow swirling patterns similar to smoke in slow motion.
Closing my eyes produces a very unique experience. When I shut my eyes I can see a remarkably clear “after image” of whatever I was last looking at. The image lasts long enough to look around the “after image room” and make observations as well as interact with it. After several seconds the image begins to fade.
I open my eyes again. I find that there are ripples moving through my visual field. The ripples are imperfect horizontal lines that start at the floor and bounce upwards reaching 4 or 5 feet off the ground. The lines move in synch with the music that is playing and I make a comment on an audio recording that they move to the music quickly and snappily, like the up and down motion of a volume bar visualizer [moving higher when louder and bouncing lower when quieter]. The top of the line is invisible but easily seen as everything behind it is blurring and warping. The warping resets incredibly fast as the top line moves downward before repeating its trip once again upwards.
At this point my thoughts feel like a puzzle that I don’t have much desire to put together.
At this point my thoughts feel like a puzzle that I don’t have much desire to put together.
I attempt to apply lap balm to my lips but even this is a confusing challenge. I can’t remember how to put it on. I am unsure how much I need and have to try and rationally walk through the process with myself. Eventually I decide that 4 passes across each lip should be plenty but I set the lip balm down unconvinced I applied it correctly. My lips register no feeling to give me a hint at how I have done.
Thankfully it is very easy to move past the scrambled state my mind is in. I return to lying back in my chair to enjoy alternating between the closed and open eyed visuals which are both in synch with the music.
T + 5:45 [3:50 AM + 1]
I have an abnormal awareness of my body’s internal organs and their functions. While I cannot feel my hands, I can feel the quadriceps on my right leg with severe detail. I can feel where my veins are and how they weave and wrap around my muscles. I can feel the blood flow through my system. I cannot connect my mind to this inner body sensing but I have a moment of clear connection between my quadriceps and my heart which I clearly sense is the “control center” of my body and can feel it pump and churn my blood inside.
T + 6:03 [4:08 AM +1]
Visuals continue now but I feel I am perhaps past the peak of the evening. It is unusual for me to stay up this late these days and I wonder if sleep deprivation is starting to play a small roll in the experience. Chunks of my visual field are sliding over each other. A quarter of what I am looking at will become a copy of itself then slide over another quarter of my vision. The overlapped section looks similar to when one crosses one's eyes but seems more extraordinary because it is only specific pieces of my vision and it is happening on its own. The air is buzzing and visible with lines of energy floating through it. Blinking a few times resets the fallen pieces of my vision. This sensation is not unpleasant but I feel lazy and not up to the task of actively blinking. I resort to closing my eyes, floating away in the sounds of the music.
T+ 6:45 [4:50 AM + 1]
I am definitely on the comedown now. I have no desire to re-dose, drink or smoke to boost or continue the experience. I can feel the stimulation brought on by the substances slowly dying away. My body is slowly coming back to me in the sense that I can feel it more than I have for the past six hours. I feel as though I could almost slip into sleep or I could stay up endlessly, I seem to have the power to choose. My mental space is empty and blank. I can put thoughts in if I desire but I prefer the option of leaving my mind pleasantly empty and relaxed. I am in a near meditative state focusing on either nothing or my enhanced ability to truly listen to every note, tone and pattern in the music that is currently playing. This is one of the better come downs I have experienced after a large psychedelic experience.
T + 7:34 [5:39 AM +1]
I don’t think I am near baseline, but compared to the peak of the evening I am vastly more sober now. Kai and I head to the bed to prepare for an attempt at sleep. I take my heart rate again as I lay down and find it still increased from normal at 87 BPM. I lay in complete and total relaxation. Gradually fading closed eyed visuals [ mostly abstract patterns now] do not distract me from my sedate mind state.
T + 7:58 [6:03 AM +1]
I get up to use the bathroom and stumble slightly on my first two steps but then feel much more in control of my movements as I continue the journey and process. I lay back down and drift off to sleep. This was my last timestamp and I estimate it took me between 15 and 30 minutes to fall into an easy and blissful sleep.
T + 12:16 [10:21 AM]
I wake up and feel surprisingly rested for the short amount of sleep I got. There are no visuals occurring at this point. I do feel un-concentrated and blank minded compared to my normal “sober”, which I find very enjoyable and peaceful.
T + 13:10 [11:15 AM + 1]
I vaporize .178 grams of cannabis. I don’t feel the classic cannabis effects. I feel that I could smoke a lot and not get uncomfortably high. Colors become slightly saturated and everything looks a little softer. I also have some of the black and white static buzzing occurring. The leftover psychedelic effects eat up those of the cannabis. The effects I do feel last for perhaps an hour before smoothly tapering off. This is slightly shorter than my typical cannabis experience.
This report above describes a high dosage [for me] event. For nearly the entirety of this experience, Kai was by my side. She was also under the influence of the same substances as myself, although at significantly lower dosages [we also offset our 5-MeO-DMT intake so we could act as a “sitter” for one another]. It was a tremendous benefit to have a caring and attentive companion for this experience because of the potential physical and mental risks that were present due to the sizable dosages involved. Having a companion present allowed for frequent safety and wellbeing check-ins that prevented any dangerous situations from occurring, such as laying face down in a soft pillow and suffocating, or getting trapped in a negative mental space.
I once again found the combination of methoxetamine and 3-MeO-PCP to be utterly delightful. In the mental, physical and visual categories: this combination did not disappoint. Mentally I stayed very calm even when effects became intense. This is extra notable because I have struggled with worrying and negative thoughts during other recent psychedelic experiences. Physically I felt lovely, pleasantly sedated, albeit clumsy at the same time. The visuals were quite literally out of this world. The 5-MeO-DMT added to the visual spectacle as well as creating a unique head space amidst the beautiful dissociative maelstrom that was my mind at the time of ingestion.
While very heavy at times, and including some revelations, the experience was not truly life changing. I rate this a very strong +++ on the Shulgin scale. That being said, I have not tried to duplicate this experience with similar dosages, so I cannot say with certainty that this was not a ++++.
Beyond the morning afters cannabis effects, the day(s) following the experience I did not notice any lingering effects, positive or negative.
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