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Temporary Reprieve From Crippling Depression
H.B. Woodrose
by MikeyP
Citation:   MikeyP. "Temporary Reprieve From Crippling Depression: An Experience with H.B. Woodrose (exp106653)". Erowid.org. Jun 2, 2020. erowid.org/exp/106653

 
DOSE:
5 seeds oral H.B. Woodrose

BODY WEIGHT: 230 lb


I have been diagnosed with treatment resistant major depressive disorder and have had significant flares of my illness around twice per year for the past six years. Having tried every class of antidepressant medication and only achieved a partial remission I decided to look into alternatives. After reading about an upcoming clinical trial of psychadelics in clinical depression and reaching the end of the road in terms of what my psychiatrist could offer, I decided that I had nothing left to lose by taking the plunge.
I decided that I had nothing left to lose by taking the plunge.


My previous use of psychedelics was at least 10 years ago and was limited to psilocybin containing mushrooms. My past experiences were all very negative. I felt out of control and couldn't handle the introspection. These little seeds were very, very different.

I ordered 300 hbwr seeds online and put them away for a day when I had a good enough mindset to use them. Unfortunately, my mental health was in a downward spiral and I found myself actively planning my suicide. I thought about the seeds, and thought that if I was going to die anyway then I might as well try them. I was staying with my parents following a separation from my wife a few months earlier. Nobody else was aware of the seeds. Hardly an ideal set and setting!

At 15:00 I took 5 seeds. At first I planned on just eating them but when I put them in my mouth I couldn't stand the fuzzy texture so I decided to steep them in water for 10 minutes before rubbing most of the fuzz off with a dry cloth. I then chewed the seeds up for at least 5 minutes and then swallowed them down.

At T+0:20 I started to get a mild nausea which lasted for around 40 minutes then faded away. As the nausea disappeared I started to feel the first effects. I felt light and floaty, a little like I had smoked a little marijuana. My mood lifted slightly and for the first time in weeks I forgot about wanting to kill myself.

At T+1:20 my thoughts became increasingly abstract and introspective. I felt euphoric and could look at my life with absolute objectivity. Why did I feel so bad about life? In this state it didn't make sense as I went over each detail. I looked up and saw a plain brick wall explode with geometric and intricate patterns that had been there all along but hiding in plain sight. The world was beautiful.

T+2:00 Objects appeared to grow and shrink as I looked at them but there were no overt OEV. I closed my eyes and sure enough colourful patterns and spirals filled my Visual fields. I felt great, Better than I had for longer than I could remember. I understood my place in life and at that moment understood my purpose. I wanted the feeling to last forever. This sensation lasted for a number of hours.

T+6:30 effects diminishing and I felt tired both physically and mentally. I went to lie down and closed my eyes. There were still some mild CEVs at this point and I felt a inner peace that I hadn't felt before.

The next morning I woke up to find that the effects of the seeds were gone but so too was the depression. I felt good!

Over the next few days the familiar Black fog drifted back but less so than before. I will continue to explore this avenue!

Exp Year: 2014ExpID: 106653
Gender: Male 
Age at time of experience: 28 
Published: Jun 2, 2020Views: 334
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H.B. Woodrose (26) : Alone (16), Therapeutic Intent or Outcome (49), Depression (15), First Times (2), General (1)

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