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Surrender
4-HO-MPT & Nitrous Oxide
by Kaleida
From Bluelight Collection
Citation:   Kaleida. "Surrender: An Experience with 4-HO-MPT & Nitrous Oxide (exp107266)". Erowid.org. Jan 15, 2016. erowid.org/exp/107266

 
DOSE:
50 mg oral 4-HO-MPT  
    repeated inhaled Nitrous Oxide (gas)
    repeated smoked Cannabis  


The last time I had taken a psychedelic was about six days prior to this, which had been 60 mg of 4-AcO-DALT taken orally. That had turned out to be a mostly threshold visionary effect which was nice but not really what I was hoping for, so I decided to give it another shot. Given that that last trial had been weak, and the last one before that had been three weeks before now, I didn't think that tolerance would play much of a factor. Without having taken this dose of 4-HO-MPT before to compare to, I have to say that it did not seem like there were any issues in that sense.

My decision to take 50 mg came to be due to wanting to have a trip that would really blow me away. My first and only previous trial with 4-HO-MPT had been at 25 mg, and with that dose I had reported that pushing higher seemed like it would possibly increase to the point of overwhelming visuals and delusional effects. In some ways this theory was partially right, but it was off in certain ways as well.... What I got was actually really not what I expected at all, but it was exactly what I needed it
What I got was actually really not what I expected at all, but it was exactly what I needed it
, and something I have been looking for for a long time.

My previous experience with psychedelics includes Psilocybe cubensis, Ipomoea tricolor, Argyreia nervosa, bufotenin, DMT, LSD, 2C-B, 2C-I, 4-AcO-DMT, 4-HO-MET, 4-AcO-MET, 4-HO-DET, 4-AcO-DET, 4-HO-MPT, 4-HO-MiPT, 4-HO-DiPT, 4-AcO-DALT, MiPT, DiPT, DALT, and at least a couple of unidentified things like psychedelic amphetamines and suspected TFMPP.

T-1:15 - This is around when I started arguing with myself about whether or not I should dose. This plan had come on a little unexpectedly; I had still been planning to take DOC as my next psychedelic when I had the time, but now I found myself with a big empty house to trip in and only one comfortable evening to do it with. For this reason I decided to take a tryptamine instead and trip until around midnight, but I still had prepared the dose while sort of rushed. Now I was left here with no other options and no way to measure the dose again in parts if I wanted to, it was basically all or nothing. This is normally not an issue for me, but the strength of my 25 mg trip on 4-HO-MPT was still lingering in the back of my mind.... I had a feeling that this was going to be a heavy one, and I really wanted to make sure I was ready for it.

T+0:00 - Finally, at long last, I decided to go for it. 50 mg of 4-HO-MPT taken orally. This time I managed to not really have to deal with the nasty flavor by using the appropriate amount of water and snacks. Though it surely could have been placebo, I thought I felt the first alerts within a good few minutes. My anticipation grew a bit at that.

T+0:15 - In this time I had been busy preparing things for myself, such as grinding up and loading a bowl of cannabis and collecting everything I need to do nitrous oxide, and I could already feel a growing energy similar to my last experience with 4-HO-MPT. However, unlike that 25 mg dose but similarly to my 50 mg dose of 4-HO-MET, the first wave was starting to hit me very much in a way that felt like I was going to enter hyperspace. Imagery reminiscent of visionary doses of strong tryptamines like DMT and psilocin but particularly 4-HO-MET-like in emotional and artistic style were already starting to make themselves known around me in the edges of my sight. This was coming on hard and fast, and there was no stopping it now.... With much excitement and nervousness I decided to keep myself calm through it by taking a nice hot shower.

I managed to stay in there for I want to say at least five to ten minutes, but it is impossible to recall exactly now. Shortly after I stepped into it, time began to lose all meaning. Something was happening to me that felt truly deep.... I could feel myself beginning to slip away at times, but not quite in the typical sense of simply dissolving away. This was a very human and emotional experience, a decidedly ego-centric trip, one which does not remove your sense of self so much as spread it all throughout reality. The defining motion to it is one of everything in my perception and in my feeling of myself whirling around and sending me into a spiraling frenzy, and in the process everything about my mind is just thrown all over the place.

What I was experiencing really had caught me off guard even before it started, because I was sort of expecting this to be a really vividly visual trip based on my prior experience with it. At that time, the open eye visuals I got reminded me a lot of 4-HO-MET, being a little less complex but having more depth, and I felt that this hinted at pushing into extreme visual activity with eyes open at higher doses in a way again similar to 4-HO-MET. But, on the contrary, the visuals I got during this phase were still just as transparent and dreamy at this 50 mg as they were at 25 mg. There was actually so little going on in the way of patterning or warping or the like that lying in the darkness produced no interesting imagery at all, but it did reveal something very fascinating, a feeling of 'chasing' visions in the corners of my mind, combined with a feeling like I needed to literally get up and move around and explore them.

T+0:45 - This is when it hit me: what I've been going through is exactly like LSD, at least for me. Every single time I take a strong enough dose of LSD, the first few hours are dominated by a sense of increasing feeling of spinning myself into madness, spreading my mind all over the room as described above, and then being hit by a sudden realization of how deep into it I am. This is then followed by spending the rest of the trip reintegrating all of the scattered pieces of myself, allowing me to rebuild myself from the base. It is essentially what I think of as a sort of ego surrender, as opposed to a death, though of course LSD can cause complete ego death as well at the right times.

On this 4-HO-MPT, the ego surrender was there in full and I felt it was completely comparable to LSD in profundity
the ego surrender was there in full and I felt it was completely comparable to LSD in profundity
, but the focus on the ego death was significantly lesser. I did feel that it could probably happen if you pushed the dose high enough like with most psychedelics, but on this experience I honestly felt extremely lucid for most of it given the circumstances. Yes, my mind was everywhere and it was crazy, but I personally felt almost sober. At this point on LSD, my thoughts would also be racing, pressured, disorganized, and I might even have memory lapses here or there. This time, however, I never once felt that I left ordinary reality, and my thoughts stayed so clear. There were times where I could realize that the delirium was strong enough to make me want to do some crazy things, but at least I was thinking them at a normal rate and actually maintained a relatively normal perspective on things. Really, the best thing I could compare it to is 4-HO-MET which stays lucid and focused even at 50 mg as well; this was a very similar kind of feeling, but just with the aforementioned LSD-like ego ride stacked on to it as well.

Anyway, after I had this realization of what was going on, I was struck with an unending awe at how close this molecule had come to my classic favorite, Lady Lucy. So far it essentially felt like a very strong LSD first phase in a much more peaceful state of mind and compressed into about a fourth of the time, and now I felt I was shifting into something resembling the second phase of LSD where you slowly come out of the spiral and the trip becomes much more euphoric and visual, at least in my experience. The visions I was seeing were still not overwhelming in any sense of the word with eyes open, but instead were more like hyperspace dimly shining through the cracks in reality. It was subtle enough that I could still function in reality in a completely normal level if I chose to, but powerful enough that there was still absolutely no avoiding the influence the visions had on my thoughts and emotions. They had now reached a point where they were still similar to 4-HO-MET in theme, but particularly in the way that I also find 4-HO-MET similar to LSD, and this had even more of it. In fact, I am tempted to say that it had even more of it than LSD.

During the beginning of the trip, my body had felt very satisfied in a lot of places all over like it was being massaged from within, but there was still a slight tension to it as well which caused me to have the energy to move around. By this point in the experience, that feeling had begun to settle more into a feeling of constant buzzing that covered my whole body, one which was extremely pleasurable and quite erotic. It was not the most jaw-grindingly euphoric thing I have ever experienced, but it was absolutely blissful in a calming way. As the peak of this second phase developed further, it began to reach the point that it was like I could barely even feel my body any more most of the time because I was just felt so free. Unfortunately, due to the fact that this 4-HO-MPT put me into a completely timeless state of awareness, for a little while after this last time stamp I cannot really say exactly when some things occurred, but I do know the most important thing that happened. Considering the depth of the mind trip, the wonderful hyperspace visuals, the incredible body buzz, and the timelessness, I decided that doing nitrous oxide was a must. I had tried to give myself a balloon earlier, but I was too out of it to handle it and ended up not even noticing what was going on anymore after taking the first couple of breaths. This time I was more lucid and ready, and I loaded a full eight cartridges into a punch balloon.

I suppose I should say in this time as well I also started slowly smoking a bowl cannabis, though I can't say exactly when. As soon as I had my balloon of nitrous oxide ready, I took another hit off the bong and then went to lie down in the darkness. And thus it began.... Much of what occurred in the balloon is either lost to memory or too abstract to convey, but what I can say is that as expected the feeling of being in that balloon seemed to last nearly longer than the entire rest of the trip combined. The feeling was very similar to what I have experienced from doing nitrous oxide on 4-HO-MET, and it was the only thing I've ever done that I would say actually surpassed that. I was shown all kinds of beautiful visions, ranging from the LSD-like imagery to gorgeous hyperspace geometries, and I felt so lucid while it was all happening, and I especially enjoyed calmly and rationally observing the level of time dilation
I especially enjoyed calmly and rationally observing the level of time dilation
.

Then, at the very peak of the experience, I hit the point of true ego death, a momentary lapse of self followed by the greatest feeling of orgasmic release. However, on previous trips for me this has only been a metaphor.... Though the ego death to me feel feels functionally just like an orgasm, I am much more likely to come out of it laughing than anything else. But on this 4-HO-MPT and nitrous oxide, instead what I let out instinctively was a deep, full moan, and as reality came rushing back with it was an absolutely incredible orgasm that touched every point in my body and was further enhanced by the body high. This wasn't just a high that feels comparable to an orgasm in strength.... This was an actual, strong orgasm, and I felt suitably satisfied afterward. I didn't even know it was possible to feel that satisfied from a trip before this experience.

As soon as the understanding of what had just happened hit me, I then just burst out into uncontrolled laughter. I knew there was no one in the house but me so I even let myself get to the point of screaming it. On an emotional level I felt like I had gone insane from the pure bliss of what I had just gone through, but psychologically I felt just as in control as ever. The peak of the nitrous oxide had actually timed perfectly with the end of the balloon, so I was now left to just float back down as I basked in the unbelievable euphoria I was feeling. Everything was just too good, and once I had the capability to move again I made myself get up and walk around. I was in a state of sensory acuity that reminded me of 4-HO-MET very much, so I didn't really want to listen to any music or anything right away as I thought it might be a little overwhelming, and instead I went outside to listen to the sounds of nature as it rained around me. This was a very calming and beautiful experience, though I honestly was still a little too stimulated to just sit there and watch it for long. This is notably different from 4-HO-MET, which allows me to just relax into it and love the nature no problem. I ended up wandering around the house for a bit, and in this time since I still felt so satisfied sexually a lot of the imagery was very sexual, confident, and playful in that post-orgasmic glow kind of way. A similar feeling that I felt on 25 mg made itself known as well, wherein my emotional perception of reality on a metaphorical level begins to override my actual perception; in this case, my body was subtly transforming into various women who I associated with having a sort of confident personality.

T+2:50 - This is the first time I actually thought to check what time it was again; until this I really did not care in the slightest. Time dilation was still very present, but I was finally starting to leave that completely timeless state. I was also starting to get to the point where my senses were enhanced but not overwhelmingly so, so I decided to try listening to some music for the first time. This made some visuals appear that had been less present before: particularly, colorful imagery of eyes, lips, and full faces surrounded by flower petal borders began showing up on textured surfaces, in a way again similar to 4-HO-MET but still with a deeper, more LSD-like erotic vibe. Music was not the most enhanced I have ever had it be, but it was quite nice. It did get me a little lost in thought again, it made some of the spiraling come back which made the songs harder to pay attention to, but as that was dwindling on its own it still got easier over time. Eventually I decided to do another four cartridges of nitrous oxide with the music on, and that caused the earlier synergy to come back in full force. There is just something overwhelmingly sensual and freeing about this combination for me.

This trip actually lasted a good while longer than this, but that's honestly probably where most of the interesting notes are going to end. While there's a lot I could go into about the things I personally thought about in this time, I don't think it would contribute much to conveying the character of 4-HO-MPT. Essentially what happened in the remaining time is that I just kept felt like I was slowly coming down and putting myself back together for several hours, actually a pretty long time for a psilocin analogue in me. The visuals lasted a good four or five hours at least before they got too weak for me to notice them without really trying to bring them out. The LSD-like mind spin was also mostly over by then, and what remained was now mostly the lucid leftovers from the second phase. The buzzing all over my body was really the only thing that still remained at T+7:00, and it was just after this that I decided to finally get some sleep, which came pretty easily. I woke up today feeling excellent, and still with some of that body buzz.

So, in conclusion this was just a fantastic experience for me. The head trip it gave me is truthfully the reason why I love high dose LSD so much in the first place, so the fact that this did this in a more compact and lucid but equally deep way is like a dream come true, and the way it replaces LSD's vivid cartoonish imagery with tryptamine hyperspace visions really makes me wonder if at a higher dose it couldn't be even deeper. Truth be told, this is the only research chemical I've ever tried that has made me feel this way.... I normally want to push high with psychedelics, but on some level a big reason for that is just wanting to see what my mind can do in all these different states. On the other hand, this 4-HO-MPT makes me want to push further just because I want more and more and more... which is just how I feel about LSD. Even on a physical level, this dose felt as non-threatening to me as LSD with no side effects to speak of, and once I got over the anxiety of trying a new high dose of a not very well known substance this really made me start to realize just how great this stuff really is. Though I sure as hell would treat it with respect and not do it lightly by any means, I would absolutely be willing to push up to 75 mg with this one day, and maybe even higher if it still feels like a good idea.... I'm not necessarily recommending that anyone else just right into doses like that, but I'm just saying that I really did find it to seem that deep and captivating. I want to see everything it possibly has to offer.

If I continue to describe 4-HO-MPT now, I believe I am just going to start rambling. So, I will end this report here.

Exp Year: 2015ExpID: 107266
Gender: Female 
Age at time of experience: 24 
Published: Jan 15, 2016Views: 3,141
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4-HO-MPT (530) : Alone (16), Sex Discussion (14), Glowing Experiences (4), Combinations (3)

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