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I Never Allowed Myself to Be Happy
Cannabis
by Nicker
Citation:   Nicker. "I Never Allowed Myself to Be Happy: An Experience with Cannabis (exp110157)". Erowid.org. May 9, 2019. erowid.org/exp/110157

 
DOSE:
  repeated smoked Cannabis


I have dealt with extreme negative emotions, doing litterally nothing for 3 years except playing video games, partying and doing drugs in the weekend. I was a loser in those days. Have social anxieties, and almost got psychosis because of smoking marijuana, which still haunt me to this day. It made me extremely paranoid, thinking everyone was watching and judging me.

I quit smoking about 4 years ago. Always found a way to turn something positive into something negative in my mind. Couldn't really enjoy anything like a pretty sunrise, or just chilling with friends. I also never allowed myself to be happy, something in my mind blocked happy emotions and turning it into something negative. And never fully understood or accepted who I am. Now I found a way to block all those negative thoughts and am sick and tired of feeling like a prisoner in my own mind. But I still have a long way to go.

I've been thinking about doing psychedelics to learn more about myself and start accepting myself and finally enjoy life. I have done some LSD and other psychedelics but never really enjoyed it since it made me really uncomfortable and sometimes paranoid. But this was before I said to myself that I need to turn my life around and stop overthinking, and start accepting myself and who I am and what my purpose in this life is.

Exp Year: 2017ExpID: 110157
Gender: Male 
Age at time of experience: Not Given 
Published: May 9, 2019Views: 364
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Cannabis (1) : Not Applicable (38), Post Trip Problems (8), Difficult Experiences (5), Retrospective / Summary (11)

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Experience Reports are the writings and opinions of the individual authors who submit them.
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