Citation: JuicyJay. "A Drug That Can Easily Take Over a Life: An Experience with Methamphetamine (exp110863)". Erowid.org. Jul 27, 2018. erowid.org/exp/110863
It had been shortly after a devastating break up. In my previous teen years, I had dabbled with a range of prescription drugs (benzos, opiates, amphetamines), and even used bath salts for a short period of time, as well as a casual marijuana smoker. I had always told myself I would never try 'hard drugs' (heroin, meth)...yes even though I used bath salts...
Anyways, so within about a week after my break up, a relationship that lasted 13 months, I was in a pretty bad headspace. Knowing my weed dealer was also a major junkie, I asked him to hook me up with some glass, I just wanted a little taste of the drug. We met up shortly before I had to work. He gave me a pipe to use with it. I headed back home on foot. Keep in mind, I went into this decision with the absolute mind set of, 'don't get hooked, don't let it ruin you, it's a one and done thing'. I was VERY set on that before even going in. I get home about maybe a little less than an hour and a half away from when I had to go to work (retail associate). I'm home, debating if I really wanted to do this or not. It looked like nice clear quartz in small rocky formations, with a few larger shards. I made up my mind, loaded a very tiny bit into the previously used, dirty pipe. There had even been little bits of residue remaining. I disregarded that. I lit up the pipe just a little bit with my bic lighter, and within a few seconds, it started to bubble, and then the thick white smoke emerged. I inhaled the hit, and immediately tasted the disgusting chemical. It was a little harsh on the lungs and tasted like piss (never tasted piss but seems like what I'd imagine it to taste like). I exhaled the vapor, and had instantly, and I mean INSTANTLY felt the effects. I was tweaking.
*Time frames are rough estimates*
T:00 - My heart was racing, could have been the nervousness, could have not, but it was racing. I felt this insane rush sweep through my brain. Instantly, I wanted more, but I held off on the pressure. It was a craving like I had never felt before.
T:05 - At this point, I had felt clammy and sweaty. I decided to load another hit, about the same size as the hit before, this time holding the lighter a little longer to get it really milky. I took the hit, tasted the same nasty taste, oh and I forgot to mention, the smoke smells terrible too. I'm pacing around my room, and then remember I have to get ready for work. I gather my clothes and start getting dressed. I noticed I was extremely fidgety and could not keep any part of my body still. I tried to stand up straight, but there was a very noticeable queezy-ness right in my stomach, making it impossible to stand straight without feeling like I had to throw up.
T:10 - All I could think about was more. I had to have more, so I would burn the remaining residue in the pipe about two times, and then loaded a clean third hit. I can't emphasize enough how strong the craving felt. It was exactly as the word 'craving' means, there's no better explanation. Also by this time, I noticed I smelled terrible. It seems the sweat coming from me, reeked like the smell of cat piss. It was gross, but I still took the hits. I was tweaking hard.
T:20 - I decided to go out for a cigarette, ended up smoking two maybe three in just a few minutes. Sitting or standing still was not an option.
T:30 - It was just about time for me to leave for work, I took one more hit before leaving.
T:45 - I had arrived at work right as I was supposed to clock in (parents had driven me, and were not aware of what was going on). I punched my numbers in, and immediately after doing so, I turned to the sink next to me and threw up three times. I was pale, sweating, fidgety, and was in no condition to work. I told my manager I was sick and threw up as soon as I clocked in, so she sent me home.
I had gotten home and jumped in the shower immediately trying to get the nasty stench off me. I sat in there for about twenty minutes maybe. I was really monitoring my heart beat, and mentally reviewing all that had happened in about the last hour-ish. I noticed my skin had looked very transparent as in my veins were so easily visible, even ones I could not have seen before doing this drug. My veins were deep blue, very visible. My dick had also shrunk A LOT. I tried to masturbate for a little while, but I was just too uncomfortable to finish. Eventually I had gotten out of the shower, I thought I smelled okay. The cat piss smell came back very quickly. I had immediately stuffed the pipe and remaining meth in a bag behind one of my drawers that I could pull out, so it was somewhat a little harder to access. I had still wanted more, but I forced myself not to.
Fast forward through the night, everyone had gone to sleep, but me? No, I was far from that. I got into my bed and just laid there in the dark room. Moonlight was creeping very slightly through my blinds, so I could still see around my room just a little bit. As I laid there, I was sweating, hard. My heartbeat did not feel consistent, my stomach was aching, and I could not lay still. I just sat and watched the fan above me do rotations for a very long time, couple hours atleast, honestly. The whole night I was in extreme discomfort and wide eyed. I took another shower at some point, too because the smell was just too much. Throughout the time I was in my bed, I was occasionally seeing black spots in my vision, and could have sworn I heard someones voice, too. I was very paranoid.
The sun finally comes up, and I have not slept a wink. My body had felt exhausted, but my mind was still going a million miles an hour. I stayed home for the day, just laying down, fidgety, paranoid, uncomfortable, sweating. I took quite a few showers throughout the day. Food was not in my agenda whatsoever the whole day. Luckily I drink LOTS of Ensure protein shakes on the regular, so I had a huge stock of those in my fridge. I drank several throughout the day to atleast force some kind of nutrition into my body, but anything other than liquids was too difficult to eat.
Come night time again, everyone is asleep, but here I am, still buzzing in my mind. I tried closing my eyes, but they would not stay closed... Another night without a single minute of sleep. I was really afraid I had damaged my body.
Finally the third day, I called up a different guy of mine. At the time he had grown magic mushrooms. I asked him if he'd wanna trade some shrooms for the remaining meth I had left, he agreed. He picked me 8 grams of nice fresh wet shrooms right from the bucket he had grown them in, and I ate a good amount of those shrooms, I think all in one sitting if I remember correctly. It was evening time at the time of taking these. Thankfully, the shrooms allowed me to disregard some of the discomfort I was feeling. The trip ended later that night. I had no meth in the house, I was happy to get rid of it. I climbed into bed, and had one of the strangest sleeping experiences. I slept for only about 5 or 6 hours, the thing is though, my eyes were open the whole time. I clearly remember watching the fan above me rotating, as well as the room getting lighter and lighter as the sun came up, over the hours, but my mind... my mind was shut off. I don't know how to explain it. All I can say was nothing was going on in my mind, I had zero thoughts as I just laid there, still. I 'woke up' mentally and realized I was still in the same position as I fell asleep in. Weather or not that was actually 'sleep' my body felt somewhat refreshed as if I had actually slept... Finally, it was all over.
I never had anymore cravings after that night, and to this day have never thought about doing it again. I can see how it can so easily take over ones life. The craving was REAL. Meth is no joke.
[Author estimates they used a half gram or less of Methamphetamine during their entire experience]
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