Citation: nervewing. "Scavenging for Trainkill: An Experience with Mescaline (exp110998)". Erowid.org. Mar 1, 2018. erowid.org/exp/110998
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T0:00- It is the 4th of July, American Independence Day. I am spending the day out with my friends. They have chosen 4-AcO-DMT as their poison for the day, me, Mescaline. We dose while we walk to our destination- a wooded area in my hometown. Locked away in the heart of those woods is a great old conduit tunnel, built to rout a creek under what was once train tracks. It is flanked on all sides by piles of boulders, laced with gnarled and tangled tree roots. Their branches form a dense canopy overhead so that the only light is mottled beams that spear through the dust and pollen in the air. The mouth of the tunnel is graced by a constant flow of cool air- one can take refuge by the gurgling stream that gushes forth form it, adorned on all sides by graffiti and thickets of moss, and feel like they are inside an air-conditioned room. The water empties into a rocky creek below that deflects and scatters that mottled light and diffuses it across its surface, a great vitreous sigh that is laid over our dear sanctuary. It is truly one of my favorite places in the world. Our plan was to hang out there for a bit while peaking and then take a long trek back into the city along the freight tracks.
T0:25- So far, I only feel nausea. We are pacing around the mouth of the tunnel, our base camp, bathed in cool, humid air. I decide to bring my friends up the length of the tunnel to show them where the creek enters- a great sodden chamber at the end penetrated by slivers of sunlight. The walk is slippery and pitch black, with the sunlight departing from us about 100 feet in. In the darkness, I feel as though I am picking up on faint sparks of visuals, though this may be placebo effect.
T0:35- I feel chills and I am definitely detecting light visuals now- just slight warping and alteration of my perceived surroundings. The nausea is growing as is some of the bodily discomfort. My cognition feels relatively unaffected. Physically, the only thing that feels good at this point is lying down and shaking.
T0:45- My thoughts are beginning to trail off and spawn into autonomous chains. This reminds me of a phenomenon I would notice when I was a child, where I would get lost in spontaneously generating trails of thought and would try to trace them to their origin after realizing how far my mind had wandered.
I would get lost in spontaneously generating trails of thought and would try to trace them to their origin after realizing how far my mind had wandered.
Perhaps this is not a phenomenon but a common feature of cognition in general. That is something I would have to ask someone else. The visuals have picked up slightly, into a dreamy haze overlaid on the world, causing it to pulse like heat waves. Gentle and subtle patterns decorate the sky. The experience has slowly been creeping up on me, crawling into my mind like a stalking resplendent phantom perched on my shoulder, its heartbeat rippling with galvanic energy. I smoke a joint to ease the discomfort just a bit, the smoke wriggling through the air along angular trackways.
T1:10- I am lying on my back in the tunnel, the cold air passing over me like a stampede of ants- I am just in its way but it pays no mind to that, it effortlessly overcomes me. I look up at the crowns of the trees and am awestruck by the vastness between me and them- they are truly towering over me, these old beings that have steadily anchored and grown for multitudes of my own lifespan. I am overall in awe of the beauty of my surroundings, I can do little more than lie there, content and calm. The experience is still mostly felt in my body, itís a restlessness, agitated like the nervous energy of natureís constant march towards survival. It is lucid and calm, gently dragging me into the unsettling heart of the monumental chaos of the earth and laying me down like one would lay down a sick child. It is a feeling of love and nurturing coming from a place that seems only to claim beauty and biodiversity as its virtues. The experience thusfar is powerful, though it is anything but intense. Despite the discomfort, I am content. Chills run down my spine and through my peripheral nervous system.
T1:30- The ill feelings have mostly faded by now. I feel jovial and childish, this glassy, sun-dappled space is now my playground and I am free to run jump and play. My friends are content to explore their visuals and experiences in the glorious comfort of the tunnel, but lacking such sensory stimuli, I have decided to occupy myself with exploring the space around me. I clamber over rocks, I climb across fallen logs like balance beams, I climb the stone walls and dip my hands into the invigoratingly chilly waters of the creek. I lie in the moss, I struggle up muddy hills, I try to climb trees and gaze into all the little spaces in the tangles of roots and imagine they are like yawning caves for little insects. My body is limber and prances about with ease, I feel graceful and physically capable, with the naÔve and impenetrable confidence of a child at play.
My body is limber and prances about with ease, I feel graceful and physically capable, with the naÔve and impenetrable confidence of a child at play.
T2:00- I feel like I am tripping harder now- I am stricken with a spaciness that settles me down for a bit. I lie next to the stream and watch the millipedes creep around the cold wet concrete, the boughs of moss like dense thickets to them. We smoke another joint. This kicks up the visual effects into something recognizable now- they are geometric- blocky zigzags, odd interlocking shapes, decorated with concentric patterns. They are not the gentle gradients of color like most psychedelic visuals, rather they are random stripes of random colors, sorted in accordance to some esoteric algorithm. These adorn the sky, they take up the shapes of the leaves and the textures in the rocks into their relentless flow, they are a deluge pouring down every surface, smearing the essence of existence with them. A quick blink and a snap back to reality and they fade, they are not intrusive by any means, simply curious visitors to our world. With my eyes closed, the visuals are indistinct, but are certainly in motion- a flash of movement in the dark, droning and repetitive. Sounds have an ever so subtle reverberant tinny quality.
T2:30- We decide to begin the trek home now. Our goal is to meet up with a bunch of friends who are having an outdoor party in a park down near where the tracks enter the city. We trudge through dense undergrowth and come out to the grand cathedral- a towering highway overpass, its pillars alight with vibrant blazes of graffiti. The only sound is the deafening roar of cars rumbling overhead. The light of the sun coming down in beams onto the dusty ground below. Itís an eerie calm that exists at the edges of humanity, still touched by its pollution and disorder, yet peaceful and desolate. We start hiking back along the train tracks under the relentless beatdown of the midsummer sun, the railroad ballast digging into our feet. This too is eerily quiet, the only sound being the crunching of the jagged little stones under our footsteps. To one side of us is the backs of buildings, empty lots and neglected warehouses, to the other is a densely overgrown embankment. Itís the wrath of nature striking back at the fringes of human incursion, furiously reclaiming every bit of space it can. Along the way we find prizes- the skeletons of animals struck by trains. I find an entire articulated deer spine and carry it with me for the remainder of the day, along with several skulls from various animals. The sky spreads out over us, vast and powerful, the plants grasp at us from the sides, and muddy puddles and secret pools languish to the sides of the tracks, begging for our attention like a siren song. Nevertheless, we decide not to deviate from our path.
T3:20- One of my friends has decided heís had enough and decides he wants to go home. I find a place to break off that may bring us back to civilization so I can call him a ride. There was an illusion of seclusion although we have been so close to accessible civilization this whole time. Yet even then, the sense of seclusion comes from being hidden away amongst all the hustle and bustle of human activity, the way an insect may feel hiding amongst garbage in a busy population center. Itís a feeling of being on the fringes, of being present but just out of reach. The exit point I find comes out to a farm with horsesÖ not something I was expecting in the city. Itís eerily silent, and the golden afternoon light parading down just punctuates this sense of surreality. We exit the ranch to find a completely empty road with no one around- have we entered the twilight zone? It turns out the road was just closed because of the holiday. I escort my friend to somewhere he can navigate from then trace my steps back and meet up again with my other friends to continue our journey.
T3:40- We reach a bridge over the river, a massive and sturdy stone bridge with walkways on the side next to the tracks. We pause here and look out over the city-it is the golden hour where everything is drenched in amber light. Ominous clouds loom in the distance. The entire undulating skyscape burns with vibrant rainbow colors, pulsing and breathing, a reminder that I am indeed still tripping. I sit down and it strikes me how altered I still am as the concrete wall across from me swirls and dances with the same angular patterns as before. A train passes and the conductor gives us a sharp glare. We decide to move on. At last we come to familiar territory, the same train tracks running by the same wooded park mentioned in several other reports. The clouds have crawled over the sun and the dense canopies lunging out above us cast us in a downpour of shade. Immediately the essence of our exploration has changed, from the exposed sunbaked place we were earlier to the dour shade of the deep green trees now. Itís not somber, but itís a feeling of being welcomed home, welcomed into haze and shade.
T4:30- At last we reach the park where there is a little picnic with my friends going on. I am dirty and sweaty and have been walking around in public carrying a deer spine crusted with little bits of meat, along with a skull and some jawbones.
I am dirty and sweaty and have been walking around in public carrying a deer spine crusted with little bits of meat, along with a skull and some jawbones.
We go up to the party and at once I find myself flustered, having a difficult time socializing. I am dissociated- it feels like a scene out of a movie. Everything is grainy and distant, I am emotionally detached from everything and everyone.
I am emotionally detached from everything and everyone.
I spend most of the time sitting off to the side with the people I came with, not interacting much with the others there. I donít feel bad about it, nor do I feel uncomfortable, I just donít feel social in the least. It begins to rain and everyone starts to pack up. They invite us to join them at a house, but we decline and decide to set out for home instead. We call a ride and the journey home is wild- despite the pouring rain there are people setting off fireworks in the street all over, the car having to drive through thick curtains of smoke and showers of sparks. The crackles and pops around us sound like a warzone and the rain smothers the smoke against the earth, letting it linger as a dense haze over the city. The ride back is jovial and pleasant, the driver is cracking jokes and one liners the whole time. Sheís sweet and funny and says sheís going to just go home and relax after this ride, just as we are. It instills a sense of coziness across all of us.
T5:45- We arrive home. Itís dark now. We settle in and smoke a blunt. My friends go out to get food while I remain inside with my roommate listening to music. Music appreciation is certainly heightened, I feel an intense sense of euphoria and calm, like I am in exactly the right place at the right time.
I feel an intense sense of euphoria and calm, like I am in exactly the right place at the right time.
I banter with my roommate, my words fluid and articulate. I feel like I have ascended to a purer form, diaphanous and glistening, sheathed in gossamer and bristling with tranquil energy. The same rivers of gentle visuals flow around me, parting around my form and embracing it like wind whistling around the edge of a blade. The ceiling breathes and pulses, the world is alive around me and I am alive within it. I close my eyes and sink into the music, savoring every note, every strum of vocal cords and guitar strings, everything is placed so perfectly and carefully.
T10:00- The past few hours have been up in smoke- a euphoric and hedonistic haze spent amongst some of my closest friends as we savored the degenerate days of our youth. I donít even recall what we did exactly, probably just played super smash bros and watched The Simpsons for a few hours, inundating ourselves with storm surges of cannabis smoke. The rains continued on and off all night, a gentle pitter patter on the windows. This was punctuated by the sound of explosions, crackles, pops and whistles throughout the night, every few seconds, as people indulged in the annual excuse to set off explosives in public. It made for a delightful and jovial atmosphere of revelry and vitality that permeated the walls of our house and crept into our own euphoria. At this point people have gone to bed and I am alone in my room. Smoking one last big hit from the gravity bong, I find the experience has been defibrillated, jolted back to life like throwing gasoline onto smoldering embers. Writhing and chaotic visuals explode in my face and tangle around one another, as if the last vestiges of the trip were trapped in a bubble that burst under the pressure. A great calm washes over my mind, followed by a creeping electric energy, buzzing through my neurons like currents through jumper cables. I suddenly find myself reading- ravenously. I want to learn so much, I want to expand my mind so much, I want to take in as much information as possible. Everything, absolutely everything, is fascinating now, there is so much to learn and I want to greedily devour it all. I stay up several hours later than I intend- no good because I have to get up for work the next dayÖ This would certainly be useful to experiment with in the future however, as a learning aid.
T14:00- I go to sleep finally. I am groggy and out of it the whole next day and my body feels tired. I nap the rest of the day after work.
Conclusion: This is a magical substance- it is intricate and complex, with odd little surprises hiding in all of its secret places. Despite a dose of 500 mg I feel like I only got a little taste of itís true potential. It was expensive and hard to come upon unfortunately, hindering further experimentation. I would love to be taken on a voyage by this one. From what I got here, it is a stimulating drug that filled me with childish energy, a desire to learn and explore that is normally suppressed by the everyday responsibilities of life.
it is a stimulating drug that filled me with childish energy, a desire to learn and explore that is normally suppressed by the everyday responsibilities of life.
The cognitive effects were gentle, welcoming, and harmonious, allowing me to explore the drug and the world altered by it at my own pace, on my own terms. Sensory effects were mild, nothing about them was particularly noteworthy or spectacular, though they felt perfectly enmeshed with the rest of the experience. The nature of this drug seems to be harmony- a sense that everything is exactly as it should be, that everything is exactly where it should be. Itís the beautiful naivety of youth, manifest as resplendent color and energy. The euphoria and cognitive enhancement felt quite unique too in the sense that it wasnít forceful or some artificial overlay, but rather that it was awakening some latent potential already present inside of me. Indeed it left me wanting to explore, learn, pursue- at the tail end everything was fascinating and I wanted to learn and explore everything. Perhaps one day our paths will cross again.
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