Citation: Kaleida. "Reaching The Breaking Point: An Experience with 4-HO-EPT (exp109857)". Erowid.org. Apr 19, 2017. erowid.org/exp/109857
This was my fourth experience with 4-HO-EPT. I have to say, as much as I was looking forward to this trip, it was kind of a mixed bag, and probably more on the negative side. However, I don't believe this to really be because of the drug itself, but for a couple different personal reasons that I'll get into during the report. To put it simply, one might say I was knockin' on death's door, but too chicken to go through this time. Ultimately, it's probably my fault for dosing when I've been in a weird headspace as of late, but I am at least glad to have gotten insight about the power of this sort of dose, and I wouldn't take the experience back. Anyway, enough of that for now though, and on to the report.
My previous experience with psychedelics includes DMT, MET, MiPT, DiPT, DALT, Psilocybe cubensis, 4-HO-MET, 4-HO-DET, 4-HO-MPT, 4-HO-EPT, 4-HO-DPT, 4-HO-MiPT, 4-HO-DiPT, 4-HO-McPT, 4-AcO-DMT, 4-AcO-MET, 4-AcO-DET, 4-AcO-DALT, 5-HO-DMT, 5-MeO-MiPT, 5-MeO-DALT, Ipomoea tricolor, Argyreia nervosa, LSD, ETH-LAD, 2C-B, 2C-I, DOC, and MDMA. My most recent trip was exactly two months before this on 65 mg of 4-HO-EPT.
T+0:00 - At 11:00 AM I dosed 100 mg of 4-HO-EPT orally with some peanuts to quickly get rid of the taste, though it surprisingly wasn't too horrible. I think I might just be starting to get used to the taste of these molecules though, as I've been told that I might over time.
T+0:30 - In the first ten minutes I went to the bathroom and then got in the shower, and it was at about this point that I had gotten out, dried off, and made a note to myself about my current state. I was surprised because it seemed to be coming on almost slower than my 65 mg dose, but I reminded myself not to be fooled by an early lack of effects.
I reminded myself not to be fooled by an early lack of effects.
One thing that was quite notable to me though is that I really didn't have any racing or bouncing thoughts at all, I felt like I was almost as clearheaded as I had ever been on this chemical. I also as usual still did not have any significant visual effects at this time, open or closed eye.
T+0:45 - At this point in my notes, I wrote that I was still safe, in the sense that I couldn't detect any dangerous increase in heart rate or anything like that still, though I did notice a slight increase. But, this was the last note I took for an hour and a half.
This next part of the experience is somewhat hazy for me, because it came on incredibly fast. I took I believe one or two hits of cannabis at about the time of that last note, which I'm sure propelled it up there too, but there's no way it possibly could have accounted for all of what came next. Suddenly I was tripping, and tripping hard.
The visual effects still never became particularly overwhelming with eyes open, but they showed up at this point. There was a lot of melting and warping around going on with everything I looked at, and these distortions were bleeding colors of a very classical spectrum, reminding me a lot of coming up really hard on mushrooms or one of the other more classical-feeling synthetic tryptamines like 4-HO-MPT. However, it was the headspace that reminded me even more of them, as reality was suddenly beginning to slip away.... My body looked and felt alien, when I could feel it at all, in addition to being a bit sweaty. In addition, the rooms around me started to look briefly unfamiliar, despite them being some of the most familiar rooms I've ever known. I was also beginning to swing wildly between having a big smile on my face and being hunched over like I was in pain (though I wasn't, it was just heavy feeling).
Perhaps foolishly, though standard for me when trying a new high dose of a research chemical, I attempted to measure my heart rate and found this beyond impossible at this point. As I got deeper into it, textures on the ground started slipping and sliding around much like I am familiar with on high doses of LSD and 4-HO-MPT, and almost annoyingly bright white lights started flashing in my face. Upon closing my eyes to escape this I also found myself faced with a very brightly colored but static visual effect, one that I also notice again while peaking this hard on the aforementioned chemicals, and that's when it really started to sink in. I knew at this point that I had gotten myself into more than I had bargained for, and though I was delighted to see that this 4-HO-EPT seemed to be as powerful as I had hoped since my first trip on it, it also became quite clear to me that I just was not in the right frame of mind to have this kind of trip right now, on this dose of this substance that I don't even really know for sure is safe, and I had to do something to calm myself down a bit.
I know that somewhere in the middle of feeling this fear I attempted to do a balloon of nitrous oxide, a last ditch effort to simultaneously be calmer and push the trip over the line, but it just wasn't happening. I was just too out of it to even keep it going, and after a few short breaths followed by bursts of laughter I realized that I had already let almost all of the gas just slip out of the balloon by not holding it tight enough. Not long after this, without even really thinking about it first, I went and grabbed myself a beer out of the fridge and took a few big gulps, hoping that soon enough I would at least not be dealing with the sensory overload that was still kind of annoying since it wasn't going to go anywhere, but I also tried not to drink too much so that I could spare at least some of the trip's potential. After anxiously waiting a bit, this seemed to finally work and I was able to start grounding myself again, though I was still peaking quite hard. From this point on until I finally made the next note, I pretty much spent most of the time just sitting down or slowly walking around the house, either way just staring off into space and marveling at how freaking hard this dose had hit me. I also recall at one point staring at the carpet, watching the still light but beautiful visuals pulsing and sliding around on it.
T+2:15 - This was the first moment since the beginning of the trip at which I actually thought about how much time had passed, which is usually a sign for me that the intensity of the peak is beginning to fade. I was happy about this by this point, but I did still want to try to make use of the heaviest part of the trip as much I could, so I loaded my last eight nitrous chargers into another balloon, grabbed the single beer I had started but not finished before, and sat down on the couch. I honestly don't remember too much about what happened when I was inhaling that balloon, and I think that's mostly because it just made me feel more peaceful without really creating too much meaningful content to remember, but I do recall that my mind was working pretty hard on its own to make some interesting cognitive associations at this time. For instance, I know I looked down at my hands and saw the balloon in my right hand and the beer in my left, and immediately thought to myself that the left hand was 'sinister' (which, if you don't know, originally meant left-handed) because it was holding the tool that takes my expanded consciousness away, as opposed to my right hand which was holding the tool to further expand my consciousness. I didn't get much more than a little chuckle out of this, but I could certainly see how this headspace could make for some very deep and intriguing thoughts in the right setting, particularly when one actually is able to break through the barrier at the peak that I was not capable of this time.
T+2:30 - Despite not remembering much about the nitrous balloon itself, I do recall that afterwards I felt much better about my current state, and I was filled with an energy that often follows the initial heavy feeling of the peak for many psychedelics for me, and that I have come to expect from my past 4-HO-EPT trips as well. Notably though, whereas those trips always still had a mix of relaxation and energy, this time the stimulation was in full force, and I was dancing wildly in all kinds of patterns to some great music. It felt very much like the energy I've also gotten on 25 mg of 4-HO-MET and 50 mg of 4-HO-MPT, my so far preferred doses of said substances partially because this energy is also highly reminiscent of LSD, and it was definitely my favorite part of this experience. I danced and danced until I couldn't dance anymore, and then I just collapsed on the couch while still letting the music flow through me.
T+3:20 - At this point I decided to head out into the backyard and try to enjoy the outside scenery. This was something I had wanted to take advantage of much more when first going into this trip in this setting, but unfortunately it had been very cold and rainy for most of the day, and still was. But, determined to make the most of it, I wrapped a bath robe around my clothes and took a bong full of cannabis out there with me. It was very nice and peaceful out there, though definitely hard to handle the cold. I stayed out for about fifteen minutes before I couldn't take it anymore, and at that point I also noticed that I was starting to get hungry for the first time since dosing.
T+4:30 - After coming up with a plan, I took a second shower to feel a bit cleaner and more refreshed again, which worked pretty well. After I got out I had a small lunch of crackers, cheese, and turkey, which was about as much as I could handle eating despite the hunger. When I finished eating I got up and starting pacing around again, just getting lost in thought as the trip seemed to be directing me to, as doing anything else but thinking seemed rather boring at this point. I was feeling a pretty decent bodily euphoria now too which I think helped that, though it was less than I've felt on lower doses, probably due to the rocky entrance to this trip. Unfortunately though, I was also feeling a little bit heavy, like my breathing was slightly labored and my hand movements were a bit tight. I held up my hands to look at them, and, yikes.... The tips of my fingers and my knuckles were their normal colors, but the rest of my hands and arms were noticeably more pale than normal. Be warned, fellow travelers: this appears to be a possibly vasoconstrictive dose. Upon noticing this, I started taking a few more sips from my beer (yes, the same one from before) to try to balance this out a bit and help myself feel a bit lighter.
T+5:20 - Figuring that I probably wasn't going to get anymore sudden bursts of energy, I decided to take a bath to make myself feel better and just ride out the end of the experience in relaxation. This was a great idea, as the entire time I was in there I felt very soothed and just enjoyed reflecting on the trip and thinking about life. I also finished the beer finally about an hour after getting in, and was also smoking more cannabis in the process.
T+7:00 - I got out of the bath and could tell that the effects of the 4-HO-EPT were mostly over by now, as I could barely distinguish them from the cannabis high. Getting more fully hungry again now, I decided to order a pizza.
T+7:20 - At this point, while still waiting for the pizza, I suddenly got kind of depressed. This is not really the norm for me after a strong trip, but it sort of made sense since this one was something of a failure to launch, and I had spent much of the time since then thinking about why that might be. I had come to the conclusion that, as I mentioned back at the beginning of this report, there were a couple different reasons for this. The first one I think was simply because I knew that I was on the highest known dose of an extremely new drug, and with that in mind I simply was not capable of allowing myself to completely detach from my body and no longer be able to monitor myself. In retrospect, I think that was probably for the best anyway, as doing so would not have been entirely responsible, and I'll always have more chances to do it right in the future anyway once I feel more comfortable with the safety of these kinds of doses.
The second reason though, is that I know I wanted to dose to help myself get over some of the depression I've already been feeling lately as I've done with other psychedelics before, but the truth is that this depression I am feeling now is different from what I was feeling before, more based on things that are happening in my life as opposed to feeling off kilter on the inside as I used to, and there's just no amount of psychedelics that are going to be able to completely fix that. If I want to continue having these kinds of moving experiences, I'm definitely going to need to work on setting things straight in my life first, and I realize that now more than ever.
If I want to continue having these kinds of moving experiences, I'm definitely going to need to work on setting things straight in my life first, and I realize that now more than ever.
T+8:00 - The pizza arrived around this time, and it tasted good, but I was miles away at this point. I had sunk myself into a depressive little hole, and I really didn't want to do anything other than lie down in bed, which I did as soon as I finished eating and did not move for several hours. I also had an annoying headache that wasn't really making things any better, but that's pretty standard for me following a high dose of a psychedelic mixed with cannabis. At this point, I pretty much just wanted to fall asleep, only preventing myself from doing so because of how early it was. Instead, I just watched TV a bit while smoking a bit more and grabbing a second beer to help myself feel a bit better.
T+11:40 - I finally turned out all the lights at this point and went to sleep. It was a bit restless as I woke up several times throughout the night, but I eventually got through enough hours to feel refreshed enough when I got up this morning.
So, that ends my fourth experience with 4-HO-EPT. It certainly wasn't the happiest or most fulfilling trip, but I blame that on myself rather than on the drug, and it was still a very interesting experience nonetheless. Ultimately, I would say that its hallucinogenic potency with eyes open reminded me the most of 4-HO-DPT, which was just slightly less active at this same dose, though the style was different. Whereas 4-HO-DPT's visuals are a bit unique from most of the tryptamines but still remind me the most of the parts of 4-HO-MET and 4-HO-MPT that are not present in mushrooms, this was the more opposite, lacking that specific aspect but actually having a lot in common with mushrooms. However, the level of sheer sensory overload I experienced was far more than I have gotten yet on 4-HO-DPT, and was instead much closer to what I experienced on 50 mg of 4-HO-MiPT, though the design and intensity of the closed eye imagery that came along with it was much more alike 50 mg of 4-HO-MPT. I would also say that the headspace was ultimately probably the most alike that dose of 4-HO-MPT, or a high dose of mushrooms. Once again, I feel that 4-HO-EPT, rightfully so, occupies a space somewhere in between the overall effects of 4-HO-DPT and most of the rest of the 4-substituted tryptamines.
In conclusion, I would say that I am now even more interested in the potential of 4-HO-EPT than I was before, and I really, really would like to have this kind of trip on it again and actually be able to go all the way with it, but that probably won't happen any time soon.... I definitely have a lot of life-related work I need to do before returning to this kind of headspace, so my psychedelic trips will probably be of the much more easygoing variety for a little while. I also must say that, while I am still interested in what psychedelic effects lie in 4-HO-EPT even beyond this dose, I'm not going to be the first one to try it. The emergence of noticeable physical side effects and the fact that this was clearly the maximum possible dose I could take and still be able to monitor myself says to me that to push further than this would no longer be safe with this particular protocol, and that having a sitter around for it would be a must. I'm sure I could work up that kind of setting for myself easily too, but... I just feel that I've made my contribution to the knowledge on this chemical now, and I'm satisfied with it for the moment. Let someone else who's even crazier than myself be the one to push even higher, hopefully taking into account the warnings I've given out here.
Anyway, I shall end this here now. As always, be cautious and stay safe, my friends, and nearly as important, stay positive!
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