Citation: Eric. "Amped Up and Serene at the Same Time: An Experience with Methamphetamine & Clonazepam (exp109134)". Erowid.org. Aug 13, 2018. erowid.org/exp/109134
Iím a late twenties full-time college student male. I am studying to be a Physician Assistant because I love medicine and chemistry. The way the brain and body respond to certain chemicals has always truly interested me. Itís like magic. Sometimes, my curiosity gets the best of me and my interest turns into experimentation. I have experience with pharmaceuticals including various opioids, benzodiazepines, amphetamines, different (non-narcotic) psych meds. Also have smoked lots of cannabis, smoked and snorted cocaine, drank a fair bit of alcohol (though it is my least favorite substance) and taken various other drugs like psychedelics, research chemicals and Ďlegal highsí (i.e. kratom, K2 and DXM.) Basically, Iíve done it all except meth, heroin and some party drugs like MDMA. Over the past few years, I have curtailed my use almost entirely in an attempt to make something of myself. Well I have been doing just that, Iíve got a positive life-streak going and decided to reintroduce some substances back into my life. Enough about me, though, Iím here to tell you about my blissful experience with a tantalizing combo: phenibut, kratom extract, methamphetamine and clonazepam.
Itís a hot, sticky evening in Central Florida and I have already consumed 750 mg phenibut and 6 grams of 20x kratom extract. I am feeling anxiety-free (a nice break from my usual tension) and relaxed thanks to the phenibut. I also have a nice buzz going from the kratom. It feels like a warm vibration that emanates from my stomach and outward to my limbs. I understand that kratom is not an opiate but does act on opiate receptors and produces a feeling commonly compared to that of a mild opiate (i.e. hydrocodone.) Through the years, I have tried different kinds of kratom and have been left mostly disappointed. Recently, however, I found an extract that legitimately feels like prescription opiates and thatís what I have been sticking with.
I am home alone and looking for companionship on a common gay dating app. A guy, ďWalt,Ē messages me and asks if I want to Ďparty and playí (use drugs while having sex.) He is offering me ĎTinaí which is what the LGBT community commonly calls methamphetamine. I am interested but also wary. I have never done meth before and I have witnessed how it can take over peopleís lives. I tell him to come over and I will decide when he gets here whether or not I want to partake in the Ďpartyí portion of his proposal. By the time Walt arrives, a few hours have passed since ingesting the phenibut and kratom and while I am still not at baseline I am not necessarily intoxicated anymore either
a few hours have passed since ingesting the phenibut and kratom and while I am still not at baseline I am not necessarily intoxicated anymore either
Walt arrives and we hit it off but I will spare the PG-13 details. After some time in the bedroom, he pulls out the glass pipe and asks if Iíd like to partake. He is not pushy and I do not feel pressured. I tell him that I have a class at 8 am (it is now 2 am) and ask him if I were to smoke it now if it would keep me up through the night. He says absolutely and I actually consider that a positive. I have been having trouble waking up for my early classes so I figured, Ďwell if I just donít go to sleep I wonít have a problem waking up.í It was the self-justification I needed to ask him to pack the pipe. He does and teaches me how to light it and inhale properly. I am turned on by watching him smoke it, there is something raw and intimate about witnessing the act. He lights it for me and holds the pipe to my mouth. ĎHere goes nothing,í I think to myself.
2 AM Ė 5 AM
I inhale a significant cloud of chemical tasting vapor. Within seconds, I feel a warm tingle throughout my body and my heart rate doubles or maybe even triples. I feel amped but in a clean, powerful way, not a dirty or out-of-control-feeling way (which I have experienced before with other stimulants.) I stand up and feel like I have lost 50 pounds. I feel light and airy, as if gravity itself has been altered and I am not as attached to the ground below me. I feel confident and all anxiety is gone. Specifically, I sometimes experience social anxiety when meeting and conversing with new people but it has left me completely. In fact, as Walt and I are smoking I am sharing details with him about my life that I would generally never share with someone I know well let alone just met. I really enjoy talking with him and feel like we are really connected.
Walt and I spent a good 3 hours swapping between sexual activity, the pipe, and deep, moving conversation. About 30 minutes after my first inhale, my stomach starts to cramp up and I basically had to run to the toilet to take a dump. It is similar to the stomach feeling Iíve gotten before when smoking crack. After using the bathroom though, it went away and I felt normal again. I will say that the meth made sexual arousal more difficult. I felt like I was trying to force myself to be present in sex and didnít seem to have much interest (my little guy didnít either, he had a hard time getting and staying up). I admit that I feel strange discussing details that are sexual in nature but at the same time I want to report the whole experience, not just the fun parts.
So during the three hours we were together, I would say I took 20 hits from the pipe. I have no idea the actual amount that I smoked but I would venture to say that the size of the crystal I used was at least the size of a nickel. As Walt was leaving, I asked him if he had any benzodiazepines to help me with coming down later in the day. I had never done meth but have done plenty of amphetamine salts and anticipated the jaw-clenching, irritable come down on its way. Fortunately, Walt did have a prescription for clonazepam in a nearby pharmacy and he agreed to pick it up when they opened and bring a couple to my school so I could pick it up between classes.
Going to school (at this point it has been about three hours since my last hit) was probably my least favorable part of the experience. I felt like everyone was watching me. I still felt the positive, enjoyable rush in my body but in my head I experienced some moderate paranoia and anxiety. Iím also obsessively clearing my throat, feeling like there is something in my wind pipe (there actually isnít and I know that but my brain keeps clearing my throat over and over again anyways.\). I am drinking water like a mad man and I am also obsessively rubbing the backs of my teeth with my tongue and clenching my jaw so bad I needed to take ibuprofen for jaw pain and neck tension. I have some minor OCD traits when Iím sober (counting things, making sure everything is symmetrical) and the meth SIGNIFICANTLY enhanced this part of my brain. Again, I still feel great, powerful, and light but I am experiencing some negative side effects as well.
I still feel great, powerful, and light but I am experiencing some negative side effects as well.
However, as my first class got out at 9:15, Walt pulled into the parking lot and handed me two .05 mg clonazepam.
The rest of the day was very interesting. I havenít used a benzo in almost 4 years, so I had zero tolerance. 1 mg clonazepam is actually a low dose for me (Iím a big guy and I have a baseline anxiety most of the time as it is). But at the same time, I was happy with a low dose because there was a reason I stopped taking benzoís in the first place (car wreck, kleptomania, etc.) so with benzoís sometimes less is more for me. After ingesting the clonazepam I went to my Chemistry class and I was pretty zonked. Intense waves of extreme energy and excitement (excitement in my body, itís hard to describe what I mean). I know for sure I looked fucked up at that point and people definitely knew. But what are you gonna do? Lol. After school I got my haircut and had fun and open conversation with the barbers. I am generally one to just kind of sit quietly in the chair but today I was very talkative. The rest of the day consisted of errands, cleaning house, music, an HBO series called The Night Of and just general activities. I tried multiple times throughout the day to eat something, worried I wouldnít feel well with no food at all, but every time I tried had ZERO interest in the food and would end up putting it down. This was a rare thing for me to experience because my appetite is usually pretty voracious. It was nice though, being able to just put food down rather than overeat and regret it later. I can see how this aspect of the drug can seem compelling for someone like me who could stand to lose a bit of weight.
I only got tired once throughout the day (around 4 pm) but made strong coffee which handled that. I feel like I definitely would have been more energetic had I not taken the clonazepam but Iím glad I did. I seek and enjoy that perfect balance of up and down that certain combos can create.
In all, I would say my first meth experience was a positive one. I am resolved not to do it again as I could see myself really going down the rabbit hole with it, to be frank. But Iím glad I took the risk when Walt came over and stepped a bit outside of my comfort zone. It was enjoyable. It is currently 9 pm (16 hours since last use) and I still feel that amped body feeling. I am going to take a few unisom and I think I should be able to get to sleep tonight. Iíve done the stay-up-three-days in a row deal and itís not a pretty sight.
Thank you for taking the time to read my long, sometimes wordy experience (remember I am still on the meth lol.) I hope you enjoyed reading it as much as I did writing it.
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