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Agony Becomes Bliss
by Zarathustra
Citation:   Zarathustra. "Agony Becomes Bliss: An Experience with LSZ (exp104331)". Erowid.org. Jun 24, 2018. erowid.org/exp/104331

T+ 0:00
  oral Capsicum spp. (liquid)
  T+ 0:00 300 ug oral LSZ (blotter / tab)
  T+ 1:30 1 smoked Tobacco - Cigarettes  
  T+ 1:30 1 smoked Tobacco - Cigarettes  


A few days ago I finally got to experience that psychedelic experience I had always dreamed of, LSD. I have had a great deal of experience with psychedelics in the past: psilocybin, 2-CI, 25b, salvia and something else which was most likely another phenylethylamine. I have never been able to procure real LSD but I was able to acquire a small quantity of LSZ through an online vendor. Based on the information Iíve gathered, LSZ is almost identical to LSD in its effects, although Iím sure opinions will differ on this matter.


Tuesday: I receive an envelope in the mail, my grandmother delivers it to me saying ďItís airmail!Ē, later on Iíll be forced to make up a haphazard excuse as to why Iím receiving an envelope from the UK. I waste no time revealing its contents, a folded piece of paper simply reads ďThank you for doing business with ******!Ē, a small sealed silver bag is inside, on it is written LSZ (d-lysergic acid 2,4-dimethylazetidide) 3 x 150ug NOT FOR HUMAN CONSUMPTION. Oh yes, very official indeed. Immediately I feel the butterflies, an anxious excitement in my belly that makes me feel like taking a dump, this always happens before I get ready to trip. I dispose of the envelope and put the sealed bag away in a safe place.

Thursday: Itís about 12:00 pm. Iíve decided to trip during the daytime. Besides painstakingly creating an epic playlist and loading it on my iPod, Iíve done very little in preparation for this trip. All Iíve had to eat was a few eggs earlier in the morning. I figure that I have to set aside about 8 hours for this trip and I donít want to stay up all night. My mother is due back from work around 7 or 8 so itís now or never. Of course my grandparents are still home but they donít usually bother me. I make myself some ďfirewaterĒ and chug it down to get my blood flowing. For those who donít know ďfirewaterĒ is raw apple cider vinegar, hot water, cayenne pepper, sea salt, and a little lemon juice, taste like soup broth but it really gives me a nice boost of energy.

t-0:00: I open the sealed package to reveal three blotters with LSZ stamped all over them, ďsuper official!Ē I think to myself. I take two of the blotters, stick emí under my tongue and wrap the other one up in some tin foil.

t- 0:45 I havenít had any body tension yet, I feel completely normal. Iím starting to get skeptical. I know Iíve never taken anything precisely like this before but Iím typically very good at noticing the stages of the come up. I wonder if I didnít take it the right way or if the LSZ was destroyed by heat on the long trip overseas. Do a little bit of internet research and read that for some it can take up to an hour and a half to kick in. I feel reassured so I just do a little bit of chatting with friends on Facebook while I wait.

t- 1:30 Still feeling none of the body tension that Iím accustomed to with a come up. I am however, starting to realize that Iím definitely under the influence of something, things just feel different. I know that itís happening but Iím worried that maybe it wonít be all that spectacular. I decide that maybe itís time to test the waters. I grab my iPod and my headphones and step out on the back porch to have a cigarette. I put on Cold War Kids Ė Out of the Wilderness and light up. We live on a golf course and my backyard is overlooking one of the holes, itís all very green with lots of oak trees. The music hits my ears and a wave of pleasure washes over me. I notice that things look especially bright, especially green and especially beautiful. I looked up at the sky and from behind a tall oak tree flew a flock of birds. I smiled and laughed to myself. The moment was too perfect. It was right then that I knew I was tripping.
I smiled and laughed to myself. The moment was too perfect. It was right then that I knew I was tripping.
I went back inside and immediately realized that it was far too hot, I was in the patio, which is where I stay. So, I took my laptop and moved into my momís room, which would be nice and air-conditioned.

t- 2:00 Iíve now put on the playlist which I so painstakingly made in preparation and itís really doing the trick. Iím completely at a loss as to what to do with myself though. Iím sitting on my laptop and it seems like everyone wants to chat with me today of all days and now Iíve got this girl messaging me saying she wants to fuck me. Iím definitely interested but now isnít really good time! I casually flirt with her for a little while but eventually I decide to log out. My mind is in a different place and I donít want to have to deal with the demands of keeping up the sexual tension.

t- 2:45 Iím sitting outside on my motherís patio smoking a cigarette and Iím starting to notice some visual distortion, my clothing is beginning to breath and the computer screen is starting to get that Ďmeltingí effect. I still have music pumping into my head but now Iím mentally distracted, Iím starting to feel very restless and uncomfortable. I go inside to do something but as soon as I get inside I forget what it was I was going to do. My body feels fine but mentally Iím starting to feel anxious. Iím starting to think about things, about my life and my current circumstances. Iím thinking that Iím a complete loser and that I have no business tripping on a Thursday afternoon. Iím thinking about how Iím currently unemployed and having a hell of a time finding a job. Of course all the while Iím trying my best to NOT think about these things, I just want to enjoy my trip but I canít shake these thoughts. I have nothing to distract myself with, the music is giving me the auditory pleasure I wanted yet I am still experiencing this mental anguish. ďDo you like your trippy music?Ē the music seems to be taunting me. Iím starting to regret taking the LSZ.

t-3:00 Iím now sitting on the bed, enduring the mental agony. All of a sudden I realize that I shouldnít be trying to avoid these thoughts, that instead I should be examining them. I realize that I am actually very depressed and pretending that Iím not. I begin to think about why I am feeling like this and I start to think back to my college years. I fucked up in college, I partied my ass off and I ended up not graduating. Iíve been coasting along ever since working different jobs. I realized that I never mourned for this properly, that I simply continued to live my life and pretended like nothing bad had ever happened. It was then that I began to cry and I cried hard, I cried for the opportunities I threw away, I cried for mistakes that I made. I said to myself ďYou fucked up, you fucked up bad. ButÖitís going to be okay, itís going to be okay, itís going to be okayÖĒ I never cry and now I was crying like Iíve never cried before. I felt like I was releasing years of bottled up emotion. When I cried all the tears that I could I felt this incredible sense of joy wash over me. I began to laugh and I felt like I was reborn.

t- 3:30 Iím feeling much better now. I notice on the television Rob & Big is on and in this episode it looks like he has bought his family a house and is showing them around, itís like a total reality check to me. Iím seeing that there is this man who has totally provided for his family. They even had a fucking camel walking around in the backyard. Like it was really driving home the point that he has Ďwoní the game and this is what Ďwinningí is. Iím thinking ďThis is what people are watching on TV, human beings parading around like gorillas beating their chests.Ē ďIs this what the purpose of human existence is?Ē It felt very nihilistic and amusing. It also felt liberating, in a Ďdo what thou wiltí sort of way. However, at the same time, it didnít feel right. I felt like I was being deceived by this notion, that there was more to life and that I was being tricked into believing that this Ďgameí was all there was.

t- 3:45 Iím still feeling a little crusty from all the crying earlier so I decide to take a quick shower. Nothing really special about the shower, Iím not noticing any amazing feelings or hallucinations, just a standard shower. At this point the trip is still almost completely mental. Iím still thinking about what I saw on TV and how I felt about it. I sat down on the toilet and started thinking about it. I started thinking about how I could turn my life around. Then I start thinking about my health. I smoke, use smokeless tobacco and I take a lot of drugs. I think of myself as an old man, suffering and regretting all of these poor decisions made in youth. I decide right then and there that today will be the day that I stop all of these things. A wave of emotion washes over me and tears begin fall down my face. Iím looking down at the wet bathroom floor and I say out loud ďThere is a God and he loves meĒ It was at the precise moment that I began to see the most beautiful and clear visuals Iíve ever seen. It was just like the visuals I always see when Iím on strong psychedelics, the intricate geometric patterns that spread across entire surfaces in a honeycomb like fashion. It was the same as before yet so much clearer and more intricate in its detail, by that I mean the individual Ďhoneycombsí were much smaller. I had to laugh at this and I felt total bliss at that moment.

t- 4:30 Iíve clothed myself and Iím now laid out on the bed looking at the ceiling. Itís one of those popcorn ceilings and I focus on one section of it. It begins breaking out in that same beautiful geometric pattern that I am so accustomed to. I look at the intricacy of it with wonder. The small moving parts of it sometimes appear like tiny gears turning against each-other. I find it almost impossible to describe and I am a terrible artist but I have seen Shipibo artwork that looks quite similar. The pattern soon encompasses the entire ceiling and now it is moving at a furious rate. I look at the ceiling through the spinning fan and this causes the room to be slightly illuminated by what seem to be very faint translucent pyramids within cubes. I have seen this effect in much greater intensity on other psychedelics before but this time it is only slightly apparent. I spend about a half an hour watching the beauty unfold before my eyes, the feeling is absolutely blissful.

t- 5:00 Iím starting to feel hungry so I go into the kitchen to make some food. I seem to be able to the visuals off and on at will, all I need to do to see them is focus and to turn them off I simply focus on something else. I make myself a ridiculously huge hamburger with bacon on it, take it back to my room and wolf it down. After eating the burger I feel even more amazing. This is without a doubt the best Iíve ever felt on a psychedelic.

t- 7:00 Iíve lost track of time, enjoying the visuals and talking with friends online. My buddy is coming over to pick me up and drive around for a minute.

t- 7:15 My buddy picks me up and we drive to the gas-station, I give him almost all of my cigarettes and tell him that Iíve decided to quit.
I give him almost all of my cigarettes and tell him that Iíve decided to quit.
We talk for a little bit and then he drives me back home.

t- 8:00 Iíve moved my laptop and everything back out to my room and my mom finally gets home. Iím still seeing a lot of great visuals but the trip is totally under my control. I feel very comfortable talking with my mother.

t- 10:00 At this point Iíve been under the assumption that I was completely done tripping at this point but I decide to give the visuals a try again. I look up at the ceiling and focus just a little but and I realize that Iím still seeing the visuals full on, this is a very interesting trip.

t- 12:00 Take a look the surface of my laptop and I focus a little bit, the visuals are still there. Look at the ceiling, the visuals are still there.

t- 14:00 Iím getting ready to wind down and go to bed but I realize that Iím still wide awake, going to sleep is going to be tricky. I decide to take another look at that surface on my laptop, the visuals are still there. I lay back and take a look at the ceiling. The whole ceiling is still plastered with that honeycomb pattern. Looking at it through the fan enhances this effect, I can see the breathing effect when I move my eyes a bit. Iím astonished that Iím still seeing the visuals so clearly.

t- 16:00 Itís now 4:00 in the morning and I dropped this LSZ at 12:00 noon. The ceiling STILL has the imprint of the honeycomb pattern. If I focus a little I can still see this honeycomb pattern on my laptop. I notice the moon through my blinds and I decide to take a walk to check it out. I put on my headphones and the musical magic is still VERY much there. I walk out on the golf course to watch the moon creep behind a large column of dark clouds. Itís beautiful.

t- 16:30 Iím finally going to bed, but before I do I check the ceiling, still has that imprint, focus on the laptop, now its getting very faint but the pattern is still present. I start to think that maybe I will be able to see this pattern forever if I just focus hard enough.

Waking up the next day I realize that the ceiling looks completely different now, there is no pattern and no amount of focusing will change that.

Iím forever changed by this trip, Iím motivated and I no longer feel depressed. Iíve quit smoking and dipping. Iíve stopped drinking soda. Iíve definitely had some troubling thoughts on psychedelics before that went away rather quickly but this was the first time I was unable to avoid them which resulted in me examining and immersing myself in them. The experience was incredibly rewarding. The feeling of bliss I experienced was like no other.

Iím still astonished that the effect of this trip lasted for so long. It wasnít a very powerful trip but it did have an extremely long duration. 300ug was a good dose but I definitely could have done more.

Exp Year: 2014ExpID: 104331
Gender: Male 
Age at time of experience: Not Given 
Published: Jun 24, 2018Views: 3,606
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LSZ (609) : Glowing Experiences (4), Depression (15), Therapeutic Intent or Outcome (49), First Times (2), Alone (16)

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