Citation: Goddess Mode. "Relentless Dissociative Aphrodisiac: An Experience with Memantine & Cannabis (exp105696)". Erowid.org. Feb 26, 2017. erowid.org/exp/105696
To be honest, this drug has completely worn me out. To reconcile this emotionally, I expect that I'll be writing this trip report fairly concisely. It was a fairly low dose, so there is only so much to say anyway.
At 8:15 PM on Friday, T+0:00, 20 mg of memantine was ingested in liquid form. This was to be my first experience with the compound, and fourth experience with a new dissociative in general; previous experiences include a few second plateaus and one third plateau on DXM, 100 mg of ketamine while already on 25 mg of 2C-I, and several dozen trips to the void on nitrous oxide. 20 mg was decided as a starter dose to test the threshold with the intention to move up in increments of 20 or 40 mg after that until I found a comfortable level, but no redosing ever happened. It actually hit me a lot harder than I had expected at that level, and so I decided that the more responsible thing to do would be to just ride out the entire experience like this and see how it goes.
By T+0:45, I was in disbelief that what I had taken could be memantine. I had been under the impression that it would take quite a while to peak, which did turn out to be true in the end, but it surprised me with how fast I could feel it beginning to work. I am also still a little shocked that we actually prescribe this drug to people with Alzheimer's, not that I would be complaining if it were me. By this point, I already had a smile on my face so big that it was hurting my jaw, in a way that reminded me very much of LSD. I was beginning to feel a very hedonistic body high like LSD has creeping in as well, and flowing all over me. I spent much of this initial phase yawning, stretching, and dragging my nails across my skin to enjoy the pleasure.
At the same time, there was some dissociation slowly creeping in that was beginning to remind me of DXM. I was in no way far from reality at this point, but I could close my eyes and see scenes beginning to form in the darkness, which I would start to feel myself being pulled into if I drifted there for long enough. However, while the overall dreamy atmosphere of the trip felt not unlike DXM for me, the complete and utter lack of nausea, discomfort, or physical stimulation made it instead feel much more clean like nitrous oxide for me, which allowed the anesthetic effects to be much more enjoyable. Combined with the aforementioned body and mind high I was feeling, this was quickly starting to turn into one of my most pleasant psychoactive experiences in quite some time.
The effects slowly increased over the course of about three hours or so, after which they leveled off and remained there for a while. I also began smoking cannabis during this time period, which added a very nice extra euphoria to the experience and enhanced the hallucinogenic effects. The DXM-like imagery with eyes closed became more intense as the trip peaked, but still never became all-encompassing. On the other hand, there was separate aspect to the visual experience as well which was developing again in a way more like what I would expect from LSD or a tryptamine. It wasn't the overt serotonergic way, but rather the way it seemed to turn my imagination into a psychedelic canvas, largely sensually erotic imagery with lots of colorful geometric organic designs. Sometimes this would apply to visions that I would see in 'front' of me in my mind's eye, and other times this imagery would actually cover me and replace my sense of self. I would say that these were the most enjoyable aspects of the experience for me, as it was just much like my favorite psychedelic experiences but to the backdrop of dissociative peace.
Since so many things about the trip did seem surprisingly sexual to me considering that I was on a dissociative, I decided to see if anything related to sexual function would be particularly hindered for me. For the record, I would rank the dissociatives I've tried so far in terms of eroticism in order of ketamine > nitrous oxide > DXM, with ketamine giving me strong sexual hallucinations, nitrous oxide giving me moderate ones sometimes, and DXM never having given me any ever. However, even with the hallucinations that ketamine gave me, I was a little too disconnected from my physical sensation at the time to really even have much of a conception of whether or not things thing could feel sexual... and the same with nitrous oxide. On the other hand, memantine left my connection to my body completely intact, and both the fantasy and the orgasm I experienced actually seemed relatively enhanced from normal. I really don't know if this sort of lucidity and physical pleasure will keep up at higher doses that achieve more NMDA receptor antagonism, but it's worth noting that at this dose memantine was actually one the purest sexual stimulants I've ever taken, while still having significantly powerful effects beyond that use.
Unfortunately, as I had actually been sort of tired even when I originally took my 20 mg dose, I fell asleep not too long after the previously mentioned events. Sleep was restful, and my dreams were vivid and active though they escape me now. I woke up at some point still feeling pretty high, typed a couple of texts on my phone, and then went back to bed again and successfully had a lucid dream even through the lingering psychoactive effects. When I woke up again a few hours later, I was indeed still quite dissociated, but a little less so than before.
Beyond this point, I'm going to keep things very short. I was lucky to have a full two days off after I originally dosed, because I spent the whole next one very out of it still. I was nowhere near the peak, and I certainly wasn't hallucinating with eyes closed, but I still felt spacey like I was significantly above baseline. At T+18:00, in order to try to alter and maybe muddle up the lingering experience, I took 600 mg of gabapentin. This was completely fine for the first couple of hours, and it actually mixed with the memantine quite well to create a strangely lucid alcohol-like high, but it all went to hell after I tried smoking some more cannabis with it. Mostly, it just made me feel very sick and I got quite a bad headache until I finally waited for it to wear off. It also caused the two already bizarre trips to merge together into something very delirious and disorganized, which annoyed me to the point that I tried to sleep it off, which then resulted in my having a very strange out-of-body experience that brought me back into my bed shaking very heavily for a good few minutes. It was so uncomfortable that I ended up inhaling one cartridge of nitrous oxide just to calm my body back to normal, which worked completely within about a minute or so. Note to self, do not mix memantine, gabapentin, and cannabis....
Once again, I woke up the next day still feeling a little bit high, and the next day, and the next day, which would be today. This extremely long duration was by far the most challenging part of the memantine experience.
This extremely long duration was by far the most challenging part of the memantine experience.
For a lot of it I was at the point where if I kept myself as sober as humanly possible it didn't really seem like I was feeling it too much, but if I wanted to smoke any cannabis at all a number of the lingering effects such as brain fog and lingering disconnection would kick back in, and I would get headaches by the end of the day more easily than just with cannabis alone. However, I also found myself still having the tingling LSD-like coming on and off in waves now and then, so it wasn't all bad. As an extension of that though, I also found myself extremely horny for the past few days, like embarrassingly so. That physical euphoria I would say probably wore off finally about mid-way through yesterday, but the erotic psychedelic visions were still prevalent when I smoked cannabis and allowed my mind to wander until this morning in the shower, after which they have not returned for me. At this point in time, about T+99:00 after having smoked just a little bit more, I feel as though I am back to normal both while sober and just high.
In conclusion, this drug is exhausting. Aside from one time which I know for sure is coming up for me soon that I am now debating with myself about whether or not to use it for this, I really cannot imagine when I will have another time when I have the necessary combination of free space and complete lack of responsibilities for the required amount of time to justify taking memantine again. Despite that though, I found it to honestly be a fascinating compound. Sooner or later, I will make sure that I have the perfect set and setting dedicated to this truly extreme psychoactive, and then I'll see what memantine can truly do when let it run wild.
Until then, stay safe fellow psychonauts.
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